I'm crazy and i need to straighten it out

[Katherinelynn]

I cant tell you exactly what is wrong with me,,, i have a server fear of phychiatrist and all that
ive have really bad experiences with them

well with classes starting
and my brother being homefrom iraq/germany for the first time in nearly two years
im not coping well

i hear voices and see things none stop right now
i havent yet been smelling or tasting,but those usually happen together on different swing
there scary people
they want me to die
im afraid. and i dont know what i am suppost to do

its really hard for me to discuse this with anyone because ive kinda withdrawn myself from most of reality, because this fiction has overcome me, i dont know how im going to be able to listen in class when i hear people whispering mean nasty things at me

i feel the most alone right now when im surrounded by people
noone talks to me
noone smiles at me
so then i am alone
and then the voices come

does anyone have any advise, i really need to stop this,, but i cant afford any medicine or anything of the sorts. please help.

[Stellata]

You're under a lot of stress. That can cause all those symptoms.
You're not crazy. And labelling yourself as such doesn't help anyone.

[Katherinelynn]

ive had all of these symtoms for 8 years
my dad has bipolar and all these symtoms
all my regular doctor could do was put me on anti depressants and anxiety meds, anti depressents made life worse
so i stopped seeing all doctors

and quiet honestly under the definition of crazy that i am, in multipul uses of the term,, im not offended by being crazy
i just need this stuff to stop
because im not sure i can handle it on my own

[Stellata]

Well, it seems like loneliness and separation is a core cause of these symptoms. When else have they peaked for you?
Also, how was your dad with you, growing up?
Many times we learn ways of behaving from mentally unwell parents and it becomes hard to separate what is them and what is us after a while.

'Crazy' isn't a medical term, and can be used as a derogatory or abusive term. It can make others feel a bit twitchy if they have been so verbally abused with that and similar words. Just something to be aware of.
The important thing is to look at what you're experiencing, and perhaps why.

Speaking to a school counsellor might be a helpful way through for you. Going it alone can magnify things and you lose yourself in it.

[Katherinelynn]

there really isnt much or a pattern, it comes and goes frequently sometimes they last for months

my dad and i had almost no relationship up until a few years ago
my parents divorsed when i was 3, and due to abuse at my moms house i never much went to him trying to protect my mom and all

about 2 years ago i started mentioning things to my dad, i started going there regularly and we became a lot closer then weve ever been
and he never said anything then one day i mentioned voices to him,, about how in highschool i went to the counclers after a s.i. incident involving the voices and they brushed me off

thats when he told me of his condition and the symptoms

everyone i told when i was younger laughed at me, so i stopped talking to people because noone understood, or believed what i was hearing
my mom told me i was acting out for attention and she wasnt bringing me to any doctor because im a "hypocondriact" psh

not trying to give my life story though im focousing more on the now, and how i can handle these symptoms without hurting myself
im scared

[Stellata]

I believe that understanding where we have been can help us to understand what we are going through now.