No i also think you should challenge yourself but if you are not up for that, which i assume a person who wants chat closed isn't, its about removing yourself from what is upsetting you not asking others to remove that situation for you. I am all in for challenging yourself but me as an individual and what i would do, isn't that relevant for this discussion.;)
Den fuldkomne kærlighed,
Kan ikke eksistere blandt ufuldkomne
This thread is like saying "I am scared of dolls, so none of the other kids can play with dolls".
I understood the original post more along the lines of, "The other kids are destroying the dolls or dress them up as go go girls, so please give the dolls a rest for a week." :P
I agree though, that closing chat wouldn't solve things. griddlebone has good points. If no one responded to flaming or arguments, then they'd die down pretty quickly. But that never happens, does it.
It's funny how people who seem perfectly reasonable on the forums turn into idiots when they're in chat. But that's what happens, too. And some of the people who argue for personal responsibility, who make good arguments about ignoring people who cause drama... well, they're the same who'll follow drama in chat because it's "entertaining". Not all, mind, and I'm not talking about anyone in particular who contributed to this thread. But I've seen that happen, and as long as that hypocrisy goes on.. nothing's going to change.
Basically, chat will only improve if every chat user tries to make an example of good behaviour. Apparently a lot of people aren't capable of that, but such is life. And that's what logs are for.
And some of the people who argue for personal responsibility, who make good arguments about ignoring people who cause drama... well, they're the same who'll follow drama in chat because it's "entertaining".
Although you said that wasn't about anyone who contributed on this thread, I did make that comment and I can understand why it would be aimed at me, let's face it. I am a regular Chatterer and am guilty of taking part in drama, arguing back, etc. etc. And I'm not entirely sure why, guess the drama tended to be a good distraction (ironically).
However, surprisingly, people do grow up. And myself included, a lot of members no longer rise to the bait of drama (except on rare occasions, admitted) and my suggestion of ignoring them and leaving the room will only work once the handful of members who tend to argue back grow up. That's what it all comes down to. Which is a huge problem on this site, for many reasons. Being mollycoddled because of their illness, or having to be grown up in the outside world therefore breaking down the barriers on the site and just being a child, for the attention or just because they're plain childish.
I know just saying 'You need to grow up' isn't going to help that much, but that's what it is. And if you're a Chat goer and drama happens a lot with you involved, you really do need to take a step back and think about whether or not you're actually causing the drama yourself. And if you don't think you are, take steps into learning to not retaliate. Looking at it that way, it's reeeeally not that hard. Just grow up a bit. Everyone's happier.
I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.
That makes a lot of sense, politeness goes a long way.
Though, in another sense, we do know the rules so it's important to try and respect them, so I can understand a bit of frustration there. That said, I know the forum rules but occasionally I forget and make a mistake. My OT did a little bit of assertiveness training with me and I always remember that one of the things was "I have the right to make a mistake, other people have the right to criticise me for it".
Yeah I think I'd be a bit cross if a member told me to **** off!
I think the problem with "regular users" acting as mods is that it's very VERY rarely done politely. Many a time have I or others been talking general in room four (naughty, I know. But at least I admit it :p ) and regular users, instead of asking us to move rooms, said things more along the lines of "OMFG will you people **** off to another room? THIS ROOM IS FOR SUPPORT". The scary thing is that I'm not even exaggerating. lol
Just wanted to say that I think this goes both ways, because the number of times I have seen members getting shouted to by the regulars of the general rooms to 'STOP USING TEXT TYPE' or even the constant correcting them everytime they do use text type - I personally would find that very rude and condescending. I know I for one will always whisper the person using text type and say something along the lines of 'Just so you know, text type is actually against the rules and people tend to get pretty worked up about it so could you please try not to use it'. This seems to work a lot better rather than openly shouting at them in main chat which always leads to an arguement about why is it against the rules, and blah blah.
Quote:
On a side note, as with this part, there seems to be some form of unofficial hierarchy of members, for that say, that some members have issues from some members telling them what to do, but would accept it from others.
I agree with you here and I know that before I was modded there were people I would have listened to and people I wouldn't have listened to with regards to following the rules (not that this ever happened cos I'm super-duper 100% perfect never broken a rule in my life). But I think that is more because the people I would listen to are my friends, whereas unless I was in a good mood (which if I was breaking rules I wouldn't be) then I wouldn't listen to a stranger or someone I don't like... But I'm the same in real life, I think thats just part of human nature.
