Confused if SI

elainexe · 27-08-2010, 05:57 PM

(Mature Warning? I don't go into great detail or anything, but the concept might make people uncomfortable, and I'd rather be on the safe side)
Only recently did I realize I have a real problem with what I'm doing, so I've been trying to look up a lot of information. I find what I have been doing might be self-injury, but it seems as part of the definition, the primary purpose of what you are doing is injury. And that is what I'm unsure about.
I have been masturbating. Obviously under normal circumstances the purpose of that is far from hurting yourself. I have tried it in ways that it doesn't, but I realized that the only ways I stuck with are ones which have caused a lot of bleeding.
I am an asexual: I don't feel physical attraction to any gender and I don't really care about sex. I'm pretty sure about this, unless this somehow a remnant of puberty is hitting me at TWENTY-TWO. I don't think I'm a masochist. I don't know why I'm doing it. Injury is one possible conclusion. The only other possibility I have come across is sex addiction, which doesn't sound exactly right. I don't know.
I don't enjoy what I'm doing at all. I feel the need to do it, and hate that feeling. I hate during it. I feel bad about myself afterwards at what I just did, and recently sick at seeing all the blood(more than there used to be). I've been worried about just how much injury I've been causing. I can't exactly see it directly(I'm a girl. I suppose any guy doing the same thing might have an easier time assessing damage).
I've been trying to look up information on my specific case, but it seems to be quite rare. What I have found has been those who do this as a form of self-injury tend to as a result of sexual abuse at some point in their lives, but for me that is not the case.
I've read about self-injury and the reasons people do it. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to. I might be trying to relieve negative emotions, I'm not sure.
I want to talk to someone. I'm afraid of being judged by my friends; one already did. Well...sorta. I told her I'd been doing things to cause harm to myself, but when I told her what I was actually doing, she stopped taking it as a very serious issue ("Dude, I thought you were slitting your wrists or something. I'm so relieved").
Does anyone know anything about any of this? Is it self-injury?

PassedExpectations · 27-08-2010, 06:53 PM

i would say it is, i'm not sure you'll find a definate answer.... either way, if you're feeling compelled to do it, but are not enjoying it, the distractions and stuff that you use to stop SI would probably be helpful?

sometimesbecky · 27-08-2010, 07:32 PM

I would say that that is self injury, in that the physical damage isn't being caused by accident (even though you don't want to do it.)

I'm not sure what to say that might help, except that if you want to talk to someone without being judged, have you considered calling Samaritans or a similiar organisation? You can even send them an email if you feel more comfortable doing that.

It might be a good first step, as I understand it can be very daunting to try and sit down with someone face to face and discuss these things.

sherlock holmes · 27-08-2010, 09:25 PM

There's a difference between self harm and self injury. Self harm is basically harming yourself. Everyone does it by drinking alcohol and smoking and having too much caffiene.

Self injury is the deliberate act of hurting yourself.

I'm unsure if you are self injuring, because it seems like the injury is not the result of you wanting to hurt yourself, more as a side effect of what you are doing.

If it's not intentional then I dont think it's self injury.

But if it's bothering you, see your doctor about it perhaps.