Triggering (SI/Abuse) - Feeling vulnerable

purple fog · 06-09-2007, 08:48 PM

Hi,
I've never been here before. i feel lost. I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place. a long time ago, when i was 14 i was raped by my boyfriend at the time. Sometimes it doesnt bother me but other times i feel like it follows me everywhere. its been 6 years and i keep waiting for it to go away, but every time i think ive lost it, it comes back just as im feeling at my most vulnerable. I get these urges, these desires to hurt myself, by drinking so much im sick, or cutting myself or burning myself on the oven. Most of the time, like now, i fight them, but sometimes i give in and that just makes me feel worse. I don't want to live my life like this, always fearing the next battle i have to do with myself, the next bad dream, the next time i have to force myself to leave the house. I'm frightened. I'm sorry. I don't know what to do.

xXOpheliaXx · 06-09-2007, 09:56 PM

i know that feeling hunni, i was nearly raped by my ex wen i was 11 n that wont go away. i can only help by saying i kinda know how you feel.

toothpaste · 06-09-2007, 10:03 PM

Welcome to ryl!
just want you to know we're all here for you hun if you need to talk about it.

Like Katie says i know the feeling too.. i was sexual abused when i was 7, but the thing i find encouraging is knowing there are other people who know what its like... and i hope you can find strength in this.

ghosts in the machine · 06-09-2007, 10:39 PM

I know what it feels like too..

Have you ever thought about/had any counselling for this hun? It would probably help to get it all organised in your mind and talk to someone about how you feel.

Someone once told me that it doesn't really "go away" as such - more that you learn to live with it. But you do need to work it out for it to stop hurting so much.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat hun, take care of yourself xxx

psychoangel13 · 11-09-2007, 03:31 PM

omg, the same thing happened to me, I was raped by my boyfriend when I was 14, I'm now 21 and I still have trouble talking about it, I tried counselling and couldn't even say the words. It's like it follows me around everywhere I go, and I feel bad coz it's been 7 years and I should be over it. I should at least be able to say the words. If you ever need to talk, please PM me, e-mail me or add me to your msn. My e-mail address is highflyin_diva01@hotmail.com.

Take care

luv Shellie

Chrissyann · 12-09-2007, 05:59 PM

Like everyone that's posted above, I also have an idea how you feel. As xxgothic_angelxx said, counselling might be a good step forward for you if you don't have it already. I know people say it all the time, but talking IS the best way of coming to terms with it. I've been lucky to find a new boyfriend who I can talk to about everything that happened to me, and also a very good friend, and I finally feel that I'm moving on from what happened. And the same can happen for you hun, whether its a counsellor or a friend, or even talking to us here.

Take care hun, and feel free to PM me if you need anything
Chrissy
xxx