hey everyone hope you dont mind me asking this question but i was just curious.
my self harm is a secret and thinking about this made me wonder so..
if your loved ones know about your self harm:
how did they find out?
what was there reaction then?
what are there feelings about it now?
how did them knowing effect you?
and for anyone whos harming is a secret:
do you plan on telling anyone?
(thank you for your time)
Last edited by Nataleigh : 31-07-2010 at 08:41 AM.
my exboyfriend knew from the get-go. it was kinda part of why we met in the first place.
we're still supporting each other on it.
most of my closer friends know because i don't hide my scars and they notice when im wearing inappropriate clothing for the weather.
most were shocked when they figured it out, but it's also a motivation to stop.
Well, some of my loved ones know about my self harm. My close friends. But currently, my family does not know. My mother knows about my depression and anxiety and supports me, but I have not been able to open up about my self harm yet.
About my friends:
how did they find out? I told a few of them and reached out. what was there reaction then? They were very worried. Wanted me to reach out and get therapy (which I was and am in). what are there feelings about it now? They know I do it. And they try and help me through it. how did them knowing effect you? It was very anxiety inducing at first.. but it has gotten easier. It just takes time.
My parents discovered it a while ago, and I stopped for a bit. They don't know I've started again.
Most of my friends know, and they call me stupid, idiotic and attention-seeking for doing it.
My girlfriend knows I do it, and she's worried about me.
Knowing that what I'm doing is hurting her is usually what stops me, but sometimes it doesn't.
My friends and family dont know. I dont really plan on telling them. I would never tell my family, but maybe at some point i would tell a friend if it was getting too much.
♥ .I'm going to fall like I don't need saving. ♥
...My smile's just the armour I built when I was alone...
There was some part of me that hurt so badly, that I wouldn't ever be able to forget it.
It faded but the memories could bring it back any second, keeping me in the moment.
It would never fully heal. I could never really be free. I could never really be fixed. Now I just have to work out how to live whilst being broken.
I feel like I'm dying.
My mum knows that i used to do it - she thinks that I stopped years ago. My boyfriend knows.
how did they find out? A teacher at school noticed, when I was about fourteen, and contacted the child welfare officer, who called my mum.
But I told my boyfriend - I knew he'd see the cuts anyway, so I'd rather it came from me, than him seeing. what was their reaction then? My mum was angry, upset. She made me stop, started checking my arms - I just moved to my thighs. My boyfriend promised to support me through anything. what are there feelings about it now? My mum doesn't know I'm still doing it, so I don't know what she thinks. My boyfriend gets upset when he sees any new marks. how did them knowing effect you? I feel guiltier now, because I know that they don't want me to do it. I feel guilty for lying to my mum about it, and I know my boyfriend will get upset. But at first, when my mum found out, it was better. I didn't have to lie anymore. She knew I was struggling.
You are a wonderful creation.
You know more than you think you know, just as you know less than you want to know.
I started cutting at 14 and i was 17 before i told my parents. My mum (who i lived with) took it very well. She understood i didn't really want to talk about it but i told her because i was being referred to a psychiatrist and i was given prozac, and she seemed relieved that at least i would have someone to talk to and help me.
My mum told my dad (he lives on the other side of the world) and my dad got really worried. He asked to see my scars when he was here visiting and he seemed very distressed about it all.
None of my parents yelled at me or got mad at me. They took it as calmly as they could given the circumstances. I'm very grateful for the way they handled it, they didn't push me to talk or told me to stop or anything.
How did they find out? They found out from college, when my course manager found out i was sh-ing.
What was there reaction then? They were very upset and confused couldn't understand it at all. And shocked. Told me i had to stop it and wouldn't believe the reasons i gave them
What are there feelings about it now? They still feel guilty i know my mum thinks its her fault and i dont really talk to them about it, trying to stop.
How did them knowing effect you? I told them i had stopped to stop them worrying yet they found out it and it made me feel so guilty it still does now, i feel that if they know things about my sh am losing control. Yet my mum and dad feel that am getting help ( have a cpn ) is good so atleast i can talk to someone.
There's a lot of these threads around.
Some people were understanding when they found out, others not...
