Ok I couldn't quite decide whether this should go in support or general.
I was just wondering when you all think the right time to tell your other half about mental health problems / SI etc? How soon into a relationship?
I'm currently seeing someone and it's getting semi serious, but I'm not quite sure if I want him to know yet. For one thing, now that I'm over 2 years free from SI, I feel quite embarrassed about it all, I know I shouldn't because it's a huge factor in who I am today, but to actually sit and tell someone where the scars came from is my idea of absolute hell.
I've lost several friends over the years after making the mistake in thinking that they wouldn't see me any differently, and I don't want that to happen again.
I told my bf pretty much right away because the scars were obvious on my arm and we gots naked and he saw my legs and stomach. He was okay about it though.
As for the anorexia, I didn't tell him, he asked me. I've told him bits and bobs over the last year but not everything.
Do it in your own time when you feel ready for him to know. If he walks away from you because of MH issues then he is not someone you should be with.
hard to say. I dont think theres a right time to be honest. There are certainly better times than others to choose though. If you are close to getting physically intimate then of course i think its something you must discuss.
I quite like the line "I'm over 2 years free from SI, I feel quite embarrassed about it all". I think thats something thats okay to say if it comes up.
If you feel this is worth a shot then i always believe honesty is the best policy. Honesty is integral to any lasting relationship. You dont want to start a relationship based upon secrets and lies.
Like i say, i dont think theres a right time. use that thing women have. Use your gut feeling. If it feels right then do it.
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
I think I will leave it for a while then, I don't feel right telling him just yet so it probably isn't the right time.
It's taking everything I have to force myself to get close to him to start with, the second I get too close to people I put a wall up, so the odds of me just sitting him down and telling him are quite low, I'm half hoping that when the time comes, he just notices and asks the blunt question.
You're right about honesty ninjapenquin, so I do plan on telling him before it gets too serious.. he deserves to know what he's getting into as much as I deserve to know if he's ok with it.
Failing that I will just have to buy lots of cats :)
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
As you've been free for two years I think you can tell him in your own time though obviously if your getting intimate and you have scars then that may speed up the process!
Good luck
xox
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
I never really told mine to be honest and he's never really asked. He knows now that it something to do with my past and that I'm not really the same person as I was back then now.
But you look mental anyways Sharlie so he would have guessed well before ennit bruv
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
dont forget the boots made from the skins of a thousand leopards!
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
As Matt said, I don't think there is a set right time for every situation. I would wait until you are sure that you trust the person and that they love you for who you are and wouldn't drop you because of something that is in your past and you do not participate in anymore.
I told my wife about it before we were dating. We were very good friends for about 6 years before we started dating and I confided in her about it. She took it pretty well, and was a big part of helping me to quit and stay free from cuts and burns for almost 3 years now.
Good luck, I hope that he takes it well, it will feel like a huge load taken off your shoulders once if he is supportive.
-brian
'in the quiet heart is hidden, sorrow that the eye can't see'
Hmm see the problem is, although I've been free for 2 years, that doesn't necessarily mean that the internal things have gone. It's more that the relief SI brings no longer seems to work for me, my brain still doesn't do its job properly, I just have fewer ways of dealing with it than I once did. So, I not only need to explain that I have permanently damaged myself, but also my little list of conditions. At the moment I'm in a fairly good place, but it's hard to say how long that will last, especially as winter is getting closer.
Saying that, he has been the perfect boyfriend so far so maybe he will take it well. I can hold off telling him for a while because he lives about 150 miles away (we met at Uni and he graduated this year so is back home) so any bedroom activity has been somewhat delayed - which has meant that we have a rare opportunity to get to know each other before anything else happens, which might help in this situation I suppose?
I think I'm probably being way over cautious because the last boyfriend I tried to tell responded with 'so, just how crazy are you, I mean, are you dangerous?'! Needless to say he was promptly kicked of my bed.
Ha sorry this has become a bit stream of consciousness-esque. Oops. If you managed to read through my whining, I salute you :P
I told my girlfriend pretty much a week after we gt together. Because she saw the scars and I was pretty much screwed after that, since I refuse to lie lol. But it worked out fine. If he's been great so far then you should tell him if you're ready. I mean...no time like the present. If he accepts you for who you are, including your past, then it's awesome to do that sooner rather than later. If he doesnt, then at least you'll know. But I wouldnt tell him before you're actually comfortable telling him though, of course. I guess wen you do, just be honest and open and explain it to him as best you can.
My first real relationship I told him pretty much straight away - because it was still a massive issue in my life and I felt that he should know what he was getting himself into. He was fine about it (...later realised why, but that is another story lol).
Subsequent relationships I haven't told them up front. Some have notice and asked - and in those cases I was honest about what they were. Others haven't noticed, and continue to be ignorant to them.
I haven't had a serious relationship since my last one epically ended a year ago. I suppose if I met someone now, I would want to talk to them about it; after a few months of them getting to know me without dealing with the fact I am crazy :p As I realise it is quite a scary and hard thing to understand - even when it has been years since it was really an issue.
So it comes down to how you feel. Gauge the situation and say what feels right. As other have said, if he is really a good guy he will stick around - if not, his loss!!
'in the quiet heart is hidden, sorrow that the eye can't see'
