i have decided that am going to go to church on Sunday for the first time in a long while.
I have to be careful that going to church isnt going to trigger me and my husband will be with me.
I dont know if the pastors are going to be wearing there dog colliers and mass clothes as i have never been to this church before on a Sunday morning I have been to the service on the Sunday evening and they weren't wearing anything like that at all.
I avoided the mass there on good Friday as it would be too triggering for me as good Friday is one of the most triggering days in lent for me .
Feel numb at the moment ...wanting to cut trying not too ...just feel unreal
Hallo :) Me too, im going to church tomorrow for the first time in ages. It's not triggering for me, but i feel kinda bad for avoiding it, feeling that God isn't really there for me. I haven't been doing so well, hopefully God can help me feel better. Have a nice day tomorrow everyone, enjoy breaking your fasts, I'm SO looking forward to chocolate :p
Let the Force be with you
I'm not short, I'm space efficient
Want to ask my family to go to church with me in the morning... my sis is the only one that I know won't be home in time to go cuz she has to take my cousin home in the morning... but other than that, i really want my family to go with me... they used to be into church when i was a kid, but they got out of church and I'm afraid they have gotten away from God too...
I'm kind of afraid to ask them though cuz i'm afraid i'll get turned down and i'll end up disappointed and do something stupid... I'm afraid it'll end up being a trigger for me to be let down by them not going...
How can I ask them without being afraid of being let down? I'm just... Idk...
Decided am going to go to church hopefully i don't get triggered.
I should be fine my husband is coming with me.
Afterwords we are going to go and get a movie out from the rental place.
But am unsure what to get, but ill just have to see what is there.
i went the mass its self was really nice and there were loads of kids there all looking for Easter eggs .
But the Pastors did wear mass clothes and that triggered me and brought things to the surface for me .
I sat through the mass , there was tea and coffee for after but i did stick around for it as there was too many people there for me and i felt unconformable there ...
I do want to go back there next week as i feel that i want to go to this church regularly because its GLBT friendly and its attached to the mental health pastor service .
I also go to the drop in on a Tuesday there as well
I guess i will have to try and get use to them wearing mass clothing if i want to keep going there
but its still a trigger
the guy from the crash i was in, brian (biker), is still in ICU and will be for a while... so still waiting for police to come take my full statement, they have a written one though... still shook up from it and dont like being in cars still but im getting there. hope u're all ok, pm if u need prayer happy easter
heyy i went to church on Sunday too, it was really nice actually, i think i'm going to go more regulary now and see about being confirmed (C of E) :D x
Let the Force be with you
I'm not short, I'm space efficient
Going to the drop in today ... there is usually a small service after witch is nice .
I have to remember to ask the mental health pastor what day am meant to be seeing him for our one to one as i cant remember were i put the care with the date on .
I think its the 4th but am not sure .
Feeling like i need to cut at the moment but am trying not to just have to keep busy.
So, I ended up not asking them to go because we ended up having yet another big storm sat night and my dad's shop got hit by lightning and we thot it was the house and since we could smell the smoke inside the house so bad, we thot the house was on fire for a bit, but finally realized that it was the shop and not the house... so we were up all night and i only got a little nap before sunrise service at 6 o'clock... i feel really dumb for not asking them though. I should have the guts to just ask them, but i don't... kind of dumb... whatever...
Now I'm having problems with my tics again. Hopefully all goes well with the specialist in two weeks and I'll finally get an answer/diagnosis? Maybe. Kind of excited cuz the appointment is finally here, but also scared a bit. Going to the doctor...any doctor...makes me nervous. And the tics have been so bad this week that it's making me consider SI again. I've been clean for 7 month... yay... ugh!
so i am 95% sure that god does NOT care about my life or be sh-ing
and also is burning you self with hot candle wax sh?
"What could I do? I can’t fix your stuttering. I can’t wipe the razor-blade scars off your wrists or the cigarette burns off the back of you hands. I can’t give you a new mother. And as far as the nurse riding you like this, rubbing your nose in your weakness till what little dignity you got left is gone and you shrink up to nothing from humiliation, I can’t do anything about that either."
— Chief Bromden, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Ken Kesey.
My friend told me to watch this:
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk[/ame]
It really made me think.
If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.
-Juan Ramon Jimenez
Though the scars of my sin run deep
They're washed in the flood brought from Calvary
Remind me, O Lord, in my hour of need
The war won for the redeemed.
--Brooks Ritter
So, I ended up not asking them to go because we ended up having yet another big storm sat night and my dad's shop got hit by lightning and we thot it was the house and since we could smell the smoke inside the house so bad, we thot the house was on fire for a bit, but finally realized that it was the shop and not the house... so we were up all night and i only got a little nap before sunrise service at 6 o'clock... i feel really dumb for not asking them though. I should have the guts to just ask them, but i don't... kind of dumb... whatever...
Now I'm having problems with my tics again. Hopefully all goes well with the specialist in two weeks and I'll finally get an answer/diagnosis? Maybe. Kind of excited cuz the appointment is finally here, but also scared a bit. Going to the doctor...any doctor...makes me nervous. And the tics have been so bad this week that it's making me consider SI again. I've been clean for 7 month... yay... ugh!
Goin Craaazy! Eesh!
Glad the hosue is ok. I don't like going to the docs either, dont think many people do. How are you now? *offers hug*
Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Miss Billy Bibbit
so i am 95% sure that god does NOT care about my life or be sh-ing
and also is burning you self sh?
Hey! :) Yes, anything that is intentional harm to yourself, no matter how, is sh. Maybe edit out how you did the sh though, might be tipsharing or triggering. So what about the 5%, what do you think there?
*offers hug*
I'll watch that when I get a chance. :)
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
Glad the hosue is ok. I don't like going to the docs either, dont think many people do. How are you now? *offers hug*
Um, I'm ok. These tics are really getting on my nerves. Finally get to get out of the house after being stuck here all week though! Woot Woot!
I'm bout ta go out of my mind with boredom!
Eeek!
But I mean, I guess I just get nervous bout docs cuz every time i go to any doc, my mother thinks it's the most important thing ever to tell my WHOLE story to them... like, she thinks she has to tell them EVERYTHING, and so then I shut down and the doc appointment ends up not doing me any good. I don't know, it's stupid...
*hugs*
Sometimes God doesnt take us out of the situation, the promise given to us is that He is with us and provide us a way out...its up to us to take it though. Free will.
Sometimes I wish i didnt have free will.
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
The other night I asked God to heal the big scars on my upper arm, because my mom was really close to finding out. You can hardly see them now. 0_o Weird, cus they were pretty deep.
Count the headlights on the highway.
Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be.
The other night I asked God to heal the big scars on my upper arm, because my mom was really close to finding out. You can hardly see them now. 0_o Weird, cus they were pretty deep.
God's still in the business of doing miracles, as the saying goes at my church. :)
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
Goin Craaazy! Eesh!