Last edited by Optimus Pirate : 06-05-2011 at 06:17 PM.
Although you said that wasn't about anyone who contributed on this thread, I did make that comment and I can understand why it would be aimed at me, let's face it. I am a regular Chatterer and am guilty of taking part in drama, arguing back, etc. etc. And I'm not entirely sure why, guess the drama tended to be a good distraction (ironically).
I should clarify - I read the whole thread in one go before I replied, and then I tend to remember WHAT was said, but not by who. My brain can't manage both. :P So I really didn't have you in mind when I typed that. It's just such a common occurence on these threads that it irks me to see such hypocrisy. Practice what (the general) you preach, and all that.
I respect what you're saying though. Not many people have the proper insight, nor the guts to say things so openly, even after "growing up" in that sense.
To follow where the thread is going, what do we take from that? That we should simply all try to practice more politeness?
While we're bringing up everything that's wrong with chat.. it would be great if RYL were used for what it's meant to be used for ie. SUPPORT. Rather than a massive stigma attached to mentioning anything remotely serious because that's "emo". & yes I've taken part in that recently, because I've pretty much given up ever hoping I will get something useful out of RYL.
Also. People asking for support, you offer them basic common sense advice & they tell you to "shut up" or "f*ck off". Makes one reluctant to support, I can tell you.
Not to mention the emotional blackmail, blatant glamourising of self harm/eating disorders/drug-taking, blatant glamourising of bullying because it's "cool"...
Jus' sayin. I figure a lot of people getting up in arms about the state of RYL could look to themselves & consider whether they need to take their own advice.
Not to mention the emotional blackmail, blatant glamourising of self harm/eating disorders/drug-taking, blatant glamourising of bullying because it's "cool"...
You do this...
Even if you are saying this as a joke, pretty sure 99% of the people who do the same are also 'joking', so.
I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.
You do this...
Even if you are saying this as a joke, pretty sure 99% of the people who do the same are also 'joking', so.
Just commenting that it would be good if one didn't feel they had to "joke" to fit in *shrugs* Which everybody would have to do, so. Something for you to think about.
Also, pretty sure I'm the one that gets blasted down for not agreeing with glamourising alcohol & drugs but you know. Selective reading.
Literally no idea what you're talking about Chelsea. It just seems a little hypocritical and I can't count the amount of times you 'glamourise' DID or BPD or eating disorders, even if it doesn't seem like you're glamourising them, it may seem like it to other people. And you always seem to try and take the high ground when you're in a bad mood and the mood swings are a little tiring.
Try replying to me again when you're feeling a little better. You may be having a bad day, but you haven't said anything, so there is no need to be rude (not just in your reply, but you are being rude in Chat as well and not being particularly supportive after that post about RYL needing to be more supportive...).
I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.
Interesting that you mention bad days when 1) we are on a support site, people probably will have bad days (i would have imagined) & 2) you kick off, then apologise 20 mins later because you're having a "bad day" but never ask for support because it's "emo".
Anyway, this thread isn't about keyboard warrioring, so let's get it back on track.
Wow. Like I said. Talk to me when you're feeling a bit better, yeah?
Also, don't make it sound like I do that all the time, I did it once. And at least I apologised for it, plus my anger went towards someone who was getting on my last nerve, not everyone around me.
Last edited by Left Phalange : 06-05-2011 at 09:11 PM.
I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.
Chels could well have a point there with regards to the 'emo' thing. In all honesty, room 4 is not a pleasant place to be, it is full of 'glamourising' of all sorts of things and it's full of people who point-blank refuse to take on board any advice.
What pisses me off about room 4 is that I spend ages in there giving advice, and the people do not take it. They sit there and whine again and again about why they can't do it, so...What's the point in supporting?
Even if I go into room 4 and ask for support, there is none.
I have no problem with people who have proper reasons for not taking advice, but really, if you are just going to bitch, moan and say "I can't/won't" without a reason then why bother asking in the first place? If it is something you just need to vent about use R&V.
It would be super super helpful if we had more mods.. or if Liv actually had the power to be the head mod, and make the people that we have had lined up for months into actual mods.
There are only really 4 of us as it stands now, and sometimes when theres more than 30 people in chat, it gets kind of tricky.
Just saying in case someone with the power to do that reads this...
