just feel really low, feel like a failure, a waste of space that will never amount to anything. at the moment its like taken 5 steps forwards, 5 steps backwards. cant seam to win right now.
Does anyone know of any tips to keep yourself safe and well...
(I went to the doctors yesterday as I didnt want to feel suicidal and depressed any more I wanted to make a change.. so my doctor said they would be in touch with my other doctor I see often to arrange meds asap, Im currently waiting on a phone call to get this started. In meantime I got to figure a way...)
A slow strangle with feet on the floor
I've got 14 angels and we're sleeping alone
In the back of a cave, where the rest of us go
To feel normal
I call baby up. Leave me alone.
I'm in pain but I won't let you band-aid the wound
I'm mad at a stage where I can't even handle my own
To state the obvious (what with the title). I want to die. I failed once. And that upsets me so much sometimes.
People keep telling me that I'm good at ____. Or I am ______. Or I have _____ to live for. Any maybe they're right. Maybe they aren't. But it really doesn't make much difference. I haven't "acted" in so long (for me). And I'm trying to make it one more week. But it's so hard. And I really am having trouble bringing myself to care.
Evidently my psych does not find my issues very severe. Which made me really frustrated. I'm telling him these things...well, not all of it, but off he goes and says, "I think you're doing great". I'm sorry, did you not hear me? I said I feel horrid. I said I'm barely eating. Would it get your attention if I told you what happened 1/2/11? Would you get it then?!?
I feel angry and upset. I don't want to go to bed because my dreams make me wake up drained. I don't want to think. I want to fade to oblivion. The friends I need around me aren't "easily accessible" in that they live a distance away and are just as busy as I.
That's another thing. School. I hate it. I spend everyday, wishing I wasn't there. Wishing that I could be invisible. But in such a small school where you know everyone and everyone knows you, it's hard to hide. And I really can't talk about this because I would likely be expelled. And how I am right now...reminds me of when I was in elementary school. And mom was the librarian...God that was Hell.
I just don't want to be here anymore...
~Delancey
Please note that I don't use this account anymore. My account is now: backafterthebridge if you need me. Stay safe!
have so had enough of this crappy life. yet again managed to hurt and upset one of the most important and special persons in my life. why do i do it all the time? im so useless and stupid.
Yeah...feeling like i'm going to do it i suppose. My son died, my wife is angry, and i had to cut my damn toe off lol.
Oh well. I at least had an entertaining chat with some people here, though i felt a bit stupid after explaining how and why i had to cut my toe off, and "twinkle toes" is floating around as a possible nickname haha.
Either way i feel much worse now. Hope everyone's day will go on and go better, as some times there may be a reason to continue. I'm just really tired at this point.
Last edited by Mrs Sam : 18-01-2011 at 10:24 AM.
Reason: edit
my husband and nephew leave at 3.30 pm ...i'll be alone with the pills perfect time to go and OD
My husband almost saw me make this post shit
i need to do it
It's a thief in the night to come and grab you
It can creep up inside you and consume you
A disease of the mind it can control you
It's too close for comfort
Location: In a glass vial in the pocket of a beautiful mind.
I am currently:
I'm in a dangerous headspace right now and no one knows it.
rhap·so·dy - an ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm. ♫
"Sacrifice is the most you can love someone." ♥
“Love was at best an excuse for stupidity, at worst a destructive, dangerous emotion that drove men to acts of annihilation which defied logic. It was a twisted, insidious sentiment used to justify everything from spoiling a child to destroying entire civilizations.”
~Hugs to all~
Please try to stay safe guys. Get help if you need to. Tell someone, anyone. Just tell someone.
On to the hypocritical bit:
I have stopped making plans for the future past mid next week.
I have started to think absolutely everything is pointless because I won't need___ whatever it might be.
People keep making plans for next year, I nod and smile, what more can I do? I won't be there to enjoy them with them.
How did I reach this point? Who knows. How will I get out of this place? Who knows. Do I want to get out of this place? Only I really know.
Hugs to all. Stay safe. xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Location: In a glass vial in the pocket of a beautiful mind.
I am currently:
-hugs- darkpelt, you're just as important as the rest of us.
rhap·so·dy - an ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm. ♫
"Sacrifice is the most you can love someone." ♥
“Love was at best an excuse for stupidity, at worst a destructive, dangerous emotion that drove men to acts of annihilation which defied logic. It was a twisted, insidious sentiment used to justify everything from spoiling a child to destroying entire civilizations.”
Darkpelt: People will be more than happy to give you support- I for one am- But I can only do that if I know your struggling.
Lots of people on here care for you and I'm sure people elsewhere do to. I dont know if there are 'popular' people on here or not- but it doesnt mean that people wont support you.
Hugs Tight xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
~Hugs to all~
Please try to stay safe guys. Get help if you need to. Tell someone, anyone. Just tell someone.
On to the hypocritical bit:
I have stopped making plans for the future past mid next week.
I have started to think absolutely everything is pointless because I won't need___ whatever it might be.
People keep making plans for next year, I nod and smile, what more can I do? I won't be there to enjoy them with them.
How did I reach this point? Who knows. How will I get out of this place? Who knows. Do I want to get out of this place? Only I really know.
Hugs to all. Stay safe. xx
yes you do your a fighter, youve got to keep fighting baby, just got too please.x
babysas: distraction techniques, and keeping busy, and other than that A&E if you need to. Or a helpline?
ShadowedSoul, uglyduckling and cowgirl2418 and on edge Please be careful and stay safe. What's making you suicidal today? Do you think you could go to A&E if you need to? Please stay safe; there are so many people who care about you, including us. Be careful.
Looking4Hope: Do you think you could try telling your psych that you're finding him unhelpful, and that he's underestimating your issues?
Artistic: I really hope that you're safe, and you didn't use the gun. Please stay safe, for us and your wife. She's already lost your baby, don't let her lose something else.
Disturbia: Hoping you're safe too and you don't OD.
Rhapsody: Can you tell anybody?
Getting by and Darkspelt: Please be careful. Darkspelt, people do care. I care. Everybody on here gets support equally.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Location: In a glass vial in the pocket of a beautiful mind.
I am currently:
No one needs to know. I've thought about everyone else for so long I can't keep hearing 'what about ...' What about me for once ? No one needs to know.
rhap·so·dy - an ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm. ♫
"Sacrifice is the most you can love someone." ♥
“Love was at best an excuse for stupidity, at worst a destructive, dangerous emotion that drove men to acts of annihilation which defied logic. It was a twisted, insidious sentiment used to justify everything from spoiling a child to destroying entire civilizations.”
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
