I totally understand the cutting-instead-of-crying thing. Which one is more harmful though? Crying is a positive thing even, because its letting things out healthily, instead of doing harm to yourself. Give it a go next time! You might even feel better.
You have options m'dear. You're probably going through a lot of hormone crap at the moment, and there'll probably be even more once the bean is born! Why don't you see if there's a counsellor at your college (or speak to someone at student services), or speak to your doc about seeing someone next time you're there. There's no harm in it, its just talking, but the extra support and help sounds just what you need :)
For some, counting the days without SI works. For others, it just puts more pressure on them. I'm one of those pressure people. I prefer to just write down my last cut date in the back of a book or something, and leave it there. If you have any reminders of your last cut, it does put a lot of pressure on you, there's just no point in counting the days if it does that to you. Its a lot easier to look forward than look back.
You can do this hun, have faith in yourself. We're all here for you, don't feel like you have to suffer on your own.
xo
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