But they think I've stopped. I couldn't stand them knowing.
if your loved ones know about your self harm:
how did they find out? I reached out to my neighbor who was my best friend at the time. Told another friend who started doing it, I was trying to help her. My boyfriend found out before we started dating because my friend who did it opened her mouth about it. Boyfriend and I got into a fight so he told my mom, but later said I only did it once to stop my friend.
what was there reaction then? My neighbor didn't really understand but tried to help, friend blew me off basically and told my boyfriend and a few other people. Mom didn't buy the one time story and cried and told me that even though life is hard I shouldn't do it.
what are there feelings about it now? My neighbor and now ex-friend don't think I do it anymore, ex-friend thinks it's stupid. Boyfriend gets pretty upset about it, does it sometimes too now as revenge I kinda think. Sometimes he uses it as blackmail =/. Mom hasn't mentioned it since.
how did them knowing effect you?
Made me want to stop.
how did they find out?
My parents found out about 6 months ago, apparently my sleeves rolled up as I was sleeping and she saw my scars.
what was there reaction then?
My mom started crying, shouting and then cried a bit more, then the questions began, oh god the questions. My dad just stayed on the sofa and didn't look or say anything to me.
what are there feelings about it now?
I couldn't really talk to them about it, to this day I still tear up if they mention anything about it, I promised my mom i'd stop but that didn't happen, I used to feel guilty about continuing to SI but now I don't.
how did them knowing effect you?
Well they took me to see my GP who then referred me to a CPN who then referred me to a counsellor, I didn't want to see anyone and as my parents thought my SI had stopped, they told me I didn't have to see anyone if I didn't want to. Then 3 months later things got particularly bad as I was constanly crying in college becasue I couldn't cope with my parents knowing and because none of my friends knew I couldn't exactly tell them, I decided after a long month to tell my tutor who got me into counselling. My parents don't know I have a counsellor.
how did they find out?:
I told my mum because she was always asking me if I was okay, always worried about me and I just felt awful. I wanted help but I couldn't do it alone.
what was there reaction then?:
She just said 'oh no, that has to stop' & then phoned the doctor. She didn't get angry surprisingly.
what are there feelings about it now?:
Generally avoids it. Brings it up from time to time by saying things like 'You haven't done it again have you?' but I brush it off.
how did them knowing effect you?:
I don't know whether to be pleased. Yes, I'll get help soon but I'm not ready to stop. My mum told me she had depression years ago so I didn't feel as bad, at least it's not totally new to her.
Take all your chances while you can,
You never know when they'll pass you by.
❤
how did they find out?
My dad found out when i got took to hospital from an OD and the doctor wanted me to take my jacket off and i refused.
what was there reaction then?
He didnt say anything and the only time he does he laughs at me, and beats me up for it. Not that i see how thats going to help in any way.
what are there feelings about it now?
Nowadays we dont realy talk. just the od hello, so thats not a problem anymore and he always thinks if he cant see something then its not happening.
how did them knowing effect you?
Not at all haha. Im lucky that my dad doesnt realy care so im no longer confronted.
Im sure most parents wouldnt be like mine though. If i still knew my mum im sure shed be good with it so it depends on the person. If i had a kid i sure as hell wouldnt make them feel **** about it. :)
How did they find out? Well it's a pretty long story but i'll keep it short. Basically i had a really bad night and was on the phone to nhs24 all night. I went for a sleep then they phoned me back and basically i hung up and took the cord out the wall which was a big misstake because then not long after the police were banging at my door. Woke up my mum&brother. One of the police came in my room and asked me to show what it'd done to myself and my mum was in the room so i had no choice. Then my dad came to the house and my mum told him.
What was their reaction then? My mum was basically just like.. "Welll.. i'll take you to the doctors and we can get this all sorted out and get you help" She was very calm. My dad on the other hand, was very intense. He came into my bed and was grabbing me and crying so much and telling me that i don't want to end up crazy because noone will be my boyfriend and i'll be locked up and demanded to see my arms. He was angry, but more upset/heartbroken than angry. He was veryy upset but not very understanding, which is understandable i suppose lol.
What are their feelings about it now? Well it was just recently they found out(a few months ago) soo..they're still the same really. They don't know much about it, or understand it.
