Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - Starting counselling & stuff TRIGGER SA, r*pe

[discovery_journey]

A month or so ago I posted to say that I had been to rape crisis about counselling.

Well, the lady phoned up yesterday and offered me a place.

I said, yes!

Am incredibly nervous and am really not sure if I am ready for this, but am going to give it a try.

The situation I find myself in at the moment is that I am doing 'ok' - I have put my thoughts/feelings about SA and r*pe in a box and locked it. But I am all too aware that those thoughts and feelings will only stay in that box for a while, because at some point something will happen or someone will say something and it'll trigger me off. And then all hell will break lose.. again.

So I guess I am wary of starting counselling because it is opening that box and exploring what is in there while being supported. And that is scary.

I really don't know if I am doing the right thing. But I have to try.

I am 36 years old and had one serious boyfriend when I was 24 years old for all of 4 months approx.
My GP has said he's not sure if I'll ever be able to have a relationship - I think because he thinks I'm disturbed by what has happened to me and that I may never come to terms with it.
But still, I try. I have joined a well known internet dating site. But I have so little experience of dealing with men in a romantic way that I don't know how to act and what to do. And ultimately I am scared that I'll have to be close to a man. So I have basically wasted my money on this internet dating caper because I know. Deep down. That I can never be intimate with a man.

But I still have this deluded notion that through counselling, things one day will be 'alright'.

[ghosts in the machine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by agedharmer

But I still have this deluded notion that through counselling, things one day will be 'alright'.

I don't think that's as delusional as you might feel. A couple of years ago, I was incredibly phobic of touch. Hated it, felt dirty when it happened - all because of the memories I was digging through at the time. But I'm now in a happy relationship, I feel safe with my girlfriend, and I can assure you that things can and do get better.

I understand your nervousness about starting to look in that box. But, as you said, you'll be supported while doing it, and you'll probably first be gien a lot of things to do to cope with overwhelming feelings before opening the box so that you don't get flooded with them.

I think you're incredibly brave to go ahead with the counselling, and I hope that it gives you the help you need.

[Master Of Deceit]

I think it's awesome that you're taking that step. It's natural to be nervous, but I think that if you understand that it won't be easy, but you're willing to go there in order to get through it, then you're probably ready to face it. And remember that you will be accompanied through this. I also believe that, after you begin to deal with what has happened, it will be possible to work through trust and intimacy issues and learn to build relationships. Don't lose hope. What you're doing is very courageous, and will be good for you.

[bobbiwibble]

good luck :) its a really brave step and it honestly COULD help - its easy to get cynical especially on ryl where people mainly are upset over health care failures but it doesnt mean thats all there is. i have a big phobia of touching and i'm still in the mindset where i'll never find someone else who could love me (i HAD someone, but i messed them up due to the SA/r*pe that i experienced at the time) but people do get better and it DOES get easier and i just have to hope that if i keep on trying then it'll happen for me :)

take care, stay strong

xxxbobbie