Advice would be appreciated <3

[dreamscollide]

So, i haven't been here in a while. The main reason being I felt that i was sorta done with cutting etc and getting my life back, depression and anxiety seemed to slowly become more manageable.

Panic attacks are back... Depression never even went away.

I have serious anger issues and I could feel myself getting a shorter and shorter temper.

Cutting a long story short. I had an arguament about an ex boyfriend after a night in a supermarket (yep classy.) I ended up hitting a girl, I was provoked. The police are involved and i've been charged with assault. I know if I get convicted I wont be able to travel to America, or work with children (two of my aspirations)

I'm feeling pretty low and frankly. I'm SCARED. I know what I done was wrong etc and I wish I could have just walked away now.

I'm 4 months free.
I feel like i need the punishment/relief of cutting again.

I don't even know what i'm supposed to do now :(

[88shelz]

convictions dont always hold back all your dreams.
im not sure about america...but when it comes to employment you not at a dead end. if you are everything the employer wants they may have a chat about the conviction and find out the circumstances before deeming you unsuitable.

also try not to panick too much right now. it may not even lead to a conviction if tis is your first "crime" and you have no other record of "bad" behaviour. x

[Pilgrim]

Hey,
I once got charged for hitting a girl in similar circumstances who after that had short-term hearing problems (at least that's what she said...). But as it was more or less a minor thing, we had a victim-offender mediation, which meant that there was no real lawsuit in front of a judge, but more a talk with a neutral official. So in the end we kind of "agreed" on a fine for me and I can still say that I have never been convicted. I think this is actually a quite common procedure in those cases, so there is a good chance you can still travel to the USA and work with children. Also if you should get convicted, those minor offences usually get deleted from the records after a few years.

I hope for you that everything goes well and don't punish yourself for this! Stay strong, 4 months is a really good time, try not to relapse because of this.