Triggering (SI/Suicide) - I don't know

[Dzem]

I've been really down lately and there's no one to talk to. I've been good about fighting the urges so SI but it's so hard. I just feel so empty and I just can't explain the feeling. It's a pain and I don't know how to get rid of it. I'm sick of the voices in me that make everything that much more worse. What scares me the most is I've noticed I've come to terms with death. It doesn't scare me the way it used to. I know I'm strong enough to not do anything that would put my life at risk, but it's so hard and it just seems so much easier to give in. What should I do? The thought of living like this for who knows how many years scares me more than anything.

[R-Jay]

Hang in there, stay strong, it will be worth it in the end, recovery is hard but it's definetely worth it.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now *hugs*, sorry that I don't know exactly what to say. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk though. xx

[NeverBetter]

hugs*stay strong
can u talk to a friend/family /proffesional help explain how u are feeling?

[DevilzKisses]

I can only echo what the others have said, stay strong and hang in there.
You're doing so well to be fighting it, I know it's hard but there's something in you that wants to stop. It's not easier to give in, you know you can do this and get through it without putting your life at risk.

You say you can't imagine living like this for who knows how many years. How about you give it a couple of years. It's hard to fight your way out, but eventually the empty feeling goes away, you find things to make it go away. Like you say in your sig, hang on to the beautiful little things.
And I know, it sounds like a load of crap, and it's just so hard to get through it that you think it's easier to give up, but it's not, it's worth it.

Remember, there's always people to talk to. If nothing else, there's us.

[Dzem]

Thanks all of you for your support. It helps knowing there are other that understand what I'm going through and don't think I'm over reacting or being a baby. As much as some of my family cares about me, I just can't speak with them or trust them. It's lame but i feel more comfortable talking to people I don't know and who can't see me, it doesn't feel like I'm being judged. I know I have to stay strong and I am trying to take every day one step at a time and not get ahead of myself. I just get so scared when everything in me is telling me how easy it would be to let go and it's like I'm losing myself. Is it weird to say my biggest fear is myself? But, thank you for your kind words because if you are all able to hang on then I know I can.