Maturity in dealing with crisis/mental health problems.

[when.will.it.end]

Do you think that it's more about age or personality....or both?

I've just been thinking about this because when I was in a massive period of crisis a couple of years ago (frequent overdoses, bad self harm, hospital etc.) my friends cared but didn't seem to have a clue how to help. We were all 16/17 at the time and I ended up loosing most of them as friends because of everything I was doing. There were no boundaries on what I would do to myself and mental health services were crap so it there was a lot of responsibility on their shoulders, which I feel really bad for, but at the same time I wish they hadn't left me.

For the past two years I've been getting better on my own and have made an effort not to involve my friends in any of my drama. I moved cities and made new friends who didn't know any of my past, or at least hadn't seen it. I overdosed the other day and my new friends, who I've only known for a year, were supportive and came with me to hospital and everything. They didn't seem that freaked out by it and were quite mature/responsible about the whole thing even though they can't relate and it's all still dramatic and serious.

We're now all 20/21 and I'm trying to work out if they're being good about it because we're older or they're just more rounded mature people than my old friends. I was in dance training when I first got ill so my friends were all very self absorbed/sheltered from the real world where as now I'm at a middle class uni and everyone is quite well educated with a broader knowledge of the world.

Sorry I'm sort of rambling, just trying to figure it out. Anyone got any thoughts/similar experiences? I really don't want to mess up my friendships this time.

[Sekhait]

I can tell you right now that age has nothing to do with it. My dad is going to be 45, though he might've already turned 45 >.> Anyways ... And he STILL has stigmatism about mental health issues.

He's also not very mature about it ... Even though hes dealt with my Mental illness for the past 6 years and my moms when they were together.

Naturally with age comes maturity - but not always with these type issues.

[Bleeding Angel]

I think it depends on the person rather than age or maturity, all my school friends where ok but my uni friends didnt want anything to do with me, so oppisite experiance from you, but as i said, its all about if a person can handle it or not.

[FragileWings]

I think it really depends on the person, and if its an on going occurance. I wouldn't like it if someone told me regularly, that they've just od'd or self-harmed. It's like what do you want me to do? Because i would rather have liked you to speak to me before hand rather than after you've done something.

[Stellata]

Although I'm sort of middle aged, and would say it's an age thing, just to make me feel better!!!... I know it's not. It's the open mindedness of the person, how they're prepared to meet the heart/core of the person, and not judge them solely on their illness when their symptoms are most severe. I've experienced stigma against mental health issues, personally, and also from overhearing general discussions, by people of all ages. But then I've also had people judge mentally ill people in general, but actually be sensitive and understanding towards me.

I feel that maybe it depends on how much you communicate directly, or act out. I know that I've 'used' both ways, and overcoming the acting out way is a compassionate work in progress. There 's a difference between 'I'm having a bad day today, bear with me' and yelling and throwing things or shutting people out and not saying anything.

[when.will.it.end]

When I was really bad I did everything I could to not put it on my friends but naturally they saw what a mess I was simply because I lived with them/went to college with them even though I hid it all then too. I wasn't in a place to understand why anyone would care about me so I just tried to protect them rather than helping them worry less by sorting myself out. It's hard with friends.

[Gone.]

I think it depends on someone's personality and te environment in which is happens. My friends were lovely when I overdosed but then, when I went to counselling and struggled with it for various reasons they yelled at me and said I wasn't trying hard enough. I guess they think you can just get better overnight and you can't. However, I disagree it is an age thing because my teachers also know about a few things. They think the same as my friends, that counselling will make everything better.

I think it depends upon who you are as well as the experiences you've had as a person. It depends what life has thrown at you.

[rockaroni]

I think a part of it is also experience, which can come with age. When I was 15/16ish, nobody knew what to do with me and I lost all my friends more or less, because they didn't want to be friends with a depressed person. Then I went to sixth form, and everyone was amazing to me, because they were either going through their own similar problems, or knew someone who had. Now I'm 22, almost everyone I know knows someone who has had an MH problem to a certian extent, and thus are quite sensitive. But equally are honest when they don't know what to do. But equally now I'm old enough to know how to communicate what's up to people. So I guess really its a combination of factors.