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feel really numb
idk whats happened to me lately. this week especially all ive felt is numb. like all my feelings are number than what they usually are. i dont feel happy and i dont feel sad. i went through a horrible year this year and ive been hurt by alot of people bu when i look back at those memories i dont feel anything towards them anymore. its like im not capable of emotion and all the emotions i go through the day arnt really mine. i will never forgive the people who've hurt me this year even though ive had to be ok in order to keep the peace. but i literally feel numb, i self harm and od just to feel SOMETHING. id rather be living in the pain rather than live like a ghost all the time.
even when i laugh its like its fake. like im not really happy,my body's just laughing and im like 30% happy and 70% dead inside. idk if what im feeling is just depression or am i ok and its giving me a lot of fucking anxiety.its all i think about. i cant focus on nything i just feel numb and tired and sick and just limp.
can someone please help.
is it stupid that i want bad stuff to happen to me, i shop lift and walk into traffic so that i can feel something rather than nothing?
i dont even sleep anymore as a form of hurting myself...
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