How did them knowing effect you? My mum knowing has helped me, because she's came to the doctors with me, something which i would never have done otherwise, so i'm beginning to get help now(she's taking me to this place for SH help/counselling,etc on sunday) And she says she wants to learn about it to understand everything, which is nice. I can walk about the house comfortable without hiding anything. But i wish my dad never knew, because it's too upsetting, and i've broke his heart.
There is also one friend who knows. My best girl friend. I told her on wednesday, on the train, i was so drunk and i kinda regret it, because i had no reason to tell her, i just blurted it out, it wasen't even in context, i just said it. BUT she's been nice and not told anyone and she said if i ever need her she's there for me :)
Do not listen to a word i say, just listen to what i can keep silent.
The only way to gain approval, is by exploiting the very thing that cheapens me.
well...i was talking to a friend about it on email and somehow another one of my friends ended up seeing it. and she told her parents...then their parents called my parents...thats how they found out about two years ago...but they found out again because RYL was on the history and my mom decided to check it out....
my parents started crying the first time they found out..they knew a lot was going on but not that it had gotten so bad..they did what they could to help cause they love me.
now that they found out again, they think its just one of those really hard things that i need to get through,,but cant do alone..so i see a pysiciatrist now a days.
at first when they knew,, i had to privacy and it was terrible, but after i talked to them they backed off a bit..
how did they find out?
my sister noticed, durin a cat fight haha.
my mum is too wrapped up in her own wee bubble to care thankfully :) and i don't know when im gunna tell my boyfriend.. soon i guess :/
my teacher/bestfriend noticed one day while i was rant wavin my arms about lol.
what was there reaction then?:
i think it makes her angry that she can't help so i keep all my cuts well hidden as much as i can!
think she was shocked like totally and she took it upon herself to help. im so grateful
what are there feelings about it now?
despair i guess
how did them knowing effect you?:
i'm okay with my teacher knowin its always good to have someone close to help if you ever get yourself into a bit of a mess lol
wish my sister i wish she didnt i dont know though dunno why
Last edited by dreamscollide : 31-07-2010 at 02:14 AM.
Reason: typo
I'm always by myself, in a sea of self infliction that I fill.
Well, my family knows that I used to do it, but they don't know that I started again, and I certainly don't plan on telling them.
How did they find out ?
In a pretty bad way, since it was at the Emergency. The nurse just pulled up my sleeves in order to take my blood pressure, and there it was.
What was there reaction then ?
I thought my mother was about to faint; I guess she was shocked, and was on the verge of tears.
My father showed no emotions whatsoever (but then, he's pretty insensitive, so no surprise).
What are there feelings about it now?
I don't really know about my father, since we never talk about serious matters, but my mother hate it. She'd be mad at me if she knew it all started again.
How did them knowing effect you ?
I hate that still now, because it's hard to get any cutting objects. Even now, my mother is taking everything away from my cupboards. I hate her. They don't know what they're talking about, and they don't even want to know. She made it pretty clear. Doesn't help.
Do you plan on telling anyone ?
Although telling my doctor would be a smart idea, I don't plan on doing it. I have no friends, so that settles the matter. And as far as my family is concerned, I certainly don't plan on telling them... For now, they're away for two more weeks, so it leaves me time to think how I'll do and hide things when they'll be back.
-- English is not my mother-tongue, so I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistake --
how did they find out?....i told my husband (before he had a chance to see/feel the cuts or scars). my friends that know, know because i told them. i needed a support system, i needed someone to know the 'real' me because i felt so fake.
what was there reaction then? everyone was really supportive. some of my friends don't mention it, pretend that nothing is wrong...which i figured. some of them actually help hold me accountable. which is what i need.
what are there feelings about it now? my very best friend and i aren't really speaking. she wants to help, but doesn't know how and i think it's partly my fault because i've pushed her away so much. it makes my husband very sad, he worries about me a lot. but we really don't talk about it much.
how did them knowing effect you? sometimes it helps me not to sh and sometimes i think since they know anyway then why not go ahead and sh, not like it'd be a shock, y know?
my kids don't know. but i think i might have to find a way to tell my oldest (who is 13) because eventually she will see the scars when i go into the hospital to have a baby in january.
