Triggering (SI) - I am not coping, gotta do it (Update - I did it)...

[pixie*lyssie]

I have been SI free for ummm *thinks* 5 months or 6 months now. I have not been having a very good time at all at the moment and I got some new 'tools' so si with and got some bandage... all ready for cutting myself. The thing is because we are waiting for our house to be built we are in a hotel and I have no where to do it. I need to do it or I could see myself really flipping very soon. I don't want to bug my shrink as I am being discharged from his care to adult services. It seems rather pointless tbh.
I just need to do this. I just imajine the relief and release from doing it. And it's comforting when it scars over. The blood. Seeing it just calms me to know that I AM real! God it's just, inexplainable. (If that's a word) I need it and I want it...

Ahhhhhhhhh.

[Amaryllis]

This isn't terribly helpful, but I do understand how you feel. I've been free for quite a while now too and I got a new tool a few weeks ago and I got new supplies to take care of it with today. It's so tempting.

Are there other ways you can make yourself feel real without hurting yourself? Could you write in a journal or something?

[pixie*lyssie]

I have a journal but nothing to write in it. It's strange. There is nothing else like it. It's so crazy!

[Amaryllis]

Maybe you could draw a picture? Or go for a walk or make something or dance?

Sorry, I'm probably not being any help here.

[pixie*lyssie]

You are actually. It's nice to know someone actually cares enough to post!

[pixie*lyssie]

I did it... and it felt so good! It's so comforting to feel the cut heal.

[BrightRed]

not to worry slip ups are part of recovering. 5 months is a long time but when you want to stop S.Iing im sure that you will beat it and be free of S.I for good xx

[Artyom]

im in the same boat as you. i went 6 months without it even really being on my mind. then one night i was just like...i miss it. so i did it. for no real reason. its part of recovery. i wish you luck.