Met with my nurse , she said I woulden't be so low/numb/suicidal if I didn't care about acheiving what my peers have acheived before me, if I didn't want the same for my life , Makes sense , I think I need to give it some thought ,It took the walk home and my sitting thinking about what she said before it hit me , then I rang my parents and was close to tears for the first time in ages and I started shaking, well my hands did. She has given me these daily diarys where you rate each 3 hour section of your day and say what you did and also she gave me papers that ask me to fill in what I have acheived and what do I enjoy that I've stopped doing , I'm going to struggle with the "What did you acheive today?" one I think . Sorry I ramble on . I am meeting her again on Friday.
I'm going to parents from tommorow afternoon to Friday lunch timeish so apologies in advance if I miss replying to you :)
I am Triggered , I want to cut and my hands are still shaking a bit , * walks away mumbleing somthing about distracting myself*
Oh And thankyou to all the people who said they are proud of me , means a lot :)
Quote:
but I doubt that people are just okay with the fact that you SI either.. ED stuff is just more visible I think so people comment on it more.
I Agree with Laura, Felicia
Last edited by Doikers : 20-07-2010 at 07:24 PM.
Reason: to add
I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones
It's okay , they know me here .
Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)
''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"
I don't think I can cope with much more of my work placement. No one else on my course has turned up for theirs this week so I think i'm due a day off, even though i've only been in two days. It's just so dull and it makes my mood lower and the men in my head noisier sometimes.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
*hugs crimson* glad that you managed to get some sleep. Hope you are feeling a bit better... if not *offers extra cuddles*
I am currently, yes. But I'm sure it's a bumpy road ahead... Trying 'writing therapy'...
How are you today?
*hugs everyone*
quiet again today...
*hugs mark, april, jk, laura, julie, taz, lindsay, felicia, hayley(even though she's not been in), jill, helen, jess, steph, heather, kat, kahlia and anyone else I inadvertently missed*
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
April , How Did your NP Appointment go?* Hugs and feels guilty for wanting hugs back* I feel really drained still although a BIT of that may be down to the accupuncture (Helps me sleep I think) the other BIT is down to my having had 2 VERY intense conversations today .
*Hugs Crimson*
I am off to bed , *goodnight hugs* to all my fellow wardies , stay safe everyone :)
Last edited by Doikers : 20-07-2010 at 09:26 PM.
Reason: Hugs
I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones
It's okay , they know me here .
Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)
''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"
*hugs crimson* writing therapy sounds interesting. glad you are doing okay so far today.
*hugs mark, jill, and lindsay*
*goes to sit in my dark corner*
oh and i updated my r/v if anyone is interesting.. just random whining i guess, i've talked about some of it a little in here so sorry for repeated info (http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...=106265&page=3)
<3
forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past - buddy wakefield
interesting is one way to put it, laura... i always shut down in actual therapy so i figured i'd give a go at just writing everything out and straightening me out myself... i'm trying to tackle it like a book though and may later alter it a bit and publish it as one. i thought this was a good tactic since i like to write and was working on a book or two anyway. i spose in a way this means i can write it from many perspectives and amend it to fit in my 'story' after the fact...
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
I'm sorry I haven't posted much today, been kind of busy.
Felicia, you're in the States, correct? Well, there are several FREE (yes, completely free) residential programs that I've considered in the past. They don't deal with just ED or SI, but everything from unwanted pregnancies to SI, from drug/alcohol abuse to EDs. If you want I can find & give you the links to their sites. The only "downside" is that they are Christian - I am not sure what your faith is or if you have one, but you don't have to be a Christian to go there. It wasn't a downside for me considering them but that's because I am a Christian. Anyway. Just a thought. :) And also, I'm pretty sure that places like Renfrew and Rader offer partial scholarships... but I might just be pulling that out of a hat or something, I don't know. *gentle hugs*
Mark *cuddles and tucks into ward bed* I hope that you sleep well. I'm sorry I missed posting back & forth with you today, or chatting on FB - I miss the interaction!! Anyway, I'll bet you're tired - intense conversations do that to me too. But I think it's good that you've had them. Also, enjoy (or try to enjoy) the time at your parents'. :) *extra cuddles*
Laura, I'll try to read your r/v in a bit. :) *cuddles* I'm also glad that you managed to get an email out to your friend... maybe you can get some much-needed encouragement IRL that way. Sorry if that sounded dense... :-S
Crimson, how are you doing now? I hope that the writing therapy works... *cuddles*
*hugs Jill* What's up, sweetie?
