Thursday night was a bad night. I slipped up and scratched. I feel guilty about it and part of me wants to tell my Mom I slipped up, but another part of me doesn't. Don't get me wrong, my Mom tries to understand and I love her for it, but I am tired of explaining why I SI...sometimes there's nothing to say except I made a mistake.
Thankfully the marks are beginning to fade. I just feel like a screw up for slipping up, like I am a failure. Basically, I am torn as to whether I should say I slipped up or not, because my Mom is stressed, and I feel like telling her about my slip up would just give her one more thing to worry about, and I would feel like a burden.
Then again, she'll probably accidentally see the marks eventually. I am darned if I do and darned if I don't. I just don't know what to do.
We're trying to get me into counseling, but the counselor I want to see(and who I feel gets me) doesn't have any openings at the moment so I am going to wait until she does.
Last edited by Celticroots : 18-10-2010 at 11:47 PM.
Reason: more info
It's good that your mum tries to understand and help you. Not a lot of people have that kind of support and understanding from parents so remember that.
Don't feel like a burden because she is there to help, and even though you're sick of explaining why you do it, just don't explain why if need be.
There are different ways of communicating with your mum.
Maybe you could try writing things down and giving it to your mum to read. And you don't have to give them to her, they can just be your personal thing, like a way of getting things out. Some people find it easier and helpful to write their thoughts and feelings down because then they can see it in black and white and begin to make sense of it all.
I hope you manage to sort things out.
Take care, PM me if you need to talk x
Turn your wounds into wisdom.. ♥ Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing! ♥
It's all right to tell her that you don't always know how to explain it, or just to say flat out that it was a mistake. Not everything always has a neat 1 + 1 = 2 explanation. I'm sure she understands that personally; everyone has moments where they did things that didn't seem to make sense, or for reasons they couldn't quantify to someone else. I know that sounds kind of dismissive, and I promise that's not how I mean it. I'm trying to say you're not a burden to her, even if you don't know or can't explain.
As to what you should tell her, which would you rather: tell her, and deal with it once it's out in the open, or not tell her, and risk being found out? If I were trying to help someone stop self-harming, as she's trying to help you, I'd rather they were honest with me. I think in this situation honesty is easier and better. At least if you're honest with her you don't have to risk her finding out, and her feelings getting hurt (or her trust being called into question) because you didn't say anything.
Everything else aside, keep in mind that recovery isn't easy. Occasional lapses are all part of the experience, because recovery is a process, rather than a goal. Try not to hold it against yourself if you make a mistake now and then. Pay attention to it; if you know what caused you to slip, ask yourself whether you can use that knowledge to make you stronger. There's no shame in lapsing now and then.
it sounds like you have a guilty conscience and are asking us whether or not to absolve yourself to your mum.
if you are going to tell her then do it for the right reasons, not just coz it will help you feel better.
At the same time you are giving yourself a hard time about scratching yourself. we all slip up at times. everyone has at one point or another given in to urges whatever the reason. its all part of stabilising or recovering from self harm, whichever boat you're in.
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
Thanks for all the replies, you guys. Well, I told my Mom and she took it well. Didn't even get angry. All she said was, "You went a long time without doing that. That's good. Just try your best."
