I don't really get what happened to me earlier today. I was feeling really good and emotionally strong today, it had been exactly 7 days since I'd last self harmed. My arm was all healed so I could roll my sleeves up because the weather is finally getting warm. Then I saw some some armed forces guys in their camo and combat boots, they had an info booth set up in the hallway at school. I got super nervous, pulled down my sleeves before I walked by and ended up self harming in the bathroom 15 minutes later.
I am kind of dissapointed in myself that I can only seem to make it about a week before I give in, I used to be able to go 2 months easy. I guess this is how this sort of thing works though, it slowly gets worse and harder to stop...Anyways, the same thing always seems to happen when I see police, paramedics, firefighters...anything like that. I get really nervous and want to cut but I don't really know why I'm so afraid of them. The only thing I can think of is I was really scared when the paramedics came when I attempted suicide a few years ago. Maybe the fear I had relating to the incident got kind of transferred to the paramedics because they were so invovled in it?
Does anyone else have problems when they see police, paramedics, armed forces etc...? Is there anything you can do about it?
"Some people get by, with a little understanding. Some people get by, with a whole lot more."
I don't have that problem myself, but I think the association from a few years ago would make sense as an explanation for your fear. Is there anybody you can talk to about this? I know it's easier said than done, but try to keep in mind that they're trying to help you, not scare you.
Also, you're right about it getting harder to stop as time goes on, so don't feel too down on yourself about it. Just try to hang in there. I found that the first few months of quitting were the most difficult.
I do, if i see paraedics go flying by or the police or police car it makes me .. scared though i arent sure why.
I think i might be scared of them , if thats the right word as when i was in A&E for an od i couldn't leave due to the paramedics and police.. so that may be the reason why.
I'm the same way but I think it is with the thing that happened a few years ago for you that makes a lot of since to me anyways but I dint know about mine
Everybody falls sometimes you got to find the strength to rise from the ashes and make a new beginning anyone can feel the ache you think it's more than you can take but you're stronger, stronger than you know.
I can't say I'm similar in that it causes me to self-harm but I get uneasy whenever I see an ambulance, paramedics or the police. It's a little like that I have something to hide and it is of massive importance that I do so. I believe that this stems from my own experiences of an overdose two years ago, so that would mean that you could be similar. Perhaps think about what thoughts pop into your mind whenever you see someone with a uniform. Is it fear that they might restrain or hurt you or something else? That might best help you pinpoint why it is you feel like you do.
you could work on desensitizing yourself by thinking about them, and sitting through until the anxiety and urge passes, and then gradually bump it up to looking at pictures and such. so that you won't react as strongly in the future
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I'm the same, I don't know why, but I get very anxious when I see firefighters or paramedics or policemen. Your past experiences might very well be the cause of your fear. For me, I'm not sure but I've been going with the guess that it has to do with them being 'hero's' and I have this irrational fear that somehow they'll just know that I SI. Completely irrational. I don't harm because of it, but I get antsy and anxious and shivery-triggered.
Silence can be golden but gold can sometimes suffocate
Like that girl in that James Bond film, too late to respirate
Tragedy can be plain to see with lights and sirens
But sometimes it ain't quite so clear, Domestic Silence
~Scroobius Pip
My thing used to be whenever I was going to the drs, my therapist or psychiatrist I used to cut either before,after or sometimes both. I'm not sure why. I also get extremely nervous going to a new dr and it makes it worse, plus it makes my blood pressure go up....... Idk why I would do that but then I went into the hospital and I haven't cut in 4 months and am praying to god I can at least make it to 6 months...
Big Sister:Squiggles Little Sister: PaintItBlack Cousins: dereksarah, Hollz
For me, I'm not sure but I've been going with the guess that it has to do with them being 'hero's' and I have this irrational fear that somehow they'll just know that I SI. Completely irrational.
I defineatly think this is one of the reasons I'm afraid of them too, I just couldn't put it into words quite right. Not just that they might know, but they also would have the power to do something about it. It is pretty irrational though, I agree.
ziralover16- I feel the same about Dr's as I do police, firefighters etc... They sort of fit into the same category in a way, they have that similar authority figure/hero feel to them I think.
I guess I'll add this onto the long list of things to possibly discuss once I get into therapy. :p
"Some people get by, with a little understanding. Some people get by, with a whole lot more."
