too tired to try

[isabella1411]

i hate everything around me, i hate my house i hate my face i hate being alive.



my mom canceled my sessions with my psyc.


im trying to stay alive and i fear iim failing.

i wanna die.

[Stellata]

There's so much pain and anger inside of you. Things feel so helpless.

What's going on with your mum that she cut off your support?

[Black_Star]

i know how your feeling girl but be strong i know you can do it i have faith in you *hugs* how come your mum cut off your support?

[isabella1411]

she said that im still cutting so obviously its not helping.... :'(
she doesnt understand that its the only reson im not dead yet. :((((

[Stellata]

I think it might help to have a meeting with you, your mum and your psych. How do you feel about something like that?
How was your therapy helping you?

[isabella1411]

alot. but my mom doesnt wanna pay for anything if there isnt IMEDIATE results.

[Stellata]

Hmm. That way of thinking. My mum used to be like that with me when I started using some natural remedies a looooong time ago now, when I was much your age, so I understand to some degree.

Can you explain here [kind of like practicing] how it was helping you?

[isabella1411]

before i went to my psyc i used to try to not selfharm during the day but when i woke up i would find that i had carved things into my arms as i slept... it used to terrify me...

but when i got help those would lessen drematicly... but sense my mom canceled my psyc time...they started again. :'(

[Stellata]

Have you told her that? I understand it's a frightening thing perhaps to explain to someone close to you..

[isabella1411]

we arent close.

i tried she said, "then wake up before u try to cut ur arm off"

[Stellata]

It doesn't sound like she's capable right now of seeing things deeply, and sensitively like you are. Her thinking style is very concrete, as it were. Not sure if that makes sense!

[isabella1411]

it makes perfect sense, thats how she has always been.