Severely Triggering (ED) - A hug? Maybe.

[Cryptic.]

Sorry im just shocked and scared.
She said shes discharged herself until Sunday to think over it.
thats something at least... i guess.
i just . dont understand.

[Alone and Scared]

Helen; reconsider. It's hard and it's rubbish but it's possible. Fighting against it means you have a hope of a future, a life. This isn't how you want to live right now, this doesn't make you happy - you can tell from your posts you are living in a hell that you don't want to be living in. Only you can decide what to do Helen; but don't lose this opportunity, don't waste this chance. Remember why you fought so hard to get it, remember why you fought so hard to get the funding. Recovery is possible, there is more to life than an Eating Disorder, there is more to you. xx

[All I know is falling.]

You fought so hard to get this Helen, please don't throw away this chance. You're going to die if you don't try and fight this. I don't mean that in a mean way, but it's the truth. I don't want you to die. I really don't. And nobody else here does. You can overcome this, I know you can. It's hard right now and it sucks, I know, but it won't always be this bad if you keep fighting. If you give up fighting, it will always be this bad. You can change this, I know you can. You need to keep fighting, don't up a chance that you probably won't ever get again. A chance to recover. A chance at a real life.

I love you. Please reconsider this.

[FragileWings]

Helen, obviously it's your choice if you want to recover from an eating disorder.

You have to think about the consequences of discharging yourself, because they are less likely to fund you again, if you ust keep discharging yourself. Doesn't help anyone, because they have tried in helping you, but you're shoving it back in their face, pretty much.

So if you want to recover in the future, and they refuse funding, you can't whinge.

Sorry for being harsh... but that's the reality, but I hope you make a reasonable decision in what you want.

[The One Who]

This seems like such a sad waste of effort. Think of how hard you had to fight for the funding, and in the future you may not get any other chances. You cannot beat this by yourself. I know it's hard to open up about things and make changes, but what is right and what is easy are very rarely the same.

[Jayne.]

Oh my gosh,, this has shocked and saddened me so much.
I just,, I just don't know what to say.
Helen you fought for help,, for years you fought and never gave up.
And now you have it,, you finally were given the help you need.
I can only imagine how awful it is for you,, but you have to do it for yourself.
No one expects you to be perfect,, no one expects you to be 'cured' instantly,, all we ask is that you stick in and help yourself.
We all love you so much.
Please,, please reconsider and go back.
I'm so worried for you.
Please think this through properly sweetie.
xxx

[Emmabob.]

please please please rethink this. you're worth so much more than this bitch of an ED.

[Cryptic.]

No, I don't hate you.
I just practically demanded I come to yours & stay with you for as long as I can because I am so worried for you & feel I need to be with you & need to keep you as safe as possible & to support you more than I can from here.
I just cried my eyes out.
No.
That's not hating you.
That's loving you & being **** scared on what's going on & what could happen to you & most likely will.
If you don't get help, if you don't go back & you don't keep trying, you will end up dead.

I know it's hard, alright? I know.
But you can live again.
You can recover.
Just don't take the easy way out, please.

I know you feel this is impossible to do but that feeling will subside.

Please go back.

You're going to kill yourself if you keep doing this.
I won't let you.
I won't let you do this to yourself.

You want to live, yeah?
Then fight.
Fight as hard as you can.

Don't give up because it's hard & because you're frightened, please don't.
This is your ED right now, being scared, & it's you being scared because of this huge change being shoved infront of you.
That feeling, these feelings, they can be coped with, they can be gotten through, they can fade & go.

You need to keep trying.
You need to work with them.
You need to open up to them & keep opening up to them, even if almost every fiber of your being is telling you otherwise.
(because I know there is my angel Helen in there saying she wants to be free.)

You know what my opinion is on how long you need IP for & why, but let me reiterate;
You need intensive help.
You need intensive support.
You need monitoring.
You need to be in a safe & controlled environment.
You need to be somewhere you can start recovering & to keep on track with it.
When you are able to be at home again & feel able/safe enough to go back home, then I think you still need a lot of help from therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors, etc, because of your extensive problems & your past, your current situation with your family & with your mental state & emotional difficulties, & your current medical problems which will no doubt affect you for a long time.

