Help me help someone? What to say?

[DoveInGrey]

Don't know if anyone remembers me (Hello to those who do!) but I'm an old ryl-er looking for help helping someone else.

I have a friend online (not on RYL I might add, I know her from another non ED related forum)whom I'm really worried about as are a lot of us, problem is none of us know what to say to help her, we've offered plenty virtual hugs, told her we're here to listen if she needs to vent, some local ladies have offered to go and visit her... but with no experience of anorexia we're not sure what's best to say...I've been typing stuff to post then deleting it, another lady has said she's been doing the same.

She's saying she's having cravings for cakes and salt, but she's scared to eat because she'll end up purging if she does... that she's fat and hates her body - although she's dangerously underweight and has been warned by her doctors that she might die of heart failure anytime.

She has been sectioned before and part of me hopes she'll get sectioned again because I don't want her to die from this. :(

I've told her not to listen to the part of her telling her she's fat because that's the ana talking, but instead to listen to her body telling her it's hungry, to try to eat even if just a little and keep it down... I don't know what else to say and feel so bloody useless. What- if anything- can I say to help her?

[All I know is falling.]

First off, I'd like to say sorry it's taken so long to reply.

It can be really hard to help somebody with an eating disorder, because often, you can't change their mind about how they see themselves. You're a great friend for wanting to help though, and honestly, I'd just keep doing what you've been doing her. Keep trying to encourage her to eat, and reminding her that food will not hurt her, it'll only help her to live. Also, maybe it'd help if she knew some more about how the body uses food, etc. And that it takes an excess of 3,000 calories to gain weight. So, eating a little bit won't hurt her at all. Just try and stick with the rational, logical side of things to show her the eating disordered thoughts are wrong. And remember, take care of yourself as well!

[Buttercup.]

You are such a good friend. Having loving, supporting friends is always important for a struggling friend. Just remember, an ED is a complex illness and you are not responsible for "curing" her.

The best you can do is encourage her to seek help, maybe even recommend RYL to her, as there are many of us on here who she could relate to. And I like Shauna's idea of sticking with the logical things. Although you may not be able to convince her that her ED thoughts are wrong, you will be giving her the opportunity to challenge those thoughts.

I hope the best for your friend. And I also hope that you are taking good care of yourself too. Remember, you come first <3

Jess x