not taking my medication...

[k26]

i had this brilliant idea last week..
not to take my medication.
and it seemed like the right thing to do.
so now, im not taking my medication.
im on Mirtazapine 30mg but,
i dont want to take it, and i dont care.

i always thought it was stupid thing to do,
not to take your meds but..i dont care.
and it seems right.

has anyone else stopped there meds themselves?

[whirlpools]

I've stopped my meds before, and it's always ended up in near-disaster. But I've known people who've stopped their meds, along with a decision to no longer treat themselves badly, and they're much better now.

What do you want to happen, having stopped taking your meds?

[sherlock holmes]

If you want to come off your meds, please talk to your doctor. It really is not advisable to suddenly stop taking it yourself. You will probably experience withdrawal symptoms and maybe relapse.

[brokendancer]

yeh, i would talk to your doc, i dropped my meds, and wish i had spoken to the doc, i did relapse, and am still suffering the after effects of it now....even though the meds none taking decision was december

[k26]

i wont be allowed to come off them, i got told before id be on them for at least 2 years before they would even concider taking me off them.
it didnt bother me at the time.
just, recently..i dont want to take them.
and i dont care what happens.
i know things will go bottom up without them, but...in one way, its what i deserve.

[startingagain]

I've stopped taking different medication loads of times, but only because they didn't work and I refuse to try again. I have to take medication for my a physical reason and mostly do that correctly as it makes me really ill when I don't.

Is there a reason you've stopped? Is is a way to hurt yourself? If they were working it could be that you need a review and they can help again. x

[k26]

i dont really know why. just decided one day i didnt want to take them.
i guess its a way to hurt myself.
they were working well..the only meds that have worked this well for me.


thanks for replying everyone xx

[Fry]

Based on the reasons you've typed here about not wanting to take them, I think that you should carry on taking them instead. I know exactly what it's like to be in 'don't care' mode but you know that you will feel worse and you don't deserve that.
What else is going on for you that's led you to feel so lackadaisical and self destructive?

[k26]

Thanks for replying.

I know I shouldn't stop taking them..but I don't want them.
I don't want to feel better in a way, which is ridiculous.

Iv not been feeling great recently even when I was taking them.
Been thinking too much about the past and it hurts, a lot.
But I can't stop. I was sexually abused in september and..
Its all coming back to me. I managed to block it out for a while.
To forget, now I can't. And I can't cope with it.

[xXMessedUpXx]

I stooped taking mine a few times and its always lead to a really bad relapse.

I hate the idea about being on them for a long time (in my case, possibly life), i hate thinking that my life and stability is so dependent on these bloody tablets.

[debstar]

Hi,
I stopped taking my meds easter this year after only a month, i didn't tell my doctor for over 2 months. I had just had a rubbish day in which I had been close to attempting SS, had been held at college for hours because my tutor didn't think I was safe to go home, was permantly tired and dizzzy, anxiety had increased to the point where i struggled to get out of the house. So bascally I had enough of them and didn't believe that the doctor or any health professional could do anything to help me.

At the time I didn't regret stopping taking them because after a week I felt better, able to get out of the house and at least stay awake for more than 3 hours at a time!

I will say though, that months later I regret not getting some support - I pushed everyone away and felt like I was left to fend for myself in the real world. I'm not saying that I want to go back on the meds - the side effects have put me off, but I am now seeing a counsellor and still hoping that it will be enough to lift me out of the depression.

Because I pushed everyone away it meant that people stopped trying to help me and I was going nowhere. The college counsellor even called crisis line and I had to go back and visit my GP but because I refused support (well found it too difficult to talk about anything or trust anyone) there was nothing they could do (I reckon now that the only way I would be able to get the support I needed in that deepest depression would be caught attempting SS)

I understand you saying that you didn't want to get better. I didn't/don't either. My problem being that I have lived going in and out of depression for the last 7 years, the longest I've held a full time job for is 9 months which is purely frustrating knowing that I have the potential to do all this and that but can't because of the depression hitting in 3 times a year which once a year is severe enough to be noticed by others that I am not functioning. My fear was/is that if I got better, it would never be fully to the extent that I could become a 'constructive citizen' earning a decent income, being happy etc. (Therefore what is the point in life). Plus - my theory being that if I remain this depressed I at least have another chance at attempting SS (which I have since stopping) which I know I will spend forever regretting not trying because of the pain I have been through. Hope this helps - may help you understand why you feel that way, and that you are not alone. PM if you want to chat.

[startingagain]

I can understand the worry about not wanting to get better. Even though I struggle with my psychologist appointments if I get better I will have no one to talk to and that would be even worse. The medication for my physicial issue is for life and I resent having to take it, which is partly why I don't always use it properly and also it is an easy way for me to self harm.

I hope that things get better for you x

[k26]

iv not got any support anymore...i changed from child to adult services in january as i turned 18 in november. adult services saw me twice and discharged me and the guy couldnt have cared less about how well or unwell i was. he didnt even ask before discharging me.
so...the only thing i have left is the medication.
it does help, and its always been something thats made a difference. not a massive difference but to the point where i could cope.
but now, i dont feel like iam coping even while im on it. and..i want to give up. i want to throw everything away that iv achieved in the past 8 months or so...
this time last year i was in a day programme 3 times a week, in september last year i was sectioned for 3 months, and discharged myself once they lifted my section...since then, iv held down my part time job that iv had for a year now (back and forth while in hospital) iv completed my year at college, and am waiting on my grades to find out if i get into university in september.
i have 3 months of doing nothing until i find out, apart from working which i am now doing full time. but...3 months for me to melt, to get all this crap out of my system before my 7 year university course.
it sounds stupid i know, but i feel like if i go mad now..i can get it together (hopefully) or enough for university. if i keep going like this, il end up dropping out of university and....that will kill me.
it made me completly give up this time last year when i was in day programme, they wouldnt allow me to sit my exams because of stress, which then meant i couldnt go to university. it killed me.
and i know if i dont get in this year, i will kill myself.
iv tried so many times, and been told by doctors that they dont know how i survived...i took that and thought maybe there was a reason i had survived...but i cant fall apart at university and ruin my plans...because then i will lose myself. completly.

i dont know if that made any sense. guess i had to let it out.
sorry.

