Hi everyone, How have you all been? Ive been so tired lately can hardly come on here but starting to feel better now so hopefully will be aroudn more. hope your day has been goodxx
Differences...are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open. GOF
Albus Dumbledore
Maybe your therapist will be able to change the days that you go and see her/him? Are you doing individual therapy, or group? Because I suppose itd be easier if its not group because maybe theyll just be able to fit it around your new timetable.
Today has been sort of semi-ok for me. I had an awful nightmare this morning though just before I woke up so Ive been thinking about that alot today. Also my partners been in a really shitty mood today although he's gone out with friends now so he's cheered up a bit. When I felt **** earlier I bought alcahol, and now Im drinking it, which isnt so good I guess. Im just finding it really hard to deal with stuff at the moment, even if its small things.
becareful with the drinking hun. it wont help long term. have u tried something simple like goin on a walk with some music or writing everything down thats getting to you ?
yeah im doing group therapy so can't really re-arrange. more than likely i'll end up on the bottom of a 6month waiting list for something
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
Try and and look on the bright side, because even if you do end up on a waiting list, at least you get some time to think about what you want from therpy and what you like to try and do! Cause I found from personal experience in therpy there always like how would you like to help yourself? What do you think you should do? Which is why I personaly cant carry on myself because for once Id like someone to tell me what to do, so Id stop makin mistakes and having to think about things.
I tried writing down how Im feeling and stuff, but I feel so stupid doing that and I can never explain properly and after Ive written it I feel like a drama queen and I should just 'buck my ideas up' and it ends up making me feel worse a lot of the time.
And I dont feel like I can go for a walk because Im in a new area at the moment and I feel kind of worried about going out the house.
I know drinking isnt good, but its just so hard not to, you know?
Anyway, sorry, thats my little moan over!
I hate waiting lists - its so disheartening - but aliceolivia (sorry I dont know your name) has a good point, that at least you can think about exactly what you want from it and stuff.
Eurgh have suddenly come over a little depressed now :( just watching all my friends back in Guildford going on with life and not even thinking to message me to say Happy christmas. Even my own best friend! I haven't heard from her in months though not for a lack of trying on my part. Why does this keep happening to me??? god!!
Sorry for my little moan. On a positive note, I am going to look at another rabbit next week to get Selina a little friend.
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
I've got BPD and bipolar (lucky lucky). Just thought I'd pop in and say hi.
I am also bipolar and I have borderline personality disorder. If you need anything you can message me and we can talk if you would like about our experiences so u know that ur not alone.
Ive been recently diagnosed with bpd/bipolar after battling unknownly for years. Its nice to finally have some answers to what ive named my other self. My out bursts are very common atm as im still getting meds right. Now i know what she is i can attempt to.control her. Would like to meet more suffers and understand myself better.
I tried writing down how Im feeling and stuff, but I feel so stupid doing that and I can never explain properly and after Ive written it I feel like a drama queen and I should just 'buck my ideas up' .
thats a totaly judgement on yourself there hun. its ok to write and your not being a drama queen your just getting it out. if your not writing it on facebook then your not trying to get attention from it so whats the problem .. yeah ? try challenging that little voice.
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you
v
on a less positive note. neither my therapists or tutor can amend my timetable in the way i want.
So looks like i now have to change modules. i actually deteste not being "normal" and just studying what i want at uni.
Last edited by Left in the centre : 20-01-2011 at 01:53 PM.
Reason: typo
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
I'm back to being really suicidal again and I don't know how to cope with it. I'm not allowed to be admitted to a psych ward so that gives me the freedom to act on my impulses. I'm not even sure if they are impulses though, I feel like i've thought long and hard about this and have come to the right conclusion. I just need to break the news to my brother, or not. I don't know how to decide.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
i know it can be hard to stay positive when it feels like no matter how hard you try, something still goes wrong. But then when you get to your goal at the end you can be even more proud of yourself for managing not only to do it, but to do it when things have been so crap or things have gone so wrong - you still managed to overcome those obstacles and get where you want to be/get what you want.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
One_Step - is there any support that you could get? I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way, but as said before these feelings aren't permanent (:
Sarah - I know how you feel, I had to change from A-Levels to a BTEC because I react so badly to the stress of exams, but I know that I'm smart enough to get good grades in A-Levels.
