I tired so hard to fight making a thread in here because everytime i do it just gets looked over and forgotten.
But i cant do it anymore.
I cant not purge.
I cant be normal.
I cant make people see how desperate i am.
Because im not ill enough, i know that, everyone else knows that.
Ive made so many cries for help, ive tried to hard, but nothing ever comes of it.
I dont even know if i want to get better.
I just want someone to notice that im not okay.
Im nowhere near okay.
I'm not really sure how much help I'll be, but I do realize you're struggling. And I also believe that even though you feel like you can't be normal, or can't go without purging, I think you can. You are ill enough, any type of purging makes you ill enough. Just because you can't get help, doesn't mean you're not ill. So many ill people get overlooked. It's no indication of not being ill enough..it's just that the system is very flawed. Please keep fighting, I know you can make it through this. Please. You've already done so good by posting for support here, keep talking if it's helping. I'm listening. I know this probably wasn't too much help..but I'm sending you all the good thoughts I can, and sending *giant hugs*
I'm sorry that you feel your threads have been passed over here in the past, that can be a really horrible feeling.
To be purging at all is without a doubt ill enough as it can cause so much physical damage and I would say is a fair indicator of intense emotional pain. Unfortunately however in society and the medical community there is often still a prejudice that if it isn't anorexia it isn't a real problem. This is entirely incorrect and hopefully over time these views are slowly changing but unfortunately people with eating disorders other than anorexia are suffering in the meantime.
With regards to the purging, what is it you feel it does for you? As in is it to get the food out (for some people it's the experience), is it because you get a certain thought or feeling after/while doing it, etc etc.
When I'm struggling with ED stuff I often find making two lists, pros of not purging and cons of purging e.g:
Pros of not purging:
I'm less dizzy.
Less dehydrated.
My coordination is better.
People worry less about me.
My body has time to heal itself
Etc etc...
Cons of purging:
Potential stomach rips
Sore throat
Teeth damage
Stomach aches and pains
Heart problems
Etc etc.
Sometimes even though we know these things full well it helps to get it clear in your head to have it written down to look at.
I hope things improve for you because I know how horrible and lonely it can be trying to deal with this and feeling like no one gives a damn when you are suffering so much.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
Bee, have you spoken to a doctor about the purging? I am sorry to hear you're feeling this desperate, I really really am. Do any professionals know you're going through this? A sure fire way to get someone to notice is to speak up and make them. Reach out for support be, you are worthy. These behaviours are not normal; you need support.
Now that im not n such a state, i can properly type...not just ramble.
I have waited for about a month now for my psych appointment, and its on wednesday but normally Nat comes with me and shes at home ages away from me now so i have to go on my own.
So im not too sure if im going to be able to say much, i will try nd bring it up because it is the thing thats giving me the hardest time at the moment.
Write it all down, its so much easier when you first meet someone to give them a peice of paper and then discuss. I find Im kindof stunned and clam up when I first meet someone so it helps to have stuff written to make a decent starting point and convey all the things you wanted to,
I also suggest write it down, it's what I did when I saw my psychiatrsit and it was really helpful cause I didn't really have the courage to speak, but seeing it there prompted me. Good luck for your appointment; please, start working on a list now of things to discuss it is so so worth it. And begin the session with them if you can.
hugs chick
writing down is probably the best way if ur feeling un easy
do u know what you want to get out of seeing a psych what help u actually want becase that might help you if you feeling scared.
I agree with the idea of writing down.Write down how you're feeling,what your thoughts are.So that your psych can help you with how you're feeling now.I understand that you feel like you need to purge.I dont have the solution to make that urge go away because i'm struggeling with the same thing.But i do think its important to talk about how you feel.Because there are people that care about you!And we do see that you're not okay right now.You can PM me if you want to talk or anything!!
Stay strong *many hugs*
You have no need to be sorry for posting looking for help. Did you write it out yet? that has helped me before too. I can really relate to no one seeming to notice how bad things are but I hope theyll listen to you this time, you deserve help. x
Buzz buzz, I just want to say I love you missus, and I hope you're appointment goes well, and that you get some form of help from the whole thing. *squidgesquidge* Always here if you want a chat, afterall, I have no life. <3
Well that appointment was cancelled.
Or was never happeneing? Or something.
Apparently that doctor has gone off sick again(hes been off sick since a few days after my first appointment..a few months ago.
They Called Nat and she demanded that i get an appointment with someone as i've booked the day off work and everything.
Anyway so ive got one at 9.30am instead, with the same doctor that last time looked at me and said "are you actually ill?"...im shitting myself.
Ever more than i was before, because this guy doesnt even think there is anything wrong with me.
Everything jsut gets that little bit worse.
Awesome.
Hey bee,
I just wanted to say that ive read your threads and i care. Im sorry i dont have anything useful to say at the moment but my pm box is always open if you need anything xxx
Through the dark, a strand of light, the light continued to get bright, with it came the strength to fight (Gem)
I tried writing a list, i dont even know where to start.
I dont want to go anymore, he's just going to laugh at me and ask again if im actually ill or not.
Im seriously thinking of not going.
There isn't any point.
Please go, Bee. You need and deserve help, and I know you want it too. Don't let some idiot ruin it for you..if he says something like that again, try and see another doctor. And keep trying if that doesn't work. Not everybody is an asshole like that guy.
As for the list; why don't you just try and write down what a day is like for you. Like, your thoughts/feelings towards food, how many times you purge..etc. That way they have some basic information to work with to get you the help you need.
