I support a lot of people on this site.I take time out to answer threads ,even ones I dont really know what to say to.lately ,even more i find that I might get one reply to a thread I post.
I find this very discouraging and have been put off coming on this site at all.
i was very close to Oding one night and nobody answered me .i think this is terrible.i think there are cliques on this site and since I have no apparant friends on here ,I may as well rot to f*ck.
I honestly dont even see the point in even coming on this site anymore.I got a very angry answer when I posted on the first aid thread.I was sorry for posting at all
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
I support a lot of people on this site.I take time out to answer threads ,even ones I dont really know what to say to.lately ,even more i find that I might get one reply to a thread I post.
I find this very discouraging and have been put off coming on this site at all.
i was very close to Oding one night and nobody answered me .i think this is terrible.i think there are cliques on this site and since I have no apparant friends on here ,I may as well rot to f*ck.
I honestly dont even see the point in even coming on this site anymore.I got a very angry answer when I posted on the first aid thread.I was sorry for posting at all
I think this is something that has been true for awhile and one of the reasons I posted about the "Everything Goes" thread.
There are so many forums and so many similar threads that echo other threads that a kind of stale quality has set in. I won't blame cliques per se although they play a part.
The vitality and sense of imperative that used to guide forums just isn't there anymore. A lot of activity has become an exercise of attempting to be engaged without really being able to so - and I think people actually want to be engaged but just hit dead ends with their enthusiasm due to "buffering" mechanisms built into the forum structure.
At one time too many things got out of hand on RYL so the safe approach became one of taking the edge off conflict and nestling everyone into like minded threads/forums to reduce then dissonance.
Diversity is good when it highlights commonality - when it's used to highlight separateness it makes the sum less than the parts.
Of course none of this came about by neglect of forums but an attempt to make things better. There are good people here for the most part.
A lot of activity has become an exercise of attempting to be engaged without really being able to so - and I think people actually want to be engaged but just hit dead ends with their enthusiasm due to "buffering" mechanisms built into the forum structure.
I want to second this. I can't say much about how it used to be, because I'm still something of a fresh face here, but I do notice the buffering effect you've mentioned. I catch myself not posting threads or, sometimes, answering other people's posts, because at some point I've gotten a sense that the forums are more fragile than they probably really are (if, indeed, that's even what you're getting at). I don't intend that as a negative criticism of the site itself; I can understand constructing the rules system with an eye toward promoting protection and a sense of safety. But I do think that the insular feeling reallifetime mentions is a natural unfolding of that construction. Cliques, which are a social safety net in and of themselves, are a separate problem, I think, though I can see how they'd feed into a sense of isolation or trepidation that was already present for other reasons.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Personal reply
Also, I know that I personally have been remiss. That's mostly been because I've been in a bad place mentally for the last little while, but partly also because I've had access problems which I'm only now getting solved. Honestly I haven't been very active on the forums for awhile now. So I do feel like I owe you an apology for disappearing as I have, and I really hope I haven't been part of the problem.
I know how you feel. I think often people want to reply but don't know what to say. And there are a lot of similar threads around, I find myself writing almost the same things over and over sometimes.
On the First Aid Forum you can sometimes get harsh replies. But I think this is mostly because giving incorrect advice can be potentially dangerous on there and because Animad is so busy that I don't think she always has time to word replies as carefully as others might.
It is something that plagues all support forums and groups, not just RYL. With almost the entire population struggling with similar issues at the same time it can be hard for people to reply. Sometimes they just don't know what to say, others they might not be in the right place to formulate a reply.
Without intending to be mean or harsh or whatever, I would reply to your threads, except I really struggle to read them. I think you make some good points in discussions and I believe you really deserve to be supported, which I would be willing to do, except I struggle to read your posts.
I'm not intending this as a jibe or anything because obviously I don't know if you have anything which means that they are difficult to read, I'm just saying.
I do, however, not think that General Chat is quite suitable place for this thread?
I think its unfair to say all of this. The point is this site give and takes, and alot of the time people arnt in the right place to give and alot of threads dont get replies until a day or two later, it cant be helped.
But you have to look at other support rather than just ryl, ryl shouldnt really be your first and only point of call. There are support helplines, hospitals, ect for when you feel in a bad place.
As wonderful said your posts are hard to read, and another point im going to add in (which you arnt going to like) is your attitude. People read threads and people attitudes come across and many people decide to stay away from that person - youve been very rude to me before for simply trying to help, or just having a disagreement which there was really no need for. People read that and they see and they can decide they dont want to help that person, alot of us avoid people that can be rude for no reason.
