What can the counsellor even do?Another session & Update
Sorry for yet another post but I'm feeling so hopeless about it..
So I had been b/p'ing every day for months but now it seems as though I've gone back to restriction, it's all or nothing.. I haven't eaten in xxhours and don't plan to until I physically have to, yet my body is screaming for food already, I'm weak, tired & my head is pounding, even when I gave it some food yesterday it was only because my parents were there and even then I chose the lowest cal thing I could find..
I am making myself go for exercise later too & have scales ordered as I can't cope with my weight anymore..
It was this time last year that I lost tonnes of weight & was threatened with inpatient but I'm at university now & it's so hard, i'm lying to my parents..
I have just started seeing the counsellor here & today is my first "proper" session, but I honestly don't think she can help, all she'll want to do is "talking therapy" and that never works for me, particularly when I'm so set on losing weight. I don't even feel like I have anything to recover from right now as I feel so gross!!
I was home the weekend & eating there made me feel disgusting, I told mum I wanted to be back at home, now she's worrying about me but I weighed out the options and going home would be worse. I'd be lonely, all my friends are at uni, my parents at work and out from 8-7, I'd have to go back to where I used to work which made me depressed & etc..
The only thing good about back at home is the EDservices, but then everyone's so proud..
No dropping out is definitely not an option..
What do I do??
Sorry for the ramble!
Just feel so disgusting & fat.
To be honest I don't know, I mean I don't really know if she understands EDs all that much to be honest or if she can help with it when I don't feel that ready :/
So I went along, tbh I don't know if she's gonna help, we spent quite a long time talking about irrelevant things
I told her i had stopped binging&purging and was restricting instead, she then said well it's better to "control" my eating than to b/p but then when I told her what I had eaten the past 2 days she seemed quite shocked at how little it was so I don't know.. She asked me to introduce breakfast but I point blank refused & I just allowed myself to eat something small after quite a long time not eating & feel bad but now extremely hungry..grr
Got my scales today too & not as heavy as I thought but definitely need to lose, technically "underweight" but feel gross..
It is a problem with university counsellors, they aren't specifically trained to help in eating disorders. Could you work on reducing some of the stress of uni that will, most likely, be contributing towards driving your eating disorder?
I noticed you were struggling with work recently, maybe see if she can help plan your time or give you strategies to help you focus on work. However I'm sure you know it's hard when you haven't eaten.
Although you don't want to eat breakfast could you try something like fruit juice or a smoothie so you're taking something in?
Sorry if this is unhelpful, feel free to PM me though.
It is a problem with university counsellors, they aren't specifically trained to help in eating disorders. Could you work on reducing some of the stress of uni that will, most likely, be contributing towards driving your eating disorder?
I noticed you were struggling with work recently, maybe see if she can help plan your time or give you strategies to help you focus on work. However I'm sure you know it's hard when you haven't eaten.
Although you don't want to eat breakfast could you try something like fruit juice or a smoothie so you're taking something in?
Sorry if this is unhelpful, feel free to PM me though.
I don't know what's making me so stressed and driving it if I'm honest, that's the problem.
She said she can give me a support letter if I need it, but I need to prove that I can cope with the work, it's only gonna get harder after all right?
I really can't do breakfast, I never used to even before the ED anyway ..
It is helpful thankyou <3
Just right now I hate myself so much, weighed myself lost the tiniest bit that doesn't even count & been restricting so much too & exercising and i'm just wondering is it even worth it?? It's not making me happy but at the same time I'm not happy when eating either, it makes me miserable, in a lose lose situation.
I just want to lose..
It is worth it. I promise. You have a better life ahead of you. Things might be hard right now, but if you keep fighting, you will get through this I promise.
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
I know the depression is making it worse, looking at if I can get referred to a psychiatrist possibly, and then have this too or see ED services but alot of the time I'm in denial, feel too fat to have an ED y'know
Kate sweetie what's happened? Why are you angry? I'm sorry I didn't see this thread before, I haven't been in the ED board for a long while so didn't see any of your threads.
I think you need to discuss with somebody - somebody who knows about your ED, like the counselor - your options. You can hardly carry on with Uni if you still have bad eating habits - it wrecks your energy & you find it hard to concentrate on anything else. I know you don't want to drop out, and if you are still feeling like that perhaps you should try to push for a referral to the ED team there?
Edit: Also you are not 'too fat'. People of any size can have an ED. Take me, for example. I'm overweight & professionals helped me through mine. They believed me =D
xx
Last edited by PrincessVegeta_x : 17-11-2010 at 10:03 PM.
"How can I be a gynecologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye!"
♥
Kate sweetie what's happened? Why are you angry? I'm sorry I didn't see this thread before, I haven't been in the ED board for a long while so didn't see any of your threads.
