Contains abuse - In moving on from abuse..

..has it ever been helpful to anyone to come to some sort of conclusion about why it happened?

It's been years since I've seen, heard from, heard of, or have had anything to do with my father, but what he did to me is always in my head.
I've always wanted to know why he did it.. he always targeted me and almost never my brother. My twin brother...! And because of that, I can't help but think.. it was something about me.. I'm forever analyzing my inadequacies, what was it about me..!?
( What goes on in my head:
Because I was born second to my brother..? because I was always a bit smaller than my brother..? Because my brother was always smarter than me? etc. )
Even if.. any such conclusions, why he hated me, are no justification at all for beating a kid bloody.. I wonder if it would help, somehow, knowing.. pinpointing a reason and being able to think 'oh, that's why' and move on.

Does this make any sense at all? Is there any possibility that knowing could help? Has it ever helped any of you? Or am I just torturing myself trying to figure it out..

[Stellata]

For myself, I've known a long time.
My father was restricted and criticised and emotionally abused by his mother. He has a grudge against women as a result.
Me and my mother are women.

[Bronze Moth]

for me it's more helpful to accept i'll never know why, though there are times when I feel I need to know and it haunts me somewhat. i just remind myself that there's no answer that will make me feel better about it, that will make what happened alright in some way.

[Snow Leopard]

The trouble is even knowing why wouldn't give you any peace. If it hadn't been you it would have been someone else. I don't know but maybe focussing on this means you don't have to face the impact it has had on you. perhaps rather than trying to understand why you could focus on healing from what happened not easy to look at your wounds but much more positive than trying to find out why. That's just my opinion from my experience anyway.

[sapphire hearts]

I won't ever know why certain people in my life targeted me. And it is natural to want to have a reason, because we think that makes it simpler, makes it easier to move on. I've always searched for a reason. But the people who know aren't talking, I haven't seen them in years, so I can't ask them even if they would tell me. Sometimes we have to accept that, if there was a reason for it to be us and not someone else, we can't know what it is. But, as you said, no reason on earth would justify what happened to you. Nothing you did, no difference between you and your twin. As long as you realise that, reason or no, it was not your fault, I think you will be able to move on from this.

Take care
Katie
xxx

[PaleMoon]

I'm pretty sure I know why my brother targeted me. Because he felt powerless (somehow, I'm not exactly sure what was going on with him at the time), and because I was smaller than him, and younger than him, and not as strong. He had large chunks of time where I was put in his care, and what's more, I looked up to him, respected him, loved him.

In other words, I was a ridiculously easy and convenient way for him to release whatever was going on with him.

The point of that little diatribe was to show that you can know why it happened, coldly analyze exactly what made you so easy a target, and it doesn't help. You are just torturing yourself, and the best thing to do is realize that it's over, you have survived, you aren't there anymore. The best thing to do, the best revenge, is to heal and live a full, wonderful life.

Thankyou to each of you for sharing your stories and insight.. I've thought about it for a bit and I think now that it's true, knowing likely would not make one bit of difference. I've decided.. even though I may always wonder.. I will try to confront it directly, and maybe that will help me finally move on.