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Why is family so stressful?
Hi!
My sister is 15 and for the past year she's been going to school about 2 hours away from home. She's going to a free residential school for kids from low-income families. It is an amazing opportunity for her, as they will pay for her college, they take her to doctors, dentists, counselors, etc. and pay for all of it. She is finally adjusted to her new "home" and seems to be doing pretty well in school. I've visited it several times myself and it really is a great school and home.
However, I know she's been depressed lately, and her being so far away is difficult for all of us. I feel like I can't be there for her as much as I want to be, even more so now because of my new job. She has told me that she has been self injuring. Right now her SI is not extremely destructive, but the fact that she's doing it at all is not a good sign. She's been really moody and gets mad really easily. She is coming home this weekend to visit and because of my new job, I cant pick her up, which I usually do. I told her this a few days ago so that we would have enough time to find another way. I also offered to pick her up on Friday afternoon instead of Thursday because I have meetings Thursday. Anyway, she got all pissed off and started blaming me for everything, for not giving her enough time and for "lying" to her because I said before that I could possibly pick her up and now I can't. I know some of this is normal teenager behavior, but it is driving me crazy. I have been going out of my way for so long, trying to make sure she gets home whenever she can, and she doesn't seem to appreciate it. My mom doesn't have a car so it always falls to me. Everyone just expects that I drop everything and work around my life to make sure she gets what she wants. Now that it is harder for me to do that, she's getting pissy with me and is almost withdrawing from me.
This whole thing really bothers me. I don't know how to deal with her thinking she's the center of the universe. I feel like if I tell her how I feel about her behavior and give her consequences for it (like not picking her up or getting her a day later), she will withdraw more from me and the self injury will get worse. It hurts me to know that she is hurting, and I feel this need to hurt myself to take some of her pain away, but I know that makes no sense. That's the way it's always been. I want to make everything ok for everyone, and because I can't I feel helpless, even though I know it's unrealistic.
I have a lot going on right now, and the fact that my family doesn't realize how much my life is changing and how much stress that brings really makes me angry. I understand that this is hard for my sister. That's why I go out of my way to get her home and to be there for her. I just want the same in return.
Sorry for writing so much. Venting.
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