[recoveringrobin]

i have a really bad habit of doing this, and let me tell you it is NOT a good thing to stop your meds without talking to your doctor. almost all of the psychiatric meds that are prescribed should be tapered off if you want to stop, not just abruptly stopped. i know for me personally no matter what it is that i stop taking, my symptoms get worse and things go bad. please just talk to your doctor. it is the safest thing to do.

Hey, I can understand your feelings about not wanting to take your medication and also about being scared to get better. But I do agree with what everyone else has said; it sounds like it's not a good idea for you right now and you're not doing it for the 'right' reasons. I also do understand where you're coming from about wanting to fall apart now so you can be better in time for uni but, I don't think it works like that sweetheart. There's no guarantee that you would be okay in a few months time and if you've been stopped from going before because of your mental health then I would imagine that could happen again. I think probably it's more a feeling of you can't go on like this, barely holding things together and I can completely understand that. Of course you can't, people can't go on like that for long. But falling apart now is NOT the only way to get better and it's not the only way you can get help. Oh, and I just wanted to say I do understand your feelings about university, but if you don't get to go this time, please don't feel like you have to kill yourself. It doesn't mean you won't get there in the future, it might just take a bit more time to work on getting yourself well enough.

I'm sorry you've been left without any support, that doesn't sound fair to me at all. I'm also so sorry for what happened to you in September; there is no way you should be left without any support and having to deal with all this on your own. If you go back to your doctor to discuss the medication and (hopefully) starting to take it again, would you be able to ask about getting some help set up? It's ok to say that you don't think you should have been discharged and ask to be referred back to adult services, and see someone different if that's a possibility. Other than that, you said that what happened is affecting you now, which is totally understandable, unfortunately blocking things out doesn't tend to work for too long, so you might want to think about contacting Rape Crisis Scotland (I noticed you're in Scotland). They have a helpline and centres in various places and offer help if you've experienced ANY form of sexual violence at ANY time, so that would be an alternative way of getting support. Or you could see if there are any mental health charities / other organisations in your area that offer counselling or something. Just, don't feel like you're alone in all this. You're not. There are people who will help.

Sorry for rambling! But yep, regarding the medication I think it would be a really good idea to speak to your doctor about it, stopping taking it suddenly really isn't a good idea. Please look after yourself, and feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to or anything at all really. xx

[Steel Maiden]

Can I just say that every time I've stopped taking my meds I've ended up in hospital, a few times being dragged there against my will by the police. So be careful.

[k26]

Thanks for your replies.

i really appreciate what your saying, and i know if i dont get into uni its not a big deal/end of the world. i can wait and go some point in the future but its the only thing thats kept me going.
iv let myself down, and although my parents are very supportive and would rather i was happy than pushing myself to get through university, they know how much it means to me. i also know that if i sit and wait to get better...it will be worse. i have to have a focus in my life, goals. otherwise, i cant cope. theres no reason for me to 'have' to survive, at least when im at school/college i have to be okay, i have to turn up and i have to be able to function.
i dont know if that makes sense or not.

him discharging me made me feel like i obviously must be okay, and theres nothing wrong with me. i went from seeing someone 3 times a week to seeing him once every 3 months which...happened twice and now, noone.

:/ what happened in september, i dont think i can talk about it. its something that i cant deal with. i blocked it out as long as i could but before that i was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and i kept having panick attacks and my anxiety was really high. so blocking out was the only way that i could manage.
now that its all coming back im worried im going to loose control, i havnt dealt with it.
i can go to see my doctor and ask for a referrel but...i dont trust people easily and by the time i get referred and see someone, i dont think ill be able to tell them what happened. and although it will be in my notes, to deal with it i have to talk about it and...i know if i do everything will get 100 times worse, and il do something stupid.
and then everyone will worry and....i guess im worried il be sectioned again. because i got told before that if i ever stopped taking my medication or attempted suicide again they would have reason to section me because iv not been able to take responsibility for myself in the past.

my parents have always fought against me going into hospital, but my mums worried that if i attempt suicide once more she will lose me, and..she said before as much as she hates me being in hospital, and dosent think that it always helps, it keeps me safe and thats all that matters to her now.

sorry im rambiling now.
i still dont want to take my medicaiton.

[akita]

Quote:

Originally Posted by k26

Has anyone else stopped their meds themselves?

Yeah I have a few times. Didn't have any side effects from going cold off them though but like the others have said you need to talk to the person who put you on them.

[Retrosimplicity]

Yes. I have mild bipolar and severe anxiety. All it did was make my symptoms worse. Medication is nothing you EVER stop on your own. Not even with intuition. Always consult a doctor before you stop taking anything. For any reason. They'll wean you off the dosages so your emotions don't wreck havoc.

[Katiee]

I have. Though it was a very bad idea and people can tell when I haven't taken my meds because I deteriorate very quickly.

You shouldn't stop your meds suddenly. If you really want to come off them, please see your doctor first.

Take care of yourself. x