I think you need to discuss with somebody - somebody who knows about your ED, like the counselor - your options. You can hardly carry on with Uni if you still have bad eating habits - it wrecks your energy & you find it hard to concentrate on anything else. I know you don't want to drop out, and if you are still feeling like that perhaps you should try to push for a referral to the ED team there?
Edit: Also you are not 'too fat'. People of any size can have an ED. Take me, for example. I'm overweight & professionals helped me through mine. They believed me =D
xx
Thank you for the reply <3 Basically, I found out my mum and best mate had been talking about me behind my back & about my weight & everything. The thing that angered me is not only that it's behind my back but it's also that my best friend knew how much it angered me when my boyf did it before with my mum & she understood why & told me nobody should talk behind my back - and this is like the 3rd time now. I just wish people would leave me alone ...
Yeah finding it hard to concentrate, always tired, dizzy, hungry & weak.. She doesn't seem to do much at the moment, she just wants to work on self - esteem and I don't see how that's gonna stop any of this. I might try and ask for a referral but I'd feel rude..eh I don't know.
Yeah I understand about anyone can have an ED at any weight, but still they only seeemed to care so much last time when I was emaciated, they just let me keep on losing & then just decided to threaten IP before. It just feels like they sort of half-try to help until you're on death's door & only then is it serious..hmmph I don't know..
Saw her again today, I don't know if she fully gets it to be honest.
She says it's good i'm not purging as much but doesn't really understand that I replaced it with restriction..
Anyway, she has asked me to keep a food diary *MAJOR PANIC* that is going to make me much worse so I don't know if I will do it,, I may do..may not but I know it will make me worse.
She even suggested exercise (which I should be doing apparantly 3 times a week, um ok) for my moods or something..
Also she wants me to go see the on campus doctor about getting anti depressants which I'm unsure about, I am major depressed lately and know that I can't keep being this down, so eh,, I'm just a bit worried about their effects. I had prozac/fluoxetine before but didn't benefit much..
I really just don't see the point..
She also wants me to add in lunch every other day as I don't do that at the moment, which I said I'd do :/
But the b/p urges are coming again stronger and I slipped up with SI again so i'm a bit unclear where I am right now and I also haven't told her I've started on laxatives again,
Kate!
Lets work through your appointment,
from where i am standing it sounds pretty positive although you have found some of the things shes asking of you hard, which is understandable.. make sure you express that you think what she is asking is hard but you are willing to try.
With the food diary, atleast try it.. ive tried it a couple of times & sometimes it helps & you could find out your trigger times/days/moods & work off of that, maybe come up with a structured meal plan to get around it?.
With the anti depresants.. thats good,, they can help.
& with the exercise i wouldnt sugest you do any until your food is better managed.
Iknow how you feel about them not getting that youve just swapped from bps to restriction.. my therapist doesnt seem to get that either.. but i think their point of view is that vommiting is alot more harmful to everypart of your body.
Please stick with it, stay calm & always say how you are feeling.
If you can bring up the SH & Laxs Next Session.
Im Proud of you for going so far.
Keep it up sweetie, i know you can beat this.. i believe in you.. believe in yourself angel xo
Lovess x
Saw her again today, I don't know if she fully gets it to be honest.
She says it's good i'm not purging as much but doesn't really understand that I replaced it with restriction..
Hun, I'm in a totally similar place, but with cutting and ODing. I've been cutting less, ODing more. And my therapist did something similar. Told me that it was good that I have been cutting less. It kind of upset me, because I expecting her to get on my case about the ODing. I asked her about it and she said, that she wants me to recognize my accomplishments. Even though I still am doing other self harm behaviors, she wants me to recognize that I should be praised for all accomplishments. And that I should be proud of myself for cutting down on one self destructive behavior.
Basically, I think it's kind of expected to replace behaviors with different ones. And they aren't always positive. But that is what you will work on. Finding ways to start positive behaviors. And recognize that you are doing a good thing. Like, cutting back on purging...that is a good thing that you should be proud of. Sure, you are restricting, but that doesn't take away from the accomplishment of cutting back purging. That is what my therapist has been talking with me about a lot.
And your therapist does seem to recognize that you are restricting. Her asking you to try to eat lunch every other day is working towards diminishing this behavior. She realizes that it is a struggle, and that it won't happen overnight. That is why she is taking it in small steps for you.
About the food diary. I've never kept up with one before, so I don't have any advice. But I do recognize that it is going to be really tough. Do your best sweetie. Fight hard, girl. Baby steps. You will get there.
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
Kate!
Lets work through your appointment,
from where i am standing it sounds pretty positive although you have found some of the things shes asking of you hard, which is understandable.. make sure you express that you think what she is asking is hard but you are willing to try.
With the food diary, atleast try it.. ive tried it a couple of times & sometimes it helps & you could find out your trigger times/days/moods & work off of that, maybe come up with a structured meal plan to get around it?.
With the anti depresants.. thats good,, they can help.
