Thanks for the support guys, you dont know how much it helps me <3
Gaah this is getting ridiculous! Just had a cup of tea and feel like purging it, except my bathroom's locked. Normally I can handle liquids though; I dont know what's going on.
Can you talk to one of the staff, tell them what happened and get some hints on how to handle it next time you feel like that? *hugs* I know you feel bad about purging but you can come back from it. It doesn't mean that that is the end of your recovery. You can learn from it and try not to do it again *hugs*
I got some bad news today, sorry but I can't talk about it here.
It just really triggered me off and I had to do something to make it better.... I know it doesnt help in the long term but I just had to get rid of lunch. I dont know maybe its a control thing but I think it was because I was just upset.
Problem is I feel like the floodgates are open now and I feel like I wont be able to close them. I've told the staff so they're going to keep a closer eye on me but I dont know if it will help.
I just need a few days respite from this program, it's so hard.
Sorry will stop whingeing now.
Slip ups are a normal part of the recovery process sweetheart, although we obviously try hard not to give in to using self destructive behaviours when we are aiming for recovery when something has become so deeply ingrained as a coping mechanism it is very hard to give it up, and slip ups are to be expected.
The important thing is what you do with that slip up, you can turn it into something positive, explore it with the staff and get the appropriate help and to remember how badly you have felt about purging the next time you feel triggered.
EDIT: Sorry sweetheart, didn't realise you'd posted again while I was rambling ;-p
I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a difficult experience and that it has affected you so significantly, however the fact that you have managed to identify that being upset has triggered these urges and even managed to discuss it with the staff is fantastic, proud :)
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
It's just really hard because if it was someone else I would tell them the same thing, but when it comes to me I just cant seem to apply it. I think its because I'm worthless and disgusting (I know none of you will agree with me but it's true).
One thing that helps me when I'm feeling very bad about myself and as a result can't see that I deserve to follow the same advice I give to others is to look around at all the other people on RYL who do deserve good things/advice/support/whatever but don't believe that they do. All of those people are wrong about not deserving it, so how can you say you're not? If that makes sense...
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
I'm sorry hun. Wish I could do something to help:( please just try and talk to the staff as much as you can... I know its hard... but I promise if you try then so will I
sorry I dont have any great words right now. but I love you xx
sometimes being strong means not holding back the tears but letting them fall
~˙·٠●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●٠·˙~
my fur baby girls are my life <3
r.i.p my beautiful girl jackie. i will love you always no matter what - 6/5/10
Can you tell any of the staff what the bad news was? I'm so sorry that you had to get the bad news that put a set back in your recovery. But you can start again, it was only once since you've been in there and you've been doing so well. Keep on posting here as much as you want to say and we can and will help you to close those gates and always support you in your recovery.
thanks guys, I have talked to the staff about it and had some meds. And I'm going to talk to my psych about it tomorrow hopefully.
Katy that does make sense, I'll try and remember that it's just really hard
Love you too Loz sweet, hang in there xx
Andrea it was the 3rd time this admission... I feel like such a failure and I'm having a really hard time moving on from this. I dont know how to close the gates again. I'm so disheartened, I feel like a failure and like I should just discharge myself, but I promised my psych I would stay :|
*hugs*
it sounds so tough right now..
i ave no idea what to say coz my head wont let me say much. but im thinking of you greatly. i hope you continue with this strength xx
And thankyou to everyone that's replied to this thread, you guys have really kept me going, I think I would have discharged myself and be back to square one without you. I'm sorry that I keep asking for the same thing and going over and over the same issues.
Haven't had the best day so far, I've really been doubting whether or not I should be here, I feel too fat when everyone else is so skinny, also that I dont feel that "bad," even though I saw my psych a little while ago and he said that I definately am.
My best friend also works here, she hasnt been in during my admission until today; it's been a bit awkward but I had a talk to her and she's convinced me to stay for the whole program, and things that I might need another admission which really scares me.
Gaah I dont even know what I'm trying to say here, I guess maybe I'm just looking for some support or something?
need to purge need to purge need to purge need to purge need to purge need to purge need to purge need to purge need to purge need to purge need to purge need to purge need to purge need to purge need to purge need to purge
but I cant because I have a nurse sitting next to me I can't handle this feeling!!!
I'm sorry I don't have any words right now. I just want you to know that I'm tihnking of you and I'm really glad that nurse is there with you *hugs lots*