I also think you need to be living somewhere a lot better than where you are now, your mother is not very helpful or supportive, & she is very damaging for you, as we both know, so I think you need to be in a supported accommodation or your own place, or with a family member, or maybe stay with me, I'm not sure but it's very unhealthy to be at home & I think that it may in itself cause you to keep engaging in these destructive behaviors.

If you do this, if you discharge yourself & don't go back, or go back & discharge yourself again & don't go back, then you could be sectioned.
In my opinion, I think you need to be sectioned.
I did tell you this the other day, & from experience, being sectioned is awful, but you are at serious risk here of killing yourself.
Some part of you is scared of that happening & wants to be free - use that part baby, use it with everything you have inside & then some.
(You can borrow our strength baby.)

You have me, you have all of us, backing you up & supporting you.
Please don't turn back now.
Please keep going on this road of getting better.

I know you've been purging still but at least you've been communicating with the people there & keeping something down & trying & engaging in pro-recovery things.
& that is NOT a failure before your ED distorts what I'm saying.
That's being strong, brave & courageous.
It doesn't mean you're not ill either, you're extremely & severely ill, but just know I am so proud of you even for the tiniest, smallest steps, I am still proud of you, even if you slip up or relapse, I am still proud of you & I always will be.

Come on angel, you can do this.

Please, don't give up.

I love you.

[Mademoiselle Lola.]

What Sarah said it's amazing and so TRUE.
Here are some pics for you:

The following content has been hidden - Reason : big photos

Please,take care.

[Cryptic.]

Delia, love those photos & I'm sure Hel will too.
Thank you, & thank you everyone else for your support on behalf of Hel, I hope this will help her go back & get back up again & keep fighting.
xx

please dont give up chick u have come soo far allready. please keep going :) u have all of us promise.

[Alone and Scared]

Could you ring the hospital Helen and at least speak to them - so they know you're safe? x

[nowhereman]

Oh Helen, I hope you're ok and I agree with everyone that you should reconsider, you need and deserve support and you finally had some. Please be ok *hugs*

[NeverBetter]

oh helen i hope your ok i didnt realise you discharded your self i hope u go back sweetie even when you have been on here before u said when u were at home all you did was binge and purge it isnt helping you atleast when u were in impatient u werent doing it as much and ,you were really trying everyone here just wants whats best for you and hopes you get better beause u dont deserve to live like this you deserve to be happy and free from this what everyone here is saying is true and all they want is to help you......
its up to you to try and beat this all we can do is support you as much as we can hunni you have a lovely fiancee (sarah) you too are amazing toghether and you have lots people who care for you and who are behind you 100%
you can do this i belive in you helen

[Cherry Tree]

How is helen doing? Hope you're okay sarah and that you're looking after eachother. I'm thinking of you both and sending huge cuddles. xxx

[Cryptic.]

She's out right now, she's buying some new clothes.
I'm not sure how she is.
Hm.
I'll ask her when she's back, she's gonna come talk to me when she is back.
x

[Siouxsie]

Helen,
please think about this. When Sarah told me yesterday I was really shocked. You CAN beat this, there is hope. It's a long, difficult road but it'll be so amazing when you've fought and won. I have no words right now but I think about you a lot and I really hope you go back and carry on fighting, because it's so worth it.
I love you sweetness. <3

p.s. I was in the town of/near your unit yesterday!

ugh, dont really know what to say fo the best, but i wanted to let you know that im thinking about you helen.
i left cotswold house wiltshire in a bit of a huff and regretted having lost that support. at the time all i could see was that they were interfering with my self-destruction, but now i see that thet were trying to get me to LIVE.

whatever's happened doesnt have to be the end of it

you have an alternative to self-destruction

sending you courage
xx

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

I deserve to die though.

[Emmabob.]

u dont deserve to die, you're 1 of the nicest, thoughtful people I have met on here. you're worth so so so much more than this ED.