There was this report on TV erlier tonight. It was about burn-out syndrome and depression.
Anyway, they showed that one girl whos cutting and they also showed cuts and scars on her arms.
My mom was disgusted and later she asked me if I was doing 'that'.
Naturally I delied it (cause she doesnt know that I cut).
Now Im really triggered and Im hating myself a lot, Im disgusted by myself.
Did anyone feel like that after someone mentioned something like that about SI?
How do you deal with people like that? Its not like I could just ignore my mom or think that she's not worth being my friend. I can't quit being her daughter.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
i think that her reaction was probably because she doesn't understand it. to someone who doesn't know about the feelings and situations behind it, it really doesn't make any sense at all. cause if she doesn't know that its a coping mechanism, and that it actually works in the short term to releive whatever the feeling/non feeling is, then she isn't really going to be able to understand why. also, cause she asked, she may be worried about you, and was somehow trying to make sure that you knew she was disapproving and that she didn't want you to do that (though if thats what she meant, it was a bad way to go about it).
maybe if you want to approach the topic with her, without telling her about your SI, you could say that you knew a friend or something, and this is how he/she feels, etc.
also, if she didn't know about it, it could just sorta be a shocked reaction.... i know that before they knew about my cutting, my mom had once made a statement to the effect that she would rather have me on drugs or pregnant than hurting myself. but when she found out the situation, she took alot of time to learn about it and try and understand it, and it actually ended up being good.
can you distract yourself right now? maybe journal, or write your mom a letter explaining how what she said made you feel? you don't have to send it, just writing it can sometimes help. can you find things that you like about yourself, to sorta block out the disgusted feeling?
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I dont know. I dont think she knows or is concerned about me. It was her tone, she was sarcastic when she asked me. It just really threw me off because I didnt expect it.
It kind of makes it worse that she was sarcastic about it. I hope she doesnt know now, because my face probably looked shocked.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
well you can't avoid your mom or anything, but you don't have to take her words as absolute truth. shes human, she can be completely off base and wrong just like anyone else....
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I haven't had the exact same, but someone I know once went to me
"oh your not one of those self harmers are you?"
after seeing a scratch.
Obviously I said no and passed it off as accidental, but it shook me.
Just because it was so obviously judgemental and he hadn't considered the reasons behind it.
But to be honest I think it does shock a lot of people, just because it seems such an illogical thing to do for the majority of people.
I think if she knew you were doing it she would be more understanding.
My nan had the same reaction as you makedamnsure- she saw some scratches on my arm and said 'oh you're not doing any of that weird stuff are you?' I told her me and my friend played noughts and crosses on my arm.
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
I used to know someone who was going through some stuff, and she ended up cutting herself. It was an isolated event and it wasnt too bad, but my grandmother kept going on about how attention-seeking she was, and how it's sickening how ppl will do things like that to their own body, wen ppl out there are "really injured". I didnt say anything and I didnt really feel bad about it, just because...well, that's my grandmother's attitude to anything. I think it's normal for ppl to react like that about things they dont understand. In general, ppl are judgmental. She's your mother, and if you have quite a good relationship with you, I'm sure she'd be supportive if you ever told her. It's kinda like sexuality. Even ppl who arent homophobic will usually react kinda..weird...at first. But only because they're your parents, and it takes a while. Plus with self-harming, it's more...well, it's a lot to take in, especially wen it's something you dont understand. So I wouldnt take any of it to heart, particularly if it sounded sarcastic. People are always saying things like that. If she doesnt know you're doing it, I'm sure she just wasnt taking it seriously. Which sucks in this situation, but doesnt sound like it's on purpose or anything.
I slept over it and Im more in perspective now I guess..
Im sure my mom doesnt know how it is a coping mechanism but she knows that it is something serious. Im sure that she would support me and try to help me if I ever told her. Im just not ready to tell her, because she is worrying about her husband and my brother and she is already worrying about me because of other stuff.
Thanks for all the replies.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
She obviously knows something is wrong, otherwise she wouldn't ask. It might not have been sarcasm, but maybe more like worry or hurt. For a parent to know their child is doing that to themselves is quite traumatic. They don't know how to react, how to help and may even feel like they have failed somehow.
Before I self-harmed I admit I winced and felt disturbed seeing SI scars. I think it's because people just don't understand why someone would want to do that to themselves, it goes against self-preservation. It's scary. If you sit down with people and calmly explain why people SI they can then gain some insight. It's just such a difficult subject to breach.
