Would like a hug? Not coping.

[LittleMonster] · 26-10-2010, 04:34 PM

For some background,, Been at uni a few weeks, my ED has gotten alot worse, B/P'ing every day most times more than once & really depressed, hating nights out, and finding it hard to study or motivate myself.

Anyway, I emailed counselling service asking what help I could get but I kept saying I couldn't explain my problems face-to-face, so the emails were going nowhere.

I was in my college office just checking mail & such, and then next thing I know, the accommodation & student service lady came and asked to see me, I've met her before and she's so nice. I was bricking it by this point, and we went up to an office.
She sat down with me and said they were very concerned about me & didn't know what I wanted to do. They said they don't want me feeling how I am at uni (they don't know my issues), she tried to ask what was going on but I couldn't say.. She urged me to make an appointment with the counsellors & offered to use their phone but I said I would go email the counsellors after.. She didn't seem to believe me, but I have.
She was really nice & said if I need anything they're there for me.

Now I will be getting an appointment, so scared. How do I voice what I want to say, I tried to then and couldn't.
I know I need help but I just don't know how to get it..

26-10-2010, 04:42 PM

Which uni you at?

If its in england you can be assured that they cannot boot you out and send you home no matter what you tell them. They will see you as a student but more towards an adult so will respect your decisions on what to do and not do.

Be honest with them in that if you cannot give them all the information you want to I suggest give them the main things that you feel are affecting your everydya life (in other words I Say food issues as depression related and SI whilst still important may not pose to be such a iminent issues reguarding your health and wellbeing)

There is always the option of an email to say the issues you want to talk about prior to the appointment.

Just go in there and accept that nothing will happen after one sessino. You will probably feel **** and have to see them again before they assess what support to give you.

So long as you can handle that it will all be ok.

hang in there xx

random.swirls · 26-10-2010, 05:57 PM

If you can't talk about it could you write down what you want to say? I really struggle with talking about problems when they occur but I have found writing it down and that provides a starting point for the conversation and that is so much easier.

I also think that once you've said it out loud once the next time is easier and so it goes on till it's second nature - if you have privacy in your room could you say it in there a few times?

It sounds like your uni are really supportive so take them up on what they offer you

xox

[LittleMonster] · 26-10-2010, 06:29 PM

Thanks all of you, it's just a bit of a shock.
Just got back in and they've emailed back offering an appointment and tbh i'm really scared..
I'm in a university in England yes, they did say they want me to not be struggling with issues here & they are confidential and will support me, so they seemed more helpful than I inititally thought.

I was thinking of writing it down, or printing it off from somewhere & giving it them, I've never been alone before to an initial appt so it's gonna be hard :/

Any ideas on how to explain it?
xx

tiptoes · 26-10-2010, 07:03 PM

Hello,

I know it can be incredibly scary. When I started uni, I relapsed badly. I was doing a science course and ended up collapsing in a lab session following this I was called into see my supervisor and got prohibited from lab sessions for health and safety reasons. This was four years ago now, I graduated in the summer with a very good degree and I am mostly symptom free from my eating disorder. University for me was a great opportunity for personal growth and it can be for you too.

Wish you the best of luck
Much love x

realflifefaerie · 26-10-2010, 09:03 PM

Maybe try a 'brain storm' with things which are causing you to stress and use that as a starting point?

You aren't losing anything by going along and seeing what they can do to help. It sounds like they could improve uni for you.

slipping up again · 26-10-2010, 09:42 PM

It must be very difficult being on your own and having to deal with all of this. But, they only want to help and support you. Try to keep that in mind. Going to counselling can be hard initially. You dont have to tell them everything at your first appointment.

Yes, it's important to try to be honest so that they can help you but it takes time to gain trust and to open up to someone. If you cant tell them all thats going on for you could you say that you have different issues and you're worried about talking about them? I always find that saying something like that and then talking about my fears can really help me to open up. Be gentle with yourself and take it at your own pace.

random.swirls · 27-10-2010, 02:30 AM

What's causing you the most stress and work it down from there

it doesn't need to be all encompassing but if it covers the most salient points your in the right track

good luck

Xox

[LittleMonster] · 27-10-2010, 09:47 AM

Again thanks all of you :)
I know they wanna support & help me. I haven't got anything to lose by going so I have confirmed my appointment & it's next Tuesday (eek!)

I am going to write down what's going on, I asked the counsellors if I could just write/email what I want to say so yeah just waiting for that reply.

I have an assignment due in Monday and finding it real hard to get it done, but gonna have to push myself I suppose.

Rainbow-Angel · 27-10-2010, 10:33 AM

Hopefully your counsellors should be okay with that... a lot of people feel uncomfortable saying things straight out in person (I am one of them!) I have at various points kept jounals and sent them to counsellors, and also poems and things, cos its often a bit more succinct than writing everything from scratch, but they can act as really good conversation starters too!

