*waves* I'm Bex, I used to use this site a lot, stopped for a while and have been kind of skirting around the forums for a while thinking about posting and never really making it... so, Hi.
This is kind of a general question, I'm just wondering about what other people have found helpful (or not) in similar situations because I'm not really sure where to go from here. I have had mental health issues for about 10/11 years (23 now) including pretty severe self-harm. In the past I've been diagnosed with Major Depression and it's been suggested I have BpD, and more recently Bipolar II. I've tried a lot of different medications- SSRIs, MAOIs, tricyclics, mood stabilisers, anti-psychotics... and partly because I haven't always been very responsible, partly because of side effects etc, I have changed medication a lot. I've kind of come to terms with maybe never being "better", just "treatable"...
Last year I moved away, I thought a bit of distance would help me "grow up & sort myself out" (bad idea- it failed). I had a fairly disruptive hypomanic episode, followed by fairly severe depression and paranoia. Then I was "fine". I moved back here to finish my degree and started taking a mood stabiliser but due to a medical f*-up, I ended up unmedicated and had another pretty serious bout of depression made a lot worse by alcohol abuse. During it I was violent, often drunk, low, and really hard to be around. It lasted quite a long time and because of the alcohol, the quetiapine i was given was of limited use. My new psych. says it is up to me whether to take medication or not (?!) and since she read all my notes from when I was a teenager, she suddenly has "difficulty diagnosing" my current situation. I have also started going to counselling (whole other thread in the making) because if these problems are recurring, I guess it's irresponsible to keep ignoring them.
So I guess my question is- what kinds of treatments have other people found helpful? Does anyone go for the whole "treat episodes as they happen" method? And if so- how does this work, how do you prevent them from getting too severe before you can get help? Is talking useful? Is CBT? I know different things work for different people, just... interested and at a little bit of a loss after so long trying to solve this.
Sorry for the huge long back-story... and thanks for any replies.
*also- i found paroxetine pretty helpful but because of a history of unstable moods/ brief hypomania, i'm not allowed any... any thoughts?
UPDATE (from my other thread)
Back from the psychiatrist. My girlfriend came with me, which was helpful. At least this way she can see and hear what is being said to me, as I'm sure sometimes it sounds like I make it up. We talked about how things had been good, and then were not good, and how hard I find it to keep things good. And my girlfriend asked if I had a diagnosis because we seem to be being stabbed in the dark a lot of the time. And the psychiatrist went through how, in the past, people had suggested it was a bipolar illness (because of the hypomanic episode and the fact the depression was episodic rather than constant, and the impulsive actions) but that the closest diagnosis she felt was Borderline or Emotionally Unstable Personality, because the emotional aspect was what had the most damaging effect, as well as my attempts to fill the void with alcohol, self harm and risk-taking. She suggested another mood stabiliser, but said it was up to me. So I'm pros-and-cons-ing it tonight. In a way, at least a stabiliser would do what it says on the tin- while I am learning to cope with my moods, it will be like an extra set of bike wheels, stop me feeling like I'm teetering on a tightrope on a unicycle. On the other hand, maybe I can do without? But this is such a huge maybe, and there is so much at stake... I understand why medication might seem like a jump when I'm OK-ish just now but she said, maybe this is the best time to try it, when I'm not drinking half a bottle of vodka a day, or tearing myself to pieces. And that's true- if it's ever going to work, now will be the time.
Last edited by dollpart : 31-01-2011 at 05:39 PM.
Reason: updating
Also I should mention, I am trying especially hard now because I moved in with my girlfriend about 6 weeks ago. We have been together just over a year and she's been incredibly supportive even when I least deserved it, and if anything else happens I risk losing her. So although part of me thinks I'm fine now, I don't need help right now, there's always this undercurrent of not trusting myself, remembering how I've become unwell seemingly out of the blue at different times. I can't be selfish- but is it worth being on medication when I feel OK?
I've had a similar issue w not being diagnosed easily,anxiety,depression,unstable moods/emotionally unstable personaily disoder and bipolar 2 have all Been bandied around. I've had counselling and I'm currently on a combo of ANtidespressant mess(fluoxetine) and a mood stabiliser (epilim) for what my psychiatrist thinks iS most likely bipolar two and I'm finding that helpful. I get tempted to go off it but if I skip a day or twos meds I notice it so figure it must work. The major thing that made me what to get it under control and go on medication was cos I didn't want to put my boyfriend thru that. Anyway I know where ur coming from pm me if u want to talk more *hugs*
"just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it turned into a beautiful butterfly..."
