Not quite sure what happened. I was in this good place in my mind, and have been for a while, more or less. And then I feel bad, and cutting myself was the first thing I turned to. For absolutely no reason. It wasnt even that strong an urge, just...a little bit...and I basically just ran to it without even tryna resist. Has this happened to anyone? Has anyone slipped up not because it was too much to resist, but because you just didnt even try to resist it even though you usually do? I dont know, I just feel incredibly guilty and kinda...hopeless, to be honest. How can I trust myself and trust all the progress I make, knowing that I find it so easy to give up without even trying, wenever I feel bad? I no longer have any idea how to deal with urges or what I'm supposed to do. I really dont know.
Just to say that I've done this before. I've managed to beat some really, really strong urges (urges that I still don't know how I've managed to resist), but found myself giving in to the smallest urge. Don't worry about it too much and don't beat yourself up about it. Even though it was only a small urge, it's still only one slip-up. I know you're probably feeling dreadful now, but what happened does not mean you can't beat it.
Remember that it is all part of the recovery process and you can still do this. Try to think of it as you're more prepared for it next time you get a small urge, so can counteract it almost. Have you made a lst of all your reasons not to SI? That can be really useful. Read it every time that you get an urge and if it's only a small urge that alone may be enough to hekpl you resist.
Remember that you can do this. Look after yourself *hugs*
Yes, I have. I think that's a very common thing with self injury. Those horrible urges suck so much energy into you that they're hard to ignore and therefore you give more of an effort to get rid of them. But a little urge isn't as much of a fight so you sort of go through with it.
You shouldn't feel guilty. When I was in recovery I felt awfully guilty after a relapse but you know, you got to start somewhere. You can't have any expectations. You just got to thank yourself for what you have done and continue trying.
I also can understand your concern with getting out of control, but urges happen, relapses happen. You seem to have a good awareness on how strong the urge was and why you gave in. Recovery takes practice. Don't beat yourself up. They say relapse is recovery. Just try not to dwel on what you did wrong, and congratulate on your consistency. :)
yeah, i have before.... try and remember that its just a slip up, and while those aren't good by any means, they aren't the end of the world. maybe it would help to try and wait for a bit between getting the thought and deciding whether or not you want to resist that time.... like say that you have to wait for ten minutes, and then you can start to actually resist. i don't know if this makes sense really? it does in my head
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I've done this many times before + regretted it because I just ended up cutting on a whim + not because I felt there was any real reason or because I was particularly triggered. It's almost like, every time I feel bad, cutting always comes to the forefront of my mind + I just do it because I think it'll help..
Perhaps you did this because there was a reason but you just haven't noticed yet? Try think back to before you it + remember what you were thinking / doing + see if there could've been even just the tiniest trigger. The slightest things can set you off..
Pointless post but I just wanted to let you know that you're not the first who's done it..
There was no real trigger. I was feeling bad, but I feel bad a lotta the time, and I just handle it. And this time I didnt even think to resist it, I just kinda jumped straight to this. Guess I'm just scared that it means I'm not progressing as much as I thought I was. But thnx for your replies, everyone; kinda helps not feel so...alone. In some weird way. But yeah, it all really helped, so thnx a lot to all of you, I appreciate it.
It doesn't mean that you're not progressing as much as you hoped. It just means you had a little slip-up, so what you need to do now is pick yourself up and start again (i know, i know, it's a lot easier said than done, but it's what you have to do). And just because you didn't try to resist this one time, doesn't mean that you won't in the future.
Hope you're okay and sorry for the pointless post. Look after yourself
There doesn't need to be a reason, if you're feeling bad then you're feeling bad. Sorry you cut but don't give up on recovery, you can still beat urges.
Lyddie, stop apologising, your posts are helpful!
Please try to not beat yourself up about it. You slipped up, but slip ups are part of recovery. As for why you cut, there doesn't need to be a reason. If you are upset, that's okay. You can't help the way you feel.
I hope you're doing okay! I'll be thinking of you!