Hels, I'm sorry that you feel/felt the same way (ish) that you did earlier... does that still hold true? *squishes* Hope not - hope you're feeling better, some.
Lia, Lia, where are youuuu? :P *sets out a box of hugs in case she comes in whilst I'm not about* I hope you're doing okay...
As to your question, Laura, I actually did feel a bit better after crying. Kind of like a loser since I never do and am used to considering myself (not others, just myself) as weak for even tearing up. Anyway. I'm glad that I managed to cry some...
As far as my NP appt, Mark (thanks for asking!!), it went alright. We DOUBLED the dose of the Tegretol that I'm on... so I'm kind of scared about that. Have still been having very bad nightmares, even when I nap - she commented that I must be quite tired to be getting to that stage of sleep where I have dreams/nightmares in a NAP... I hadn't thought of that before!! but I guess it's true. :-/ I don't like that. I hate being so tired. Was so exhausted this morning that my eyes were crossing inadvertently. It hasn't been "this bad" since 2007. Ugh. :( Also...
The following content has been hidden - Reason : female stuff, possibly WTMI... heh
...one thing my NP did say is that low levels of Abilify can cause prolactin levels to go up (go figure? - I'm taking 20mg/day now instead of 30mg/day)... which explains the breast tenderness I've been experiencing lately. VERY annoying!!!! But anyway...
(Okay men, you can come out of hiding now :P) But that really was about all that "came out" of the appt. I have to have bloodwork again in a week to 10 days... fun. :-X
I've been a bitch most of the day & I don't know why. :( I hate me so much sometimes. :'(
*hides in a hole and cries*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
*hugs crimson* hmm.. writing therapy sounds like a good idea. If you ever publish a book i'll definitely read it I'm working on 2 book myself. One about me and one fiction one.
*hugs april* I'm glad your NP appt went okay and that the change of meds works okay for you and that side effects go away or settle down. Crying is not weak at all though. I hate crying too, but its good to cry sometimes. Glad that you felt a little better afterwards. Hope you're doing okay right now. Your not a bitch.
*hugs helen* I care. I always care about you hun.
<3
forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past - buddy wakefield
Going up to the hospital with my housemate today. He's having an echo and a stress test for his heart. A bit scared (read incredibly/terribly anxious) but I know that he is too, and I want to be there for him.
Thanks to everyone who has been sending me encouraging words. Still struggling. Got to send my psychiatrist another email today - appointment is next week. Hopefully he'll have some ideas.
*big hugs to all of you*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
*cuddles Hels* Glad we had a chance to chat on FB, sorry I had to take off so quickly. :( People DO need to care, to help you, and I hope that you start feeling a bit better soon. :(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Hugs everybody that hugged me, sorry forgotten who hugged me heads kind of allover the place to night.
Big bear hugs for Helen of course we care.
Hmm doesn't matter, it's kind of going ahead now or will be after this post. It's okay everthings fine nothing to worry about so please don't as it's not what it sounds like. If I'm making any sence problely not. =(
hey all, sorry for no individual replies, have been soooo ill today. was at the gps and ended up passing out. blood pressure really low, pulse really high and sweating like i was in a sauna!!! still feel extremely woozy, so sorry if there is loads of spelling mistakes :/
thanks for all the hugs people.
i rang my cpn today and tried to tell her how bad i waas feeling mentally, and said the physical problems were making it worse, but i dont think she quite got it, saaid i was exagerating a bit. i wasnt, it was actually an understatemnt. how do i get her to understand? this is why i dont tell people.
*hugs to all*
*goes and lays down with feet higher than my head lol*
hope everyone is ok, and hope to give some individual replies tomorrow,
night all
steph
xxx
xx
x
Tears dry, hurt doesn't. Life is for living, don't waste it. Hurt fades.
if you dont stand for something, you'll fall for everything
while there's life, there's hope
life is a great canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can...
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
I'm working on 2 book myself. One about me and one fiction one. 
