I think I'm talking mainly to people with social/general anxiety here, but I suppose it could apply to anything. I've been thinking recently about the benefits/drawbacks of forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations in order to try to make it less uncomfortable the next time you encounter it.
For example, I seem to get anxious whenever I'm asked to a party, particularly sleepovers. I'm not sure exactly why but it makes me extremely nervous just thinking about having to deal with it. More recently I've been inclined to just make myself go to social gatherings like that, despite my anxiety, to make myself see that it's not all that bad. It's difficult though. The other night I was crying just thinking about having to go to this party, which by the way, is with my best friends who I love. It's not like I'm going somewhere where I hardly know anyone. I worry that if I don't go they'll think badly of me. This probably comes from years of bullying from my 'friends', so I'm also suspicious of what people are saying about me. I'm getting off the point here, sorry.
So can it be good or bad to force yourself into situations you are not comfortable with? I feel like when I am brave, and go to gatherings like this, I am proud of myself despite the anxiety. When I don't go I feel altogether calmer and more relaxed, but I also feel guilty for not going. So I don't know what's best for me, really.
I don't have an official diagnosis of this type of anxiety by the way... but I may get it looked into soon.
One of the pros would be tackling your anxiety and putting yourself into those situations to help you conqueur it - which is what people do to help conquer their fears.
In regards to the party, perhaps you could ask your friend if you could go round maybe an half an hour or an hour before the party starts so you don't walk straight into a room for a people - your there as people arrive gradually so it's just you and your friend and slowly builds up to more? If that makes any sense.
DILLIGAF
"it’s when you’re acting selflessly, that you are at your bravest"
- Four.
♥
Something I tend to recommend for anxiety stuff is 'gradual exposure' - building up to big events by going to smaller, less anxiety provoking but still anxiety provoking situations. The idea is to get used to each 'stage' and do it again and again until the anxiety has far lessened, before moving on to the next one.
My psychologist would say that the only way to become comfortable in situations is to do them. And talk about them, if there's anyone you can talk to! Talking about things helps lessen their hold on us.
I'd say, feel the fear and do it anyway. Otherwise you'll spend the rest of your life living half a life. But if you don't feel able to do something, don't worry. Don't berate yourself for it, there's really no need. Just practice, practice, practice... one step at a time.
Oh, and perhaps explain to your friends? If you can't make something, explain that it's too big a step just now, and then invite them out to something you feel more comfy with. That way, they know you're interested in spending time with them, and it's always nice when someone invites you out somewhere.
I find almost all social situations, or situations where I have to talk to anyone at all really uncomfortable and awkward. But i've found if I don't throw myself in at the deep end and just go for things, I avoid them completely. For example, if I say no to a night out, i'm likely to avoid nights out with those people for a long time. Then I worry about what they were all saying about me, calling me boring for not going etc. However, if I just ignore my anxieties and go out, I almost always enjoy myself and am glad I did it!
My advice, just go for it, exposure is the way forward!
But if i still believe you love me, maybe i'll survive.
So i tell myself you're coming home, like you've done a million times.
Something I tend to recommend for anxiety stuff is 'gradual exposure' - building up to big events by going to smaller, less anxiety provoking but still anxiety provoking situations. The idea is to get used to each 'stage' and do it again and again until the anxiety has far lessened, before moving on to the next one.
^This
When I was in hospital they were talking about exposure therapy. Basically, no matter how bad your anxiety gets it will pass eventually. You could stay in the exact same situation and eventually you will calm down. The problem is holding out for that long is incredibly painful and hard. You don't know when it is going to stop so, for me at least, I bail. Find somewhere else to be or a way out of the situation.
The idea of exposure therapy is to slowly get you used to situations. They told us to pick a situation that is very anxiety provoking. They gave us the example of going grocery shopping alone. If your goal is to be able to do that you can slowly work up to that.
