I was a pretty active member of this site about a year and a half ago, but I stopped using it once my mother confronted me and put me into treatment.
I'm back now :) And while it's still a struggle, I've made so much progress towards recovery. I went to three different hospitals, one inpatient and two outpatient, and went through several doctors, psychiatrists, and medications before I found a program that worked for me. Now I regularly have weight checks and blood drawn at an outpatient program that I actually like. I also see a nutritionist, and now that I'm at a healthy weight that both my doctor and I agree on maintaining, we have a mealplan that, so far, seems to be working well.
I'm not going to pretend that everything's peachy and fine, because I don't have to on here. I still have my bad days, I still have days where I don't want to eat, that I spend a bit too long in the mirror tugging at my thighs or stomach. But the good outweighs the bad by far. I find that as long as I'm actually eating healthy, not binging, and not restricting, I feel ok with putting food in my mouth-and keeping it down, too.
When I was first confronted with the mealplan, I was so completely terrified. For me, eating=gaining weight, and gaining weight is somehow blown completely out of proportion to the most dreadful, scary, evil thing there is. Or, at least, that's how it used to be. I was so surprised when I started the mealplan and my weight stayed the same. I never thought of eating as a natural, necessary way to keep your body doing what it's doing until I actually tried it. Every time I'm weighed and there's no gain, I'm so confused because I ATE, so that has to be bad! But, so far, it hasn't been.
I came back to this site because I want to stay on track. No more relapses for this one, thanks
And I also want to be here to support anyone going through any of the many stages of recovery. I'm here to listen and sympathize and give advice to anyone who needs it <3
Glad to be back
-Ami
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