Got to go see my doc in a bit. First time since I came off meds in late November. Worried about what he is going to say, especially as I haven't had a good week this week with self harm and ODs. I'm scared that the only option is to go back on some kind of medication, btu I don't want to do that. I like my moods lasting for more than a few hours; if I go back on SSRIs that I'll never know what mood I'm going to be in and when. It's too much disruption. But equally not being on meds I run the risk of a big breakdown with a depressive episode and then potentially being in a lot of danger. I don't know. It's not fair that I have to make this decision.
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
I have a question and I think this is the right thread for it. My GP is pretty convinced that I have bpd, she can't officially diagnose me though so I'm going to a psych assessment on monday. She told me that once I got officially diagnosed that she has an "intensive treatment program in mind" which sounds rather unappealing. She didn't really tell me anything about borderline though or what it is.
So my questions are, what is bpd, how does it affect you? Also does being officially diagnosed change anything, does it make you feel different about yourself?
(Sorry if this wasn't the right place to post this :p)
"Some people get by, with a little understanding. Some people get by, with a whole lot more."
kimaru - what is bpd, thats difficult. i think for the most part its the impusive part of the personality theres a lot of stuff on the internet about it, impulsivity, fear of abandonment, self damaging activities eg casual sex gambling self harm , self harm of suicidal behaviour, intense anger, that kind of stuff. not everyone has it all though. from what i remember about looking it up when i was first diagnosed there were 9 criteria and you had to meet 5 or 7 of them to have bpd.
offically getting diagnosed cant make things like life insurance harder - or so im told - and i think it affects people in different ways.
i got way to bogged down in having a label so now i try to say well this is me, and bpd is just the word psych's use to know how to treat me.
i hope that helps a bit.
update on my situation . im changing my module to something i dont wanna do. just gotta get it finalised. at least its resolved even if its not what i want. Still struggling quite a lot with impulses and urges but "behaving" myself still
hope your all ok
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
I can't work out whether the docs appt went well or not. He said to me that he honestly thought when I took myself off meds that I was going to land up in hospital within weeks, and the fact that I haven't has roved that I probably actually made the right decision. But still, I don't know what to do. All he seems to want to consider is ADs, and I dunno, but we KNOW they don't help, and there are so many other options out there but he won't consider them.
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
Kimaru... I'm not sure really how to define BPD generally. I can tell you what it is for me, though. Mine's largely down to relational difficulties. I can feel easily criticised and as a result, withdraw or lash out. I am lonely. I fear abandonment, and swing between rejecting people's support and craving it inappropriately in a way that's damaging to me. I'm all-or-nothing. Sometimes when I'm rightfully angry, I don't realise it, and project it onto other people, thinking they are angry with me. Sometimes I'm angry with one person and blame it on another without realising. I feel rejected and unwanted easily, or fear I will be hurt, because that has been my experience. I'm a lot of fears and confusions bundled into one, and ultimately, I'm so afraid of rejection and pain that I avoid ever really letting people close. I am extremely sensitive and, without realising, all sorts of little things can remind me of the past, leading me to feel angry, depressed or frightened - moods which sometimes change rapidly. I'm desperate to distract from these feelings so I might behave dangerously and I have a lot of problems with psychosis, and some with dissociation. Sometimes I self harm to, unconsciously, scare other people into not leaving my side, because I am so frightened and unsafe myself. I am a mixture of desperately trying to save myself and desperately trying to destroy myself. I am a lot of things in contradiction. I don't know who I am and might get caught up in an idea and try to use it as an identity. Though perhaps I have lost my identity simply by having spent so long in mental health services. Most of all, I am frightened, and still partially caught in the past.
There is a YouTube video which I found helpful too. I won't post a link because there is one brief image of self harm in it, but, if you're unlikely to be triggered by it (it was recommended to me by a professional) then look up "bpd trigger" on YouTube and it's the first video on the list.
