a few days ago i caught my sister reading my diary- i came into the house and heard her rushing out of my bedroom, when i walked up the stairs she was crying and telling me how sorry she was, i didnt know what she meant until she told me she'd read my diary.
my immediate reaction was that of anger HOW DARE SHE? yet i found myself comforting her! i still dont know how to feel about it, i'm so angry i feel violated! as dumb as it sounds my diary was the only thing i could trust, the only thing i was 100% honest with, it contains everything that i feel, and things that have happend to me.
i dont know what to do about it, my sister has read some really destressing stuff, from descriptions of my sh to the in's and outs of my mind and past, something happend to me earlier this year which i didnt even face until i wrote it in my diary a month or so ago. now she knows everything! i dont think its fair for her to have to cope with what she's read on her own, but i dont want my mum to know, i dont want to talk about it and i honestly dont want their help. i hate her for reading my diary, i hate the fact i know she's judging me, i hate the fact she thinks she understands, i HATE the fact that she feels sorry for me!
i dont know what to do, the anxiety of this whole thing is giving me the worst cravings, whenever i think about her knowing me better than i know myself i get this rush of panic and all my thoughts jumble up together, all i can think about is cutting, i dont feel that i can write in my diary anymore, i dont trust it. so now theres no way for me to express my feelings!
i dont quite know why i've written this thread, its not exactly something that i can be advised about.......i guess i just needed to rant a bit.
I Can Not Move My Feet
For I Fear The Steps Ahead
My Hands Have Lost Their Touch
All Feelings There Are Dead.
I don't have much advice for you, but I do know how you feel. My mom read my journal a few weeks ago, and I felt pretty much like you described (with the additional also of her forcing me to get help, since she's my mom rather than my sister). I wrote one more entry in my journal after that, but I haven't touched it since. I haven't tried it yet, but I think that getting a new journal to write in might help with that part. And I can tell you that the part about feeling violated and upset about her knowing and all of that does get better as you get used to the idea.
Emily
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(O.o )
(> < ) This Is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world domination.
i know how horrible that feels. my mum did a similair thing to me when i was in hospital. but she stopped because she couldnt read anymore which was a good thing i think.
i hated her for it i went mad. i couldnt belive shed do a thing like that. and yes my diary was my private place where like you i wrote everything in there.
i carried on writing in my diary i just started a new one, and i hardly let it out of my sight. its soemthing i have to do i need to get whats going on in my head out soemhow, whitout n e thing happening, or n e one judging me and thats the only way i feel i can. so yeah i agree maybe getting a new one may help a little bit. its not going 2 solve the fact that your mum read it, but if she realises how upset you are its not likely that she'll do it again. and she may try talkin2 you about what she read but if you dotn wanna talk2 her about it u need 2 tell her that. it will be hard for her to hear because yeah shes your mum. but i told my mum i didnt want her help. i know its not alwasy a good thing but she knew then.
sorry thats a load of rambling not really in a making sense sort of mood xx
Theres a little truth behing every just kidding,
A little curiosity behind every just wondering,
A little knowledge behind every i dont know.
And a little emotion behind every i dont care.
In loving memory of Alison.... I'll never know what it was like to be her. But i know what it's like to wanna die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try and kill the the thing on the inside" Girl Interrupted
I remember the time my dad read my diary. He knew everything. Everything I felt, heard, saw and hated. Loved, liked and valued and then he went to the pub got drunk and yelled all my secrets to everyone. I walked into the pub for work and the entire place went quiet, everyone was looking at me and I knew what had happened. I quit my job and didn't leave the house for three weeks.
Talk to your sister about it if she's old enough to understand. Reassure her that writing in a diary is one way you can cope with your feelings and tell her that it is REALLY important that she doesn't tell anyone. That's all the advice I can give.
THat, Is indeed, Just put of order. I understand you completely about how you trust your diary.Because you know It can't tell anybody. because IT has no lips, So It Cannot Speak. JUst knowing that somebody has read it, Crushes you. Talk to her about it. Tell her none of this is her fault [[ even if it is ]] just to keep her happy. <3
"So many people treat you like you're a kid so you might as well act like one and throw your television out of the hotel window.” ~ Gerard Way
I'm really sorry she read your diary, I can understand how you feel *hugs*
I think Whispering_Voices idea is good, you could also tell her (if you feel comfortable enough with it) that she can come to you and talk to you about it if she has any questions, instead of going to your mum instead.
You could use an online journal (there's one you can use on RYL, you can set it to private) to write down your thoughts as only you will have the password to acess it so it might make it feel safer to write in.
thanks guys, im still tryin to get my head around how to deal with the whole situation. i've had no internet for over a month, i dont think i realised how important ryl is to me, and how much talking to people that understand helps!
THANKS! big hugs all round
xxxx
Last edited by jinxfallenstar : 30-08-2007 at 03:11 PM.
Reason: it looked boring!
I Can Not Move My Feet
For I Fear The Steps Ahead
My Hands Have Lost Their Touch
All Feelings There Are Dead.
Personally, I'd get a new journal. Something cheap and simple so you can in a sense start over. Also, make yourself open to being asked questions by your little sister. Perhaps she'll be able to come up with other ways of approaching things? Different minds think of different things.
