Is it wrong *mentions SI*

BreeLovesStephen · 24-01-2011, 11:42 AM

Is it wrong... :(

Is it wrong for me to want my family to be there for me too :( && see juss how bad i'm hurting. Ever since my brother was diagnosed with cancer, things have been really really hard. && it's really making me depressed again. I don't want to be here. I juss want to like sleep the world away. I wish my family would notice but they don't. && when my sister made a comment to them... it juss seems to be that i need to stop trying to get attention && realize my brother has cancer.

I feel like they are right, I feel horrible for even wanting any attention. But I just want my family to be there for me too. && I feel like they aren't. I know my brother has the shitty end of the stick :( but I have to sit back and watch him andd all I want to do is protect him. I can't even do that :(

It's all getting to the point where I want to start relapsing every day :( I wanna smokee && forget everything. I just don't want to be here anymore..

xgx · 24-01-2011, 11:56 AM

To be honest with you i dont think its wrong at all ive been in the same situation kinda my dad had cancer and althought i wanted to help him and make him better i still wanted someone to be there for me so i talked to the one person i trusted and it helped loads.Maybe you could try talking to someone you trust or saying to your brother that your hear for him.

G x

BreeLovesStephen · 24-01-2011, 12:03 PM

The only people I can really talk to && like vent things are my boyfriend && my older sister, Michelle. They are the only ones that understand. && my sister's been trying to drop little hints like how I didn't get anything for my sixteenth birthday && how I should get some attention too. But everyone juss seems to make comments like "Does she realize her brother has cancer?" or "Smiley is more important."

I never questioned how important it is that Smiley (my brother) gets the attention that he needs.. But i'm going through this too. && right now, i'm pretty much alone. I haven't seen my mom in a couple days, she stays in the hospital with my brother. My mom is the only person I have :( and it's juss soo frustrating. Smiley isn't the only one who's going through this :(

xgx · 24-01-2011, 01:16 PM

what about asking your mum if you and her can spend abit of time together and then maybe you could both go to hosp and see your brother. You and your sister could just sit your mum down and say something like i know my brother has cancer and that hes going through a tough time but i am too and a hug or sometime would be good. Even if its just a hour a week its always something.

BreeLovesStephen · 24-01-2011, 01:21 PM

Well, i can't really do that because the hospital is like an hour and a half away && it's a lot on gas soo my stepdad can't really take me down whenever. When he first got admitted in the hospital we were down there every other day, some times every day. He was in there for almost a month. && then he came home and he was home for three days && then got sick soo he had to be readmitted into the hospital. He's supposed to be home sometime today. But I don't know if he is going to be because we are supposed to get this wicked bad storm.

&& as far as talking to my mom, it's hard for me. Because we've never gotten along. && we fight alot. && i don't want her to criticize me or anything like that... because I just can't handle it right now. My boyfriend's mom offered to talk to me, but she hasn't returned any of my texts soo i don't know if that offer still stands.

I juss wish things were back to "normal" :/

xgx · 24-01-2011, 01:26 PM

you could ring your bfs mum and just say you could do with a chat.
Maybe if your brother comes home tonite you can all spend some time together.
Things will take time to get sorted when my dad had cancer it change the whole family situation but all you can do is try and talk and sort it out.you could write her a letter?