Triggering (SI) - i dont know wats wrong with me...

[Mrs-Hicks-xxx]

i dont get how i can feel so strongly, but yet not understand wats goin on in my head to make me feel so bad, it dosnt make sense, how am i ment to get help if i cant even explain how im feeling, iv been to doctors but i can never bring myself to try to explain it, its that whole scary authoritive person thing that jus makes me nod and smile. i do things that dont make sense to me let alone any one else, and to make it worse when i look in the mirror i hate the person infront of me and it frightens me that you only live once and my only chance at life is to b me and il never be anyone else. i scream at my bf with frustration because i need things done in a certain way or i feel like this strom wil come over me if i dont and all he tries to do is help. im alienating myself and my parents cant see that anything is wrong, my mum jus says that its pmt, i dnt kno where to go to get away from this i just want to feel normal. i go thru fazes where i feel amazin and alive but the better i feel the harder i come down and i cant enjoy feelin good because i hav a feelin in my tummy thats sayin to me it wont last and il just be down again soon!
im sorry for wafflin on but i needed to get it out.
love jo xxxxx

[cutupangel09]

Feeling strongly about something never neccasarily means you understand it completley. I don't know what advice to give you because I get that way to. Not all authoritative figures are bad, they are there to help some just don't do that so well. Putting on a smile isn't helping yourself any. Alienating may seem good and to get you away but it is only temporary you still have to face everything so oner or later. Happiness can't always stay but you can try to make it last. Good Luck.

[Mrs-Hicks-xxx]

Thanx for that hun, but i know i need to tell someone about it to get it sorted but last time i went to the dr i jus came away with a perscription for more pills and feelin like iv made no progress at all, is there anyone other than drs that u can go to?

[spiffykt]

I have the same trouble with smiling and going along with things instead of trying to explain them - would it help you to try to write down an explination instead of having to say it?

I'm not sure who else there is to go to other than the doctors, since I live over in the US, but maybe try looking online for something? (Sorry if that's absolutely useless advice, I go to the internet for everything.)

Good luck hun!

<3 Katie