I must have been around 12 years old when i read a book about a girl who cut herself. I think that's how i got the idea. I didn't start to cut until i was 14 though. I was feeling really down and it just made sense to cut myself to see if it would make me feel better. It did, and i've been cutting ever since.
Well......I was abused as a child [I won't go into detail because on some level I still live in denial of the incident/s]. I used to bite myself and hit myself even when I was 4-5 [years old]. My mum used to buy me things and she told me she'd give them to me if I stopped......then at 12 I began to cut.....I'm recovering, baby steps but I'll get there, or I hope to. -Smiles-
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The first time I did any sort of self-harming behaviour was when I was 9 and I tried to kill myself by repeatedly punching myself in the migraine. It didn't work, and no doubt I got a migraine.
When I was 10 I tried to slit my wrists by using some blunt scissors.
Both of these incidents took place in a primary school classroom and I didn't realise what kind of behaviour it was because I was too young.
The cutting became a habit when I was 14. I'm now 17.
When I was in year 9 I heard of it, as my friend cut with keys and another "friend" used to brag about doing it on her ankle and stuff, and on her thumb. I quickly decided to discard her.
That is what I remember, I think there's a chance that I may have done other behaviours but I'm not sure. I also think it was in year 10 when I first cut, or it was in year 9. I can't remember.
I first started when I was 9 if you consider banging my head off walls. But actually cutting was 12. I had a saftey pin in my pants and it scratched my leg. Of course it happened when I was upset like it was destined to happen. But I continued. I didn't know what it was till a character off a tv show I watched did it. After I knew what it was, I looked up photos and planned dark thingss.
I'd started like.. picking at the skin around my fingernails and the skin on my lips when I was 7 or so.. then when I was about 10 or 11, I got this weird.. thing I do where I pick at my scalp.. I have a lot of scabs and it's just absolutely disgusting :( I mean.. you can't see it AT ALL, which is why it's convenient, but you can feel it... I do it so often now I can't even tell when im bleeding until I actually see it. >_<
I started cutting when i was in the 7th grade.. mostly because I was trying to get blood so I could stay home from school that day (my parents had no idea what I was really doing).. and i started cutting more in the 9th/10th grade. When I cut, though, I cut a lot. Tons of them, but they usually aren't too deep, but some are. Bleh.
The first time I discovered SI.. hmm.. Well it was when I heard fingernail biting was a form of it. I was worried about it since I (again) pick at my fingernails.. but I was really young then and had unknowingly been SI that entire time (the scalp/skin picking). I realized in the 6th grade I tend to do it when I get nervous or uncomfortable. I still skin pick, too; now, just out of habit. Don't ever try it, it's just awful.
i think i started in....9th grade i believe. it was wierd cause i was with my best friend and we were both facinated by how the skin changes a different colour when we ran our finger nails across it. at the time my parents were going through a divorce, and when they fought, it might as well have been a screaming brawl at each other. but when i scratched my finger nail along the same spot on my arm until the skin was raw, the screaming stopped, and i would be so distracted by just how much pain could i handle.
feel free to delete this if it makes you too uncomfortable
I honestly never have thought about this... but I guess I started self harming around 16-17. I would bang my wrist/hand/harm when I was stressed or anxious or panicking. I went many, many years without being diagnosed with panic disorder and depression because I never told my mom about it. So when I would go through a panic attack, I'd be so scared. And banging my arm, or punching my arm, distracted me from it and "relieved" stress.
I did not start cutting till I was 17-18. I am now 19 (turning 20 in a few days).
I *think* it was when I was about 13/14. I just felt bad and then next thing I was hurting myself with scissors. I've never done much else, I started with cutting and it's always my 'main' thing. (I say think because that's what I vaguely remember but who knows before that.)
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❤
I used to scratch myself, bite myself, hit myself, prod/poke myself with sharp things. I didnt start cutting til 2008 I think. I started scratching with mucky glass that I found in the street (god knows how I didnt get an infection) & went from that to blades & stuff.
I was quite young when I first started self harming.
But I didnt understand or discover the true concept until I was about 12. My friends mum cut herself a lot and was bi-polar and obviously I heard about it from my friend cos she was having to help her mum with bleeding and packing infected wounds cos she wasnt able to have them stitched due to having a high staph count and MRSA.
I was probably 12 when I first started but I didn't know why or what I was doing. In school a few of us would repeatedly scratch our skin to make a mark. I did it, but not sure why.
When I was 17 I started cutting. I was angry with myself. I stopped for a while.
19 it was back.
Last 2 years of my degree it was back with a bang. My confidence was low and I felt I had to cut. It was a way of coping with stress.
I'm now 28 and the past 3 years it is something I have struggled with. I'm not sure why. Or maybe I don't want to know why because I'm scared of giving it up which is silly because I know I should.
For as long as I could remember, I would chew my nails but, I wouldn't just chew the fingernail...I'd bite off the skin around the nail. I'd chew on my fingers and skin so much that I would make myself bleed. It would hurt so bad but, I couldn't stop doing it. I would do it when I was bored, sad, scared, or angry. Then in the 7th grade I heard my best friend at the time talking to someone else about her having cuts all down her arm because she cut herself. I knew is was something bad but, I had no idea what exactly it was. Then in 8th grade, my best friend(a different girl) told me that she had been cutting herself. I started asking questions like why and how often and what it felt like and she told me that she only did it when she was upset or angry. She told me that it made her feel better and it was like a release of all that energy and frustration she had inside her. I couldn't get it out of my head. So a few days afterwards I had gotten upset because my dad was drunk again. I thought back to my friend cutting herself and I decided I would try it to see if it worked for me. I grabbed a safety pin and pushed it down into the inside of my left anckle. It didn't draw blood but it broke the skin enough for me to feel something. I was instantly hooked. It was like a rush I had never felt before. I was 14 when I started and I'm 19 now. In october I'll be 20 and will have ben cutting for 6 years...it's incredibale how strong the hold of SI has on someone...
I heard about it when I was 13, just entering high school. There was a lot of media attention around how much of an issue it was becoming. I was pretty fascinated by the whole idea. I researched it a lot, watched triggering movies, read books about it.
When I was 14 I tried it for the first time and really discovered how addictive it could really be. 6 years later, here I am.
I was in year 7 when i first Discovered what self harm was. My ex-Friend had cuts all over both of her arms and i didnt know that she was self Harming as i didnt know anything about it until she talked to me about it all and thats when i first found out about it then a few months later one of my closest friends had done it aswel and still doing it and that was when i started considering it so in year 8 was when i did because my mum was going through depresstion my parents where going to get a divorce and 2 of my relitives got cancer and one died. But i didnt do it for a bit after i did it. Then a feew months later i found out another one of my friends where doing it and that was when i started cutting again and im still doing it now.
Last edited by Constantcycle : 18-08-2010 at 11:29 AM.
Reason: Missed out abit