Try to make a scale out of 100, 0 being no anxiety and 100 being full blown panic attack. Figure out what would constitute a 100, 90,80,70 etc. and put a label. For grocery shopping maybe going all by yourself would be 100, knowing you knew someone in the store would be 90, seeing the person would be 50 etc etc. You want to push yourself to about a 30-40 range. Any more and you could push yourself too far, any less and it's not pushing you at all. Maybe your 35 is having a loved one one aisle over for 2 minutes but any longer than that is too much. Repeat that step often. Maybe 2-3 times in a shopping trip and if you can again later in the day for 2 or 3 more times. The idea is that you really want to get used to it.
One you are comfortable with 1 aisle away for 2 minutes you could try farther away for less time or the same distance away for longer. Any way to make it just a little more anxiety provoking.
For your sleepover, maybe you could volunteer to help with the snacks or go get something that was forgotten. Spend some time with your friends and then let yourself have a time-out or a break. They are your close friends, hopefully they can support you in working through your anxiety.
Best of luck!!
It's the children the world almost breaks that grow up to save it.
-Frank Warren
I have this problem somewhat too.. And there's definitely pros and cons to it. When im feeling down and all.. I would try to avoid situations like that. I ll feel bad and even more anti social by not going, but there are times i know that when im not feeling 'up to it' dealing with my anxiety problens, its gonna make me feel even more alone and miserable when i do go. So i just make up some sort of excuses to get out of social events like that..
But i guess there are times where u have to fight the anxiety and justgo ahead with it. A lot of times, i have a lot more fun than i thought i would. But it doesnt happen the whole night or all the time. Like through a party and im starting to feel nervous, i try to ignore it and laugh a lot and smile a lot to hide my nervousness. And surprisingly it does relax me and make me feel better about the situation.
Though there are many times even out with a small group of close friends i feel that i cannot break the barrier.. And start wondering if they dislike me now or my problems.. There are times when i feel so bad that in class i just close myself off and refuse to talk to anyone, and just have a very hostile attitude. I guess its really not gonna help but i try to reduce these 'moments' and just save for when im home alone..
Sorry if i digressed but i do feel you because i suffer from the same thing...
I think you have to be at a certain stage to be ready for it.
It totally depends on the situation, and even how you feel that day.
Sometimes I don't feel like going out with friends, but I go and I love it. Other times I go and it only makes me feel worse and even more isolated.
Other times I avoid it completely.
It just depends what mood I'm in. But it is good to give yourself a little push. So if you are generally feeling ok and its only anxiety thats stopping you going then I say go for it. But if you are feeling very down and miserable anyway then heaping extra anxiety on top isn't going to help.
My boyfriend pushed me into applying for a voluntary job and I love it now. But before I was so anxious I never would have applied. So its definately good sometimes. Especially if the anxiety is stopping you from doing something you have always wanted to do.
I feel like when I am brave, and go to gatherings like this, I am proud of myself despite the anxiety. When I don't go I feel altogether calmer and more relaxed, but I also feel guilty for not going.
I have social anxiety. (and from what you've said, it sounds like you might have it too.)
I hear time and time again that I need to push myself and go and do these things that scare me to realise it's not so bad, and be more comfortable with it. But I can totally relate with what you've said. Unfortunately, I'm really struggling with it right now, and I haven't actually been out and faced those fears, so I can't tell you what it's like. But the only way to combat your anxiety is, even though it's hard, to go out, because more than likely, it's no where near as bad as your mind made out.
As some have said, it's probably a good idea to start with smaller things, that still provoke some anxiety, but not so much that you're scared out of your mind. Perhaps you could go out and do something you enjoy doing with just one or two close friends? :) When you're comfortable with that you can build up to bigger things.
For your sleepover, maybe you could volunteer to help with the snacks or go get something that was forgotten. Spend some time with your friends and then let yourself have a time-out or a break. They are your close friends, hopefully they can support you in working through your anxiety.