Its not that people dont care, and its not that you should rot or people are all in little groups and whatnot, its that sometimes people just dont repley.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
I agree with the fact that this is the problem with support forums; there are so many people going through so many different and similar problems that they always don't know what to say to each other or are not in a place to create a reply. I know that the latter has been the case for me more recently, especially longer posts. I'm not criticising longer posts because I make them myself, it's just they can be difficult when you aren't quite feeling great. It can be really disconcerting and demeaning to see other people get lots of replies whilst your thread just remains dispondent, as you put it.
The First Aid Forum is one of the harshest but not in a mean way. I think people in there just want to help, but sometimes things are so hectic (and also perhaps other people not taking the advice given causing irritability- though I don't aim that at you at all, as I don't know as that was the case, but you get my drift).
I've found that you just have to jump into threads, even if you don't feel like you belong there. Generally people are really accepting and lovely :) I haven't actually had much problems with cliques and yet I am certainly not a part of them (or perhaps I am dodging in and out and have absolutely no idea) but I am sure that I would never push anyone away who I hadn't seen before. New members are always coming to myself, I was one, everyone has been and so we should never push anyone away- not that I am saying you are, just putting across the point.
I hear you. It can be so disconcerting when some people get lots of advice and others seem not to. This can be due to cliques but i'm sure that there are over factors involved, repetition in posts being one of them. Lately I haven't really been spending time on the support forums. Sometimes I can find it triggering and other times I just don't really seem to have the energy. I'm assuming that this applies to a lot of other people as well... And sometimes posts can just slip through the cracks. Its not always personal.. I suggest that you don't let this get you down though. You need to pick yourself up and move on. Frankly its not worth leaving RYL over. I hope that you've cheered up a little since you started this thread. :) xx
As everyone else has said, it happens.
I haven't been around much (or, actually, at all) for a wee while now, but I remember posting something similar to this myself...a few years ago.
Sometimes it's just that people find it difficult to formulate a reply that will be helpful and supportive, rather than just saying something for the sake of saying something.
Stick with it. Sometimes it's just that you need to put things in a different way. People will help, I'm sure it's not a personal thing.
I am sorry you got a angry reply in FA.
I have not been around as much as I should have been in relation to FA, however I am around more now. So please, if you are up to it and want to, pm me about the FA issue.
I kind of agree about the clique thing - I've certainly been on the receiving end of it myself. There are certain support threads that I've posted in and just been completely ignored in favour of the people who regularly post in said threads. It's my belief that those threads should be for everybody, but the unfortunate fact is that the people who post in such threads often tend to know eachother better, and so they are more inclined to help eachother.
I also agree about threads being repeated etc. Like makedamnsure, I just seemed to be typing the same thing in the reply to posts in the First Aid and SI Discussion and Support forums so often that I've just given up reading them now.
Maybe one way to improve the above, and regain that 'sense of community' is to cut down the number of subforums there are? Recommendations can be merged with General for example (as recommendations often appear in General anyway)
Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level & beat you with experience
i was very close to Oding one night and nobody answered me .i think this is terrible.i think there are cliques on this site and since I have no apparant friends on here ,I may as well rot to f*ck.
What did you do that night, when you were close to overdosing and nobody answered you?
The night I was going to Od i lost the plot and my parents rang the doctor over me .I calmed down eventually
Thanks for the replies.Its good to know people feel like I do.
For not being able to read my posts ,its funny cos Im actualy a published writer but when Im writing here I am so full of emotion I which to convey it so I use abbreviations.
I dont have an outlet.One night I was sucidial so bad and I rang the psych hospital and told them I wasnt safe.The nurse knew me and wasnt at all helpful ,she told me to go to a and e and wait for like 7 hours.
Theres no way I could have done that in my state.
Pierrot you are a lovely guy and you have nothing wrong.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
I ask because I wanted to point out that despite the lack of replies (which is obviously disheartening, and it's happened to me before to so you're certainly not alone & it isn't personal) that you made it through the night, and were able to use other means of support such as your parents who then contacted the doctor. In many ways this is probably much better for you to have your parents/doctor know what is going on and when you're vulnerable, as they are important parts of the process of trying to deal with this.
So, just wanted to say well done for getting through it, even if it wasn't easy.
They contacted the doctor and the doctor siad 'what do you want me to do about it'
I swore i would rather die then see that docotor again.It was her who triggered me in the first place.I went to emergency doc and she told me I was lying about being sick and 'pretending ' not to have a voice.She was horrible.
No doc has ever helped me ,only pumped me full of drugs which has made me obese and now I have ven more health problems because of that .I have started a new job and I have odema from the weight.Its pure agony working .
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
