Right now, I'm hurting...
& it's all because of you, influencing me.
You're not even a person or an entity, you're a behaviour so how do you have so much power?
But I don't think I could take it if you left me.
Self-Harm,
I hate you so much right now, because all I can think about is how much I want you. It's been twelve days and I miss you and when I panicked so badly (and am still panicking), you were the only thing I could think of as a solution, and I HATE you for that. I hate you for just not leaving me alone.
I'm going to re-read my more formal and verbose farewell letter to you right now to remind myself of why you AREN'T the solution.
I don't know if it's worth bringing you back into my life because I don't know if you'll even work anymore. Face it, the last few times were lacking and you know it.
I am so afraid of how I feel. Its like I'm on the edge of something huge, of something scary. I feel like I'm about to fall and be it into a jittery, high of crazy hyperness or into a heavy, boulder-like stupor of hopelessness, I feel like you're on the door step and I'm about to let you in and I - I shouldn't want you... But hell, I just can't bring myself to care. And that scares me more than anything.
I feel confused about you, Cutting. I shouldn't want you, and rationally I don't. But emotionally... it feels inevitable that you'll be a part of my life again -- any time now, soon.
Silence can be golden but gold can sometimes suffocate
Like that girl in that James Bond film, too late to respirate
Tragedy can be plain to see with lights and sirens
But sometimes it ain't quite so clear, Domestic Silence
~Scroobius Pip
We almost met again last night, huh? But I gave you away. I gave up my LAST hidden "stash" of tools to Mom so that I wouldn't slip up when it had been twelve days.
And I absolutely hate that I REGRET that decision. Because it was the healthiest thing to do, the right thing, and YOU make me regret it because I want you. It's almost been two weeks. We're OVER. Leave me alone.
I wish I could live without you, I wish I didn't feel like I ABSOLUTELY need you to survive, to get up and out of bed in the morning. I have someone else now, some one who is there, someone who actually cares about my well-being, but you keep trying to creep back into my life... and I'm afraid to be rid of you. I don't want to feel like I need you anymore, cause I don't... but it feels like I can't function without you. T^T
you're a bogart, a shapeshifter, a sly trickster, and a con artist. but i will come to recognize all your guises yet, so that i can pick you out, expose you, and banish you when you dare to show your face to me again. and maybe you will attempt to infiltrate my life frequently for a while. but eventually i will get so good at catching and jailing and expelling you that you will shrink away with your tail between your legs and leave me alone for longer and longer stretches of time, as it takes you longer and longer to recuperate from the beating i will give you, until you get the message and leave me for good!
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I shaved today before I went swimming and I didn't think about you.
And then I went swimming. And yeah, there were scars left from you on my arms and legs, but you know what? They were HEALING scars and nothing fresh. Today is day 14 and it's almost over. I'm living without you and getting stronger by the day.
you ruined me i cant wear sleevless tops
you make me feel as if i have to lie
your like a drug i need you but i hate you i cant stand you
you have made me deteate , you made me look like a fool
you dont hurt physically no matter how shallow or how deep but you f*CK ME UP MENTALLY...................
i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you but god! i love the rush you give me
man even my words are screwed
young girl its alright your tears will soon dry your soon be free to fly
she's falling from grace , she's all over the place..............
But these are flowers that fly and all but sing: And now from having ridden out desire They lie closed over in the wind and cling Where wheels have freshly sliced the April mire. Robert Frost, "Blue-Butterfly Day"
You've helped me to become the one thing I never wanted to become...an addict. And now I've been swallowed whole by you, and I can't seem to fully be free. Please let me go.
~ I'll Paint You A Picture, I'll Paint It With A Twist, I'll Paint It In Red, With The Canvas On My Wrist.~
♥ .I'm going to fall like I don't need saving. ♥
...My smile's just the armour I built when I was alone...
There was some part of me that hurt so badly, that I wouldn't ever be able to forget it.
It faded but the memories could bring it back any second, keeping me in the moment.
It would never fully heal. I could never really be free. I could never really be fixed. Now I just have to work out how to live whilst being broken.
I feel like I'm dying.
Im done with you. yes we had some good well i cant really say good times. But my life has blossomed without you. and i am damn proud of myself now.
im doing amazingly without you and yes i still miss the rush you gave me and the shoulder you gave me to lean on but you not and will never be worth my happiness.
Namaste
“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”-Buddha
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