I hope it goes okay, Tuesday will come around before you know it, even if it does feel like a long time.

xxxxx

[LittleMonster] · 27-10-2010, 10:37 AM

I hope it's okay for me to give them a letter
I feel like a fraud right now as I look really huge & just kept breakfast & snacks down and I have lunch to go to which also will be kept down, and I just don't feel ill or worthy right now..

Edit: I ended up purging some :(

muzzii · 27-10-2010, 11:37 AM

I think that writing a letter sounds like a really good idea, the first time I went to my last counselor I wrote down everything that I wanted to say and she read through it. I think that that was definitely a much easier way to do things as I don't think I would've been able to say half the things I wrote down and it got everything out in the open with her.
Good luck, I'm sure it will work out fine. /Hugs. <3<3

[Pixie] · 27-10-2010, 06:37 PM

Hey babe,
ive spoken to you already abou this & if your uni are concerned then its a big deal because think of how many people they deal with each day.
your not a fraud.
please make the most of the appointment.
write things down, if not a letter then why not write comments/feeling on yoru phone & read it over before you see them, so its fresh in your mind, i do thats sometimes.
love you x

[LittleMonster] · 27-10-2010, 07:07 PM

Thank you
I think i'm gonna write a letter explaining it all and let them read it.
I've explained that I can't face to face to them.
When the lady asked me what issues/what was going on for me, I just said i'd rather not talk about it as I couldn't bring myself to say, but I know I must make the most of this opportunity.
I just feel like a fraud because today's been good ed wise :/
love you
xx

Sleepless123 · 27-10-2010, 07:20 PM

You arent a fraud.Hugs [if wanted].Just because today has been good ED wise doesnt mean that you didnt have to work hard to achieve that or that you dont have a serious problem.You deserve and need help with this.

Please do write things down or print things off if you would find it easier and they should understand this and how hard it is to talk.im sure they would appreciate you writing and know it was still hard and a big deal.

i know it is scary and difficult but please be as open and honest as possible with them so that they can help you in the best and most appropriate ways possible.

A big well done for all the steps you have made.i know even contacting the counsellors understandably was a big thing for you so the fact that your now considering an appointment and trying to find the best ways to make use of the help is absolutely fab!

So well done and please keep talking.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Will be thinking of you.

xx

[LittleMonster] · 27-10-2010, 07:59 PM

Thank you for your reply, and for the hugs :)

I am very triggered right now. Trying to do my assignment due in very soon but I cannot concentrate & I just feel fat, gross and as though I need to b/p to calm down and concentrate. Is that even rational?
I think I feel like I need to be really ill to see the counsellors?

I will write things down and take it, maybe just a letter form and hope that they can understand it?

xx

muzzii · 27-10-2010, 11:17 PM

Sweetie, just because you've been having a 'good day' doesn't mean that you are a fraud and that you're not ill. If your university are worried about you then obviously that means that there is something wrong, they wouldn't confront you like this if it was nothing. I can understand the feeling of wanting to B/P just to calm down, I guess for a lot of people with EDs it's not totally irrational but anyone looking in from the out side would think we're crazy. (if that makes sense?) Please don't though, if you can help it. <3
Also, like I said before, I think that writing a letter is the best way to go, they'll most likely ask you some questions about what you've written but you don't have to share anything you don't want to and it should be a good starting off point.

[LittleMonster] · 28-10-2010, 12:06 AM

Thank you :)

I did end up doing so, mainly because my friend invited me for some dessert and as I was already triggered, the binge/purge followed.
I have kept a log of the past 4 days of the amount of "sessions" of purging I've done just to see how bad it's gotten, and to be honest i'm quite shocked, I didn't think it was just that bad and I can tell physically I am suffering from it.
I don't think telling them the amount would help would it? Should I carry on with the log in case they want an idea?
What should I outline in the letter?

By the way I am proud that I managed to do my essay :)

muzzii · 28-10-2010, 05:32 PM

Okay, personally I think that it would be a good idea for you to continue with the log, you don't even have to show it to them if you don't want to, but even if it's giving you an idea of how bad things are getting then that's something.
Good things to include in the letter could be; What's going on, maybe give give them an idea of how often you're B/Ping, and maybe how long it's been going on for. You don't have to give a number but if you don't then they'll probably ask. Also just how you're feeling about it, if you can put it into words..
Also, well done for finishing your essay. :)

[LittleMonster] · 28-10-2010, 07:08 PM

Thank you :)

I have been keeping the log, so far today isn't so bad but still there's time :/
I have wrote the letter & the counsellor is aware that I will have the letter with me.
Ah i'm so worried, what if they don't understand or just ..i dunno what they'll think. *sigh*