Hey Sunshine, thanks a lot for that post. that's really helpful as that's one of the treatments i'd been wondering about... I used to take epilim as well, then they gave me the wrong one last year which is why I came off everything... do you think the combination makes you feel more stable? & does it make you numb? i'm not sure if that makes sense... *hugs* & thanks.
ive had CBT and it was no help at all i have some simlare problems and what has started to drag me out of the **** is DBT ita aimed at people with BPD i havnt got a dignosis but it is supecterd that i have bpd, bipoler and depression/anxity **** too. so DBT is good for SH too that what it was pretty much maid for.
Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive
So live for the moment
Hey Bex,
For me venlafaxine was the holy grail. Before that I was put on Prozac, Zoloft and some other random AD that made me crash in a week.......However, after being diagnosed with clinical depression, my lovely AD seemed to make me go nice and hypomanic a couple of times and then I got diagnosed with biploar 2 and put on depakote/ Eplim.
I have had different shrinks have different opinions on my diagnosis but it was my choice. Sometimes people don't understand the level of control one has on what you disclose in a short session with a rotating SHO who never met you before.
I found CBT was helpful in the beginning. Extremely.
Taking meds or compliance is a personal decision. I have messed up a couple times, hated how the meds make me feel, been sick of the amount of meds I take and forgot..............the point is I choose to take meds. As a result I try to talk to my doc when I forget or felt changes of moods. My meds have been altered slightly at my request over the years and that part of the client doctor relationship is probably why I keep going to my sessions.
There is no quick fix. A diagnosis is only a guideline for the doc- everyone is unique. Bipolar is a very difficult diagnosis to make- but very treatable. If being a jerk were I diagnosis I would probably have a dual diagnosis sometimes.
You are not alone. Don't underestimate the support that your partner can provide especially in identifying your mood changes before things go too far. I used to go to A&E if I wanted to SH. My shrink got really pissed off and said I wasn't coping but I didn't cut so I didn't care what they thought. I can't do that anymore and it is really scary. Explore your options- support groups/ hotlines/ advocates/ support workers.........
~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red
“It’s time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. It’s not working for women, it’s not working for men,
it’s not working for polar bears.” Arianna Huffington 2014
Thanks for all the replies before. It's been a while since I posted this and since then I've had my diagnosis "changed" to BPD, which has been frustrating as it seems like they have reverted to my first diagnosis, without taking actual depressive episodes (not PD related ones) into account. I was assessed for depression by a psychologist about 4 months ago and was classed "severely depressed"- and things have got better since then but i don't understand how two psych.team people who saw me for half an hour can suddenly tell me I don't have a depressive illness because I wasn't clinically depressed at the exact moment they spoke to me. Surely "recurring depression" means "not always depressed"?
Anyway for me the main thing is getting the right treatment. I'm less hung up on a diagnosis than just on getting the right help, because I really don't want to be the way I was again.- but it almost seems as though my psychiatrist has given up. She suggested exercise and fruit.
I have an appointment on Monday and after a really hard few months I finally feel able to behave responsibly, take some control for myself, have a say in how this progresses... But again, I'm scared of not being taken seriously. And I've found myself wanting to go back on SSRIs- despite the nasty side effects, Paroxetine made a huge, noticeable improvement but because of the original Bipolar II diagnosis, I was refused any more SSRIs. I'm hoping that if they are wiping the Bipolar from my diagnostic slate, I can get anti-depressants but I have a feeling my psych. thinks I am just in it for sh*** and giggles.
It seems strange that they don't put you on antidepressants if you are depressed. I have bipolar I, and have antidepressants alongside a mood stabiliser as needed.
I have never taken lamotrigine myself, sorry, but I have heard that side-effects are meant to be negligible and it can help with depressive symptoms without the risk of triggering (hypo)mania, so it sounds like it's definitely worth a try.
Take care.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
lamotrigine has been very helpful for me personally, it has helped take the edges off the depression and mania and made me a bit more stable.
I still think you should talk to your doctor about taking ADs though. just because you're at a higher risk for becoming manic, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to happen. you'll just have to be monitored very closely.
I also have bipolar II and I'm on duloxetine alongside the lamotrigine, and really, my depression would never have gotten better without it.
hope everything will work itself out quickly
x.
I know- the "not-being-allowed-ADs" has really, really frustrated me. I asked about them months and months ago because i was trying to be responsible and not let it get so bad- and they refused me! Gave me quetiapine which didn't help a lot and just made me too tired to do anything, let alone get much better. So I'm very frustrated just now- because I *asked* for ADs and I feel like, if they had listened instead of faffing about and prattling on about unstable mood, maybe I wouldn't have got to some of the low points that I did. Grr. Is just feeding the feeling of helplessness really.