& with the exercise i wouldnt sugest you do any until your food is better managed.
Iknow how you feel about them not getting that youve just swapped from bps to restriction.. my therapist doesnt seem to get that either.. but i think their point of view is that vommiting is alot more harmful to everypart of your body.
Please stick with it, stay calm & always say how you are feeling.
If you can bring up the SH & Laxs Next Session.
Im Proud of you for going so far.
Keep it up sweetie, i know you can beat this.. i believe in you.. believe in yourself angel xo
Lovess x
Thank you for your reply darling.
The thing is I had a food diary before, it made me more aware of what I was eating, made me panic, I felt like I had to have the tinieist amount in there I could & my psych just used to have a go at me for it afterwards.
I told her about the SH a couple of sessions back and then she asked me the next time but hasn't since & to be honest it makes me feel really uneasy when she wants to talk about it..
I am going to seriously consider AD's and maybe see the Dr before xmas, but it's just plucking up the courage to go is all,I mean once I get the initial part out of the way of telling him how I am then it's okay. He's literally next door to the counsellor & she just said to tell him about my "low" moods & how I'm not sleeping , and I might say she recommended I came.
Yeah she told me purging is more damaging..
I'm with my boyf this weekend & it's weird I can eat pretty normally with him, I mean I did purge a few times I was with him before but he can sometimes calm me down, or I can go get a lunch with him and make myself more determined to eat better but I always fall when I come back..
Thankyou darling, I believe in you too <3
Love youuu xxx
Quote:
Originally Posted by x.silence
Hun, I'm in a totally similar place, but with cutting and ODing. I've been cutting less, ODing more. And my therapist did something similar. Told me that it was good that I have been cutting less. It kind of upset me, because I expecting her to get on my case about the ODing. I asked her about it and she said, that she wants me to recognize my accomplishments. Even though I still am doing other self harm behaviors, she wants me to recognize that I should be praised for all accomplishments. And that I should be proud of myself for cutting down on one self destructive behavior.
Basically, I think it's kind of expected to replace behaviors with different ones. And they aren't always positive. But that is what you will work on. Finding ways to start positive behaviors. And recognize that you are doing a good thing. Like, cutting back on purging...that is a good thing that you should be proud of. Sure, you are restricting, but that doesn't take away from the accomplishment of cutting back purging. That is what my therapist has been talking with me about a lot.
And your therapist does seem to recognize that you are restricting. Her asking you to try to eat lunch every other day is working towards diminishing this behavior. She realizes that it is a struggle, and that it won't happen overnight. That is why she is taking it in small steps for you.
About the food diary. I've never kept up with one before, so I don't have any advice. But I do recognize that it is going to be really tough. Do your best sweetie. Fight hard, girl. Baby steps. You will get there.
Yeah I think I kinda get it, but at the same time it makes me think well I should start b/p'ing again as it's not so bad what I'm doing now, if that makes sense?
For now , I don't think I can get over this, I don't know, just all the bad/negative thoughts are holding me back
I don't think I'm gonna do the food diary, and maybe tell her why I don't want to??
I'm so triggered to binge&purge right now as I haven't in a while :/
Yeah the food diary done the same with me so i do understand but after it i got a meal plan which was alot more helpful so there is no harm in trying?.
I think saying your councelor suggested you speak to him is a good idea, or could she not write a little something for you to take with you?
Im glad your able to stay abit safe with your bf babes, thats really positive.
love you
x
Hun, it IS bad what you are doing now. Restricting is dangerous too. It's just that some therapists use something called unconditional positive regard. They want you to recognize your accomplishments, instead of focusing on the failures.
Sure, it's definitely not good that you are restricting, that is why she is working with you in baby steps to eat more (trying lunch every other day).
But the fact that you were able to cut down purging is good. This is not focusing on the negative, but the positive. This does not mean that it is okay you are restricting. Restricting is very serious like purging.
Yeah hun, if you aren't ready to do the food diary, talk to your therapist about it.
It seems like you are expecting your therapist to be discouraging you. It is not her job to tell you that what you are doing is bad. You already know the dangers of what you are doing. Her job is to help you find ways to get through it. To help you change in a positive way. Have faith hun. You can do this.
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
The thing with the food diary is, is if I'm in quite a good mood I'm pretty good with eating more and not purging & I feel that if I eat more normally on good days it doesn't look like I have a problem. For example, I'm extremely hungry right now but I told her I don't ever do breakfast so it's kind of contradictory :/
I understand now with the whole praise thing, I guess it wouldn't help much just dwelling on the failures..
I did tell the therapist that I find it hard to talk to doctors about this, she said I could wait and see if the therapy helps first but that ends in 4 sessions and I know how long anti depressants take to work so might think about going next week to get them..
Yeah kinda looking forward obviously to seeing him but also not feeling too bad and eating more normally whilst with him. :)
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