What shall I say/do about this?

[Birdy]

Ok so I had to go to hospital a few months ago for a cut that was pretty serious and I obviously had to make up an excuse. But I don't have any other really visible scars apart from this one which is like typical shape on my lower arm inside bit if you get me. And I told one of my best friends at school the 'story' because she had seen tiny evidence of cutting before and went mental and said she was going to tell someone against my will but I managed to persuade her not to and said I was getting help (another lie). But I have another close friend who has cut in the past and it's complicated but basically she found out I wasn't in a good state and confronted me and forced me to tell her the truth. This was all quite a few months ago. But today my friend who knows told my friend who doesn't completely by accident, geuinely. (Can't be bothered to explain how etc but it was). So she told me straight away and said my friend was shocked, worried, insulted that I lied etc. and said I told her the 'story' in confidence (I didn't obviously as it was a lie but whatever.) Now what do I do? She knows I see someone now but I couldn't tell her after the first time she flipped at NOTHING compared to this. Like what do I do. Sorry this is probably confusing, annoying, waste of time etc. so I don't mind if I don't get any replies as I wouldn't know what to reply myself to be honest. I don't feel I can confront her. My friend who knew in the first place told me to carry on as usual....?

[sillyoldme]

hi, not 100% clear on what your saying but i do get it. so your friend who flipped now knows? I don't know if you can try to explain to her why you do it? I know my friends that know and understand ask why and have some idea of why, but the ones that don't have no clue. I guess if she can understand it as a way of coping then she won't be so scared. shes only like that cause she really cares about you.
to be honest i don't really know what to say other than maybe having friends know the truth and understand it can be a really good thing if you can get her to understand even a little. that way you don't have to lie and if something has upset you and you want to si you may be able to talk to them without saying what you want to do, sort out the problem and then not feel like you need to hurt yourself. know its not as easy as that but its so much nice not having to lie about stuff. my friends now and if htey see something now they just don't say anything which is really nice. and i can tell them if i'm struggling and they give me a bit of space.
don't knwo if that will help at all but...

[Birdy]

Yeah but she flipped like a long time before this bad time and now its been a few months since then, if that makes sense on an imaginary timeline. She know's I have treatment but I can't talk to her about any more details than that and I don't want to tell her anything else. She's not the sort of person you can talk to about anything like inside feelings and things as she doesn't talk about her own (she doesn't have anything wrong though, like 120% sure). No one has ever seen what I'm like when I'm going to do it as I avoid everyone and I make sure I am on my own and no one will come into my room or anything. I have only lied to her about this one as I couldn't avoid having this arm out around her and I couldn't let her touch my arm at that time so I needed to tell her it was injured before I screamed when she touched it whcih would have been even worse. I just don't have this arm out infront of anyone if I have cut recently and if I have to wear an outfit for an occasion I wear long sleeves and stuff like it's easily avoidable and I put a bracelet tightly over this big scar.
Thanks for your advice. It's helpful having someone else's point of view. She's in the room next to me and I will probs see her later on and if not then tomorrow morning for sure and I don't know what to do like when I first see her. She must hate me for lying to her? My friend who knows said she seemed pretty hurt that I lied but I could no way tell her. I was in a really volatile state at the time.

[Birdy]

Shall I write her a note saying sorry and stuff and put it under her door when I know she has left her room so she'd get it when she goes back in?

[Birdy]

Anyone, just a yes or no answer? I can't make decisions

[Birdy]

I'm a complete idiot right? I have no friends so I don't even know what I'm talking about when I say my friend. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. God you're attention seeking. Sorry about this.

[sillyoldme]

Hey don't think of yourself as stupid. We all have issues like this. I've done a similar thing n my mate was so annoyed at me he dragged me out the building n threw me on the floor lol. But that was just his initial reaction. He got over it.
A letter sounds good although should be your decision. Sounds like she's just hurt about the lies n that's wat I found with my friends too. Maybe u can explain why you lied n that you didn't want to it was just so you didn't hurt her. I'm sure shell understand that. This will get better though. That's the great thing about things always changing, that the harder times pass and it feels so good to take control of a situation.
To me a letter sounds good though. Explaining why you lied without putting blame on her n showing her u understand her reaction. It's her way of dealing like yours is sh. She obviously cares for you to get upset so being honest with her sounds like a good thing to me. Once she's got her head round things shell be ok n hay if not she's not worth it. But sure she will.
Hope that helps. End of the day ure choice wat u do.
Hope ure ok. Let us know wat happens
hugs x

[Birdy]

Thank you. Sorry for being so annoying. I really feel like I am being irritating, but thanks for the advice and stuff :)

[Birdy]

She's read the letter as she has gone to bed now and I slipped it under her door when she wasn't in there so she must have read it but hasn't come and said anything to me or emailed or text or anything...She's really not the forgiving type either. Maybe she isn't worth it, although I really think she is..?

[sillyoldme]

I think just give her time to get her head around it. That's the benifit of a letter it gives the person time to think about it although I know it's horrible for you. If she doesn't get back to you by tomorrow maybe ask her if she wants to go for a drink or something then can talk about it then. Also gives u some control of what happens n u can distract ureself till then if u know what your going to do )
ps your not being irritating. People only reply on here if they want to )
hope things work out for you. Let us know how goes

take care

[Birdy]

She lives in the room nextdoor to me though - less than 1 metre away. We can hear each other through the wall between our rooms. It's kind of awkward. I was in someone's room and she came in and went straight back out and they were like what? And bothpeople had just asked me if we had fallen out and I said no and then that happened.

Thanks for saying I'm not being irritating. I hope I'm actually not. Thank you for helping me with this. Will have to wait if she gives up her usual stubbornness. She is only proving why I didn't tell her in the first place. She is going to push me over the edge.

[sillyoldme]

I'm having a similar thing with a friend who's being stubborn and end of the day it's their problem, with something different but can only make an effort n leave the rest to them I guess. There's nothing can do about it so not worth worrying about. Shell get her head around it and prove she's a friend or she's not worth worrying about end of the day. Sounds like you have a pretty good friend with your other mate so just concentrate on that.
Hope things work out. Hugs (n I'm not just sayin it with the not bein irritating) :)

[Birdy]

Thank you :) just waiting for it to fall into place I guess like you said, to see if she is worth worrying about or not. Thank you again, really appreciate it. Hope your situation works out too.