Stupid me, I cut for the first time in 2 years *poss trig*
Ok, so the other night for whatever reason I decided to cut. I haven't cut now for like 2 years or so. And although I have sometimes thought of doing so, I never thought I would, and actually never really wanted to.
So why the hell did I do it the other night?! I'm just like, what the **** was all that about?! I'd been out with my mates and had fun, felt quite happy I guess. And yeah, I was a bit drunk, but not that drunk, I knew what I was doing.
I only cut twice that night and I haven't cut since then. Idk, maybe I just kinda missed it? Although how you can miss something that you loathe I will never know!
I'm just feeling really confused, annoyed and stupid. I don't know why this has happened now. A year or so ago I really thought that I would slip up (everything that could go wrong did, big-style) but I didn't. And yet, this year, things have been kinda ok, so why do I want to cut again?!
I mean, do you have to drag this crap around with you like a ball and chain for the rest of you're life or what?! I just don't get it!
maybe soemthing trigered you that you didnt even consciously notice. i dnt think SI ever leaves us, even if we arent activly doing it, its a form of coping we used and little things can set it of. maybe thats what happend.
try not to get to annoyed at it, slip ups happen we all do it. but its doen now you cant go back and change it. sorry that soundso pathetic.
Theres a little truth behing every just kidding,
A little curiosity behind every just wondering,
A little knowledge behind every i dont know.
And a little emotion behind every i dont care.
you know you should really be proud of yourself that you only did it that once. I had quit for 2 1/2 years and then i slipped up once and i couldnot stay stopped, in fact I became worse then i had ever been and now I have gone 2 months because i am pregnant and feel like i am in sheer hell i dont know how i ever did it before. be proud of yourself because you realize it could get worse and have stopped again. we all have slip ups and you know what i dont think the problem ever completely goes away i think we are always just one tragedy away from cutting.
Hey
Slip ups happen, its the ability to start new again, and never give up that makes you strong and recover :)
Drinking is a depressant and can make you feel worse and perhaps alter your judgement so if you are feeling downa nd triggered stay off the drink?
Also, 2 years is great, maybe this time you can go even longer before a slip-up. See it as a challange, a positive thing, rather than feeling guilty about it.
take care x
I don't think it ever really goes away. It is the same as eating disorders. You might recover but that little voice is always there, somewhere, even if you don't hear it for a while, telling you not to eat or to binge and purge. But everyone messes up and does things they don't really want to. That's temptation. Everyone does it sometime. Just try to keep going. Two years is really good!! And I'm sure you could make it again! *Hugs* You'll be ok. :)
Two years is a very long time. Perhaps you wanted to see what it would be like after such a long time? Kinda like going back to an old friend? Anyway, this isn't making much sense, but don't dwell on it.
Thanks guys. I'm just feeling a little scared incase I start again, I've been feeling a little bit crappy recently which isn't helping I guess. But hopefully it's just a slip-up.
first of all, well done for your 2 years! :D
it "feels good" (don't missunderstand me, I don't know how to put this...) that your feeling like you're doing, after your cut. COURSE, that means you regret it, that you don't want to do it again, and you don't want to start again.
slip-ups happens, it's not funny, it's not your fault, but it happens. the best you can do (as I see it) is to look back and try to figure out why you cut. when you know why (or if you can't understand why), try to move on, and focus on life, whats makes you happy and not cutting again...
take care. and good luck with another 2 years! (and more and more and more...)
