I don't understand what I am doing to myself. I don't understand why I feel like hurting myself is a good idea. But, I carry on doing it anyway, and the most annoying thing is, I feel ok. I don't even really feel bad. I'm fine. And yet, I've just SIed, because, well, because I can, I think. I think that's really the only reason I've just done it. It hasn't made me feel better, it hasn't been a release, it hasn't been anything because I'm fine. But if I'm so fine, why am I doing this to myself? I really don't understand. It's such a waste, and all it will do tomorrow is irritate me, because I'll have cuts to cover and it will just frustrate me. I just don't get it; I never know how I feel, and I feel like there must be something going on deep down because I shouldn't just be doing this, but it just seems as though this is something I do. Part of me hates it, I feel fine, I want to not have to cover cuts etc and part of me just doesn't even care.
I can understand were your coming from and that place can be very frustrating indeed. I went through that but mine was more if i was bored sometimes i would sh then become angry as there was no reason for me to do it ,I just did.
I think the thing you have to try to work out was why you did it you said it was not a release or not made you feel better. As when you can figure out why you did it you can prevent that and therefore prevent harming and becoming angry at yourself. As if not the cycle will just continue.
So if you was bored ( for example) try to distract yourself, if you can feel you have urges etc again watch tv, draw , write etc. With me, normally i had thought about it before ' i am bored.. i will just sh' and its then that i had to stop myself or distract myself.
That happens to me too :/ Things could be going perfectly alright, but I'm still tempted to hurt myself. I can't give much advice since I haven't been able to conquer this... I hope you're doing alright! Feel free to send a PM if you need to talk
*hugs*
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
Like the others I can relate to this too. A lot of the time SH is related to the fact that it's for a release or to make you feel something, so overall to do with emotions. But sometimes people like the stage of caring for wounds afterwards, even if it's only an immediate and short thing, in a way it's like 'self-compassion'. I don't know if this helps organise your thoughts a bit more into what you may be thinking, but I think the best way for you to conquer this is to try to distract yourself in the same way that you would when you do need that release. If you're more interested in finding out the source of your thoughts, then you could try what I do, take a piece of plain paper and then just write whatever words down that come to mind. Doesn't have to make sense, but then when you read back over it sometimes it does.
I hope this helps xx
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
Are there things in your life that you've been prevented from doing? You say that sometimes you harm yourself 'because you can', and I'm wondering if there is a connection here.
