I feel flat. Devoid of emotion. The meds seem to be more 'mood removing', rather than mood stabilising and I hate it. I miss feeling. I want my creativity back and I miss feeling fantastic. Weirdly enough, I even miss my depressions. Just because at least then I could cry when I felt awful. Now I can't even do that. I feel empty and I'm starting to resent it.
I know I should be grateful for the stability and partly I am, but also I'm not. I know my psychiatrist and CPN will protest. I understand why. Last time I stopped meds I did have a horrible psychotic mania. However, it was preceded by a rather fantastic couple of weeks and I want it back. I just want to feel again.
So I don't really know what to do.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Tbh, I think you would end up under a section...not the answer you were wanting, sorry.
But coupled with your physical health, I don't see your care team agreeing with it or any good coming from it.
Is trying other MS's an option?
I do understand how distressing it is to be so 'flat', tho. I have stopped meds in the past because of this and it only ends in disaster, sadly.
Do your team know how you feel about this? Would you consider trying a med swap? Or reduction?
Sorry to be so negative, but I can't see a good outcome, at all.
xxx
Im afraid that I have to agree with Romp. I really dont think you are ready to come off meds and if you did it would detrimental affects to your health. I know its horrible to not have any feelings....but I think thats a safer option at the moment. I truely dont think you are ready to come off your meds x
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
I'm not a good person to comment, because I'm often non-compliant, but you shouldn't go off suddenly, its dangerous both physically and mentally. As well as mood, suddenly stopping some meds can cause seizures and some really nasty GI problems. Maybe your dosage is too high, it might be something to discuss with you PD. I find the anti-psychotics flatten my emotions more than my mood stabilizer, so I managed to convince my PD to lower my dose. They will work with you to get the right mix, remember theres tons of different meds and treatments, and if something isn't working or tolerable for you, you can ask to try something else. Just don't stop without discussing your options first.
I've had to switch meds the past month. Meaning I'm not on enough of either to fully help. I haven't been dealing well with it- I wish I could just lock myself away. My advice is to think of all the repercussions before going off your meds- think of what it could do to the relationships in your life.
Romp, I appreciate your honesty.
And Matthew: I might be multilingual but I don't speak robot I'm afraid!
I just feel like if I came off them this time would be different. I'd be able to stop things getting out of control. I mean, I should be able to control my own mind, right? Perhaps I just didn't try hard enough last time. In terms of swapping meds, I absolutely hate re-starting something new. All of them have weight gain as a side-effect which I don't want. If I'm honest, that's also part of the reason I want to come off them. To lose more weight.
My moods defined me. They made me who I am. Through them I have had some of the most intense experiences of my life. And now they are gone, and I am left bored by the dreary routine of my life. I’m just not really enjoying it. I’m stuck between the two halves of me which together make a whole, now without all the emotions I got so used to, and this new “stable” me is strange and blank and empty.
I think I just needed to get it out. The fact that I'm frustrated about the whole situation.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Ange, I think you really need to talk to your team about this.
Your feelings sound totally understandable but you might want to consider some of the risks of coming off the meds more seriously. The severity of your depressive/manic episodes sounds pretty intense and the consequences major. You've been pretty clear about wanting to avoid going into hospital again and wanting to be able to work as a vet.
Maybe your psych will consider reducing the dose slightly to see how stable your mood is then?
With regard to wanting to lose more weight, a better option seems to be addressing that feeling and working out how you can be happy at a healthy weight.
Please think very carefully about it.
xxxxxxx
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
From my understanding, what you are describing may be better dealt with by a dose adjustment, rather than by stopping the medication.
Whatever you decide to do, please do talk to your care team about it. If they agree that coming of is the right thing, then they can put systems in place to ensure you do not reach crisis point, and to know what to do if you do.
Be gentle with yourself.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
Romp, I appreciate your honesty.
And Matthew: I might be multilingual but I don't speak robot I'm afraid!
I just feel like if I came off them this time would be different. I'd be able to stop things getting out of control. I mean, I should be able to control my own mind, right?
¬.¬ <----- is my not amused face!
Im repeating that face right now!
DO NOT STOP THE MEDS!
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
Okay, I will try and talk to my CPN about this. Thank you for whoever suggested a dose reduction (instead of flat-out discontinuation) - that's a good idea and a compromise which my care team might be okay with.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
