im sorry *possibly triggering*

amixlovesxcheryl · 13-01-2011, 04:46 PM

Im sorry for posting here, if im honest i havent been on RYL for a long time, im not sure how long, it feels like forever. I just dont know what to do anymore, im loosing myself. I cut last night, pretty bad, i needed stitches, everyone was so disappointed, i dont blame them, im a failure. Sorry, but the thing is, last year i was sectioned, not once, not twice, but four times, i spent the majority of the year in the hospital because im such a fuck up, and the thing is i dont mean to be. i dont know what to do with myself any more. i really want to od, nobodys home, and i have enough tablets, im just so scared, i dont want to end up in hospital again, im not strong enough to make it, i just dont want to be here. i cant seem to calm my head, i keep having these visions that are really disturbing me, im so lost, im so sorry. i wish someone would just tell me what the hell im supposed to do, but they wont, everybodys given up on me, nobody cares, maybe id be better off in hospital, im not safe out here, i just dont know, iv got my blades, i might cut, i need the release but if i do i'll go too deep, i know i will. im so scared

mikey · 13-01-2011, 04:52 PM

What would OD'ing achieve?
Is there anybody you can call?
When you went to A&E for your stitches, did they arrange any follow-up care?
If you're feeling really unsafe I'd recommend you go to A&E and tell them. It sounds like you're struggling a lot and could do with the support.
Please try not to hurt yourself again, it won't help your situation at all. But you are not a failure. You're having a difficult time and that's very human.
Take care and please try to tell somebody how you're feeling.

Rawrz · 13-01-2011, 06:00 PM

When I feel that way sometimes its a good idea just to leave the house for a while. Go to a movie or something, with a friend if one's available but its not necessary. Even just going for a walk can help. Just getting away from the tablets and such might help alleviate some of the urges.Though equally as often I just lie in bed praying it will pass.

Also, I feel the need to stress that no matter how many times you were in the hospital that does not make you a fuck up. You're trying to get better, and even if you aren't better yet the attempt at improvement makes you solidly not a fuck up.