Im sorry everyone. I know i've not been around. I just can't keep up in here. Every time i try to post there is 3 or more pages since the last one... and i Just can't keep up my responses. Bad wardmate i know.
My head is spinning and struggling. i'm exhausted all the time. I keep taking naps which i really don't have time for... and now i have another class to go to. I just want a break from everything.
*hugs everyone*
<3
forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past - buddy wakefield
*hugs Laura* hope you're alright :( I've felt like that before when I had fatigue, it passed but took a lot of rest to stop it. I couldn't do anything with it at all. Hope its not that though *get better soon hugs*
I do not think that I'll be up much longer , I'm feeling down on myself and I have an appointment at 10.30am tomorrow so I HAVE to be up at a reasonable time , Have coffee , Bananna , check the ward and my e-mails and shoot out the door on time hopefully .
I can't be depressed whilst asleep (I hope)
When I half wake in the mornings I think I'm still living with my parents at their house , I've lived at my flat for almost 10 months , it's the weirdest feeling realising I'm here not there :S
I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones
It's okay , they know me here .
Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)
''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"
Jill, please let us know how you are feeling, we care.
Laura, have you spoken to your doctor?
Sarah, how are you?
Mark, I can really relate to how you are feeling. I love to sleep because there are no bad feelings then.
Reaper, you often say that you are unsafe but are strong enough to get through those difficult times. I know that you can do it again.
I just phoned the voluntary crisis team because I am feeling really low and triggered but they were no help. They are made up of support workers whose daytime job it is to take people shopping etc. How are they supposed to help emotionally? I don't know how to get in touch with the CMHT crisis team which has just been newly set up.
I just want to die.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
I think I got most of you =/ If I didn't, please feel free to throw pillows at me :)
Argh. My leg kept bouncing up and down today during our welcome-back meeting. Probably because so many people there, mostly first years that I didn't know. But still, I'm in second year, and had a bunch of my friends there... so I shouldn't have been so damn nervous. Maybe should have taken my 2 Q pills like I'm prescribed... but they don't allow me to focus on anything >< Arghhhh. Sorry, I keep ranting about the same stuff over and over. It's frustrating. I'll go ramble on my r/v and save you all the trouble of listening to me whine again :)
*hugs ward & steals some tea (if there's any left)*
If someone ever says to you "You need to stop thinking so much," call them ignorant in your head and keep thinking deeper. It is this mentality that breeds stupidity and sheeple. Your mind is the most important tool you have. If you stop using it, it will atrophy.
Urf. Sorry I've not been in much today, went to my parents' and didn't spend a ton of time on the computer there, so yeah. *cuddles all* There were 3.5 pages since I last posted so sorry, no individuals YET AGAIN... >_< Ugh. I know that there shouldn't be such a thing as a "bad wardie" but I feel like one... lol. Heh.
Had a few stupid o'clock moments whilst driving today... not me, other drivers. One passed me going up a VERY steep hill - double-yellow lines (no passing) and near the crest so s/he couldn't see if anyone was coming. Talk about a dumbass!!! And then another was going around 65-70mph on a 45mph road... idiot. That one also passed me without slowing down, around a curve, with oncoming cars (two lane road), double-yellow line again. UGH UGH UGH. Sometimes I hate the idiotic drivers around here. And I don't even live near a big city!!!! >_<
Anyway. Those were the highlights of my day other than having a lovely date with Jarrod - peppermint mochas and a loooong talk about a lot of different stuff. :) So that was pleasant.
*cuddles all wardies*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Sorry for the lack of individual replies, I'm just not keeping up at the moment.
The psychologist I saw yesterday wants me to talk to my psychiatrist about my suicide plans. She listed me as high suicide risk. When I mentioned it to my housemate this morning he said that she couldn't ignore it and that I had to do it. I'm not going to though. It's not important. *sigh* I should have kept my mouth shut.
I just don't know ...
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
Hayley-Rose is my sister and hon ; I love you !! No matter who you get your electricity from. I really love you and I'll kill anyone that makes you ill/upset.
*hugs April* I'm glad you and Jarrod had a lovely date :) And I share your hatred of idiotic drivers... they only serve to fuel my anger issues.
*hugs Kahlia* If you have highly detailed suicide plans and a date to carry it all out... it's important. Hell, just the idea of wanting to commit suicide is important. I really think you should talk to your psychiatrist as recommended... but it's ultimately your decision. Just know that you're a wonderful person and TONS of people love you and would miss you. Can you share with us what exactly is causing these thoughts/feelings? *extra squishy hugs*
*waves to MJ* Hi :)
End note of Taz: I LOVE HUGH LAURIEEEEE
<3333
:D Sorry, I just couldn't contain my enjoyment. Watching House truly seems to be cheering me up.
If someone ever says to you "You need to stop thinking so much," call them ignorant in your head and keep thinking deeper. It is this mentality that breeds stupidity and sheeple. Your mind is the most important tool you have. If you stop using it, it will atrophy.
Erm sorry guys feeling very triggered right now. Got really dark and twisted thoughts running through my head. Can't get them to shut up there screaming in my head. And I really want to act on them.
Just to reply to Jill and Taz on this page , Sorry It's early and I'm anxious about my Cyber cafe "sahift" this aftenoon and I have Becky the befriendly lady this morning , hence why I'm up so early.
*Hugs Taz* I've never watched House I hope you're okay this morning / night our time , you're probably sleeping :)
*Hugs Jill*Could you try and drown out the thoughts with loud music? Please tryt not to act on them , you can fight them , you can .
I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones
It's okay , they know me here .
Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)
''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"
