i feel so pathetic, theres no reason for me to SI. i've got a supportive family that encourage me with everything, i've got friends that listen and help me out, i get good grades, i'm not popular but not ignored either. so why do i feel the need to cut?
i'm scared of people but act confident in company,
i'm scared of making bad impressions but act like its not important
i'm scared that everyone is looking at me but act like i couldnt give a damn.
but because of this people think i'm attention seeking and making it up.
i havent cut in three weeks, but i've just been on holiday and i know people have seen the scars on my legs, and its just made me want to do it so much more. i havent SI in a few weeks (? not counting) but the urge is so strong, i'm just thinking of the realease i'll get and then i think about all the things i wrote and that i have no reason and that just makes feel guilty which makes me want to do it more, its just one big vicious cycle and i really dont know what to do
sorry for my rambling
Pain is pain, regardless of reasons. I'm sure there is a reason why you feel the need to injure yourself, but please don't compare your problems and think that because there are good things in your life that you don't have a right to feel the way you do.
It sounds like you have a lot of fear in your life, and worry. Does harming yourself bring comfort and relieve some of the anxiety?
Anyone can have all the luxuries in the world, and still be down or depressed. Seriously don't feel bad for yourself if you think you can't be down, because you can.
Do you have anyone to talk to about your fears? And three weeks is really long, and we're all proud of you. Keep it going!
if you want to talk.. my inbox is always free. :) x
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." - W. Gibson.
It sounds like you have a lot of fear in your life, and worry. Does harming yourself bring comfort and relieve some of the anxiety?
i worry about everything, and yeah its like someones lifted the weight of my shoulders, and because i havent done it in ages it feels like its just pileing on top of me
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sky Fairy
Do you have anyone to talk to about your fears?
i can't talk to my friends they've got their own problems, and my mum and dad think if they dont talk about it then it doesnt exist so no not really
I SI too. And I have good grades, a loving family, and friends. I want you to know you don't have to have an abusive family or a lost loved one or any sort of traumatic event to want to hurt yourself. I'm right there with you looking for the causes. Sometimes I feel like I know exactly why I feel how I do… and other ties I hate myself for being so stupid and pathetic when there's nothing wrong.
Silence can be golden but gold can sometimes suffocate
Like that girl in that James Bond film, too late to respirate
Tragedy can be plain to see with lights and sirens
But sometimes it ain't quite so clear, Domestic Silence
~Scroobius Pip
You're not pathetic at all, some people who cut have no idea why they do it. Sometimes it takes a long time before you realize why.
Well done on not cutting in a few weeks and I'm sorry to hear you're triggered at the moment - please use distractions or talk to someone. You can get through this. Stay strong. x
:( aww. Do you think you're maybe self-injuring because you're hiding your emotions all the time, and use cutting as a way to let it all out so you can keep hiding them? I'm sorry if I'm completely wrong, but that's what it sounds like to me.
My advice is to let it all out. Crying actually can help, or maybe you could write down all your feelings in a journal? If you're angry about something try punching a pillow. Then if you're still feeling triggered you could try distracting yourself. You could watch tv, listen to music, read a book, try making/writing/drawing something? But the best thing you can probably do is tell somone you trust the most that you're feeling like this.
Sorry if I was no help at all, but either way, Good Luck :)
I agree with FriendlyMushroom. When I think about this, I always think I don't have a reason to do this either-especially for so long. I too get good grades, have a stable family and amazing friends. For me, the pressure to save face and be just like everyone else was too much.
Above all, though, there is no "wrong" reason to self harm. For you, something is too stressful and too much pressure for your coping skills. It means that you're hurting inside even if everything seems to be going so well. Have you ever talked about this with a mental health professional? Because no matter what the reason, you're hurting. Don't get yourself down about a reason.
One thing is sure-
we have to do something.
We have to do the best
we know at the moment.
If it doesn't turn out right,
we can modify it as we go along.
-FDR
