Triggering (SI) - Starting DBT.. Everything really.

XxLostxX · 25-04-2010, 09:57 PM

Hi... I barely use RYL anymore despite the fact i used to log on every single day and spend more time on here than i did in the 'real' world as such.
But i slowly drifted away so i understand if you guys don't feel the need to reply to this.. why should you if i only log on when i need advice right?

I don't even really know what i'm asking of you.. Support, Advice maybe...

I've been well and SH free for nearly 6months.. I've been on the DBT waiting list for about 8. ( i have a provisional Diagnosis of BPD/DID.. but they can't even decide which it is so they've put me on DBT to see if it helps) Anyway.. So i've been doing well and then i get a letter saying they have a place for me on DBT...

I've been to the pre-commitment sessions and am due to start the group in the next couple of weeks but tommorrow she wants to do a 'timeline' of major events that have happend in my life.. And i guess i'm kind of scared because my way of not self harming for 6months is avoiding the subject of anything bad thats happend to me.. .

Now i have to tell someone i've known for three weeks all about it.. then just close the subject like it never happend and start the 'skills therapy'.. What if i slip up after i tell her and i end up on a downward spiral again!... i don't know if could survive another bad patch and i certainly don't think my family/friends/boyfriend could..

And just DBT in general.. I'm scared that 3 hours a week of therapy requires me to sit down and think about my behaviors/self harm etc.. talk about it. I'm not sure i can face thinking about my mental health problems without slipping back into dissociating all the time and self harming etc. I seem to be the only person this makes sense to. I spoke to my care co-ordinator and he seems to think i'm being daft and basically told me i can't run away forever...

which i realise i can't, but i guess i was hoping it would just go away by itself, that makes me a wimp i know.. Not wanting to face up to my problems and i am running away if i quit and stick to my ordinary life. I just don't want to risk losing everything (job, car, Boyfriend, Life!!.. just the normality i've built up, and mostly the lack of self harm! my scars are fading and it feels good to go out in short sleeves!)
But if i quit DBT and relapse again in a few months..(which i have a history of being fine for months then messing up) it's my fault for turning it down.

I suppose i'm just confused and wandering what other people would do in this situation, even though it's ultimately my decision. I just don't feel ill enough to be in therapy, someone more deserving could have my place!... but it might make my life better in the long run. Oh i dont know =/

Thankyou in advance to anyone that even read that or replied, i don't know many people on here anymore so i'm grateful if people who don't even know me respond

ferretmonster · 25-04-2010, 10:20 PM

Hi Lost,

I've been refered for DBT but i have no idea what it entails, so far i havent found the CBT much help

but i can completely relate to the ignoring issues, if i don't think about them i can't feel anything about them,

i don't know what im trying to say but thinking of you x

XxLostxX · 25-04-2010, 10:45 PM

Its mean't to be just a more specific of CBT... its like one hour single session doing 'chain and solution' (similar to CBT)... and two hours of a group session being taught life skills... apparently.

But i haven't started the group yet so i'm not overly sure what it entails either.. one thing that makes me nervous is that she said i have to do like homework then feedback my experiences that week to the group.. I think i'll find that the hardest.

Yeah.. glad someone can relate to what i'm on about.
thankyou

ferretmonster · 25-04-2010, 11:14 PM

good luck x

[BrokenHeels] · 25-04-2010, 11:15 PM

I have done DBT.

The homework thing isn't too bad. They are usually sheets that help you to encorporate a skill you are learning about. I finished my DBT a year ago so can't really remember any exact examples of homework but it wasn't anything too personal that you had to feedback to the group. You also have to fill in a diary card each week and you feedback to the group how the skills went. There is another side to the diary card where you chart your moods and whether you have self harmed etc but you don't feedback that, that's for individual sessions. The good thing is that you get to know your group well and from my experience everybody is very friendly and welcoming so I know it is daunting at first having to share stuff with a group but in time I promise it does become easier.

I think it might be worth you doing the DBT even though you are feeling more stable at this point in time. In fact it may be beneficial to do it whilst you are stable as you will probably have more energy and motivation to learn the skills and put them in to practise. The skills aren't something that will last for a couple of weeks, you could use them for a long time after you have learnt them so it might be really beneficial.

Have you spoken to your individual therapist about how you feel?
Any other questions you have, feel free to ask.
x

Rhea-Billie-Tate · 26-04-2010, 12:12 AM

I'm currently in a group for people with BPD dx which has evolved from a DBT course. We still use all the DBT skills, but the psychologist who runs it has tailored it over the past few years based on the experience of other service users who have been there.
I, personally, am finding it incredibly useful. We have to be in individual therapy to attend the group as issues generally come up through homework and group discussions that can't be looked at in detail in a group setting. Because of this, I don't find that I have to disclose anything at all that I'm not comfortable with sharing in a group, but it's making me think about things in different ways and look at things that I'm now able to tackle in individual therapy. I'm definitely finding that my individual therapy has been more focussed since I started the group, and we spend less time talking about the week-to-week sorts of things that can take so much time away from the real issues, because these are pretty much being dealt with in the group.
The skills are really helpful, although it takes a lot of work and motivation, especially at first, to start putting them into practise. As said above, it's probably a good thing that you're going into it in a reasonably stable place, we've had people in our group who have been asked to leave and come back when their mental state has stablised a bit because they weren't able to commit to the work that is involved. As we're told every week, recovery doesn't happen by osmosis, you don't get any better just for showing up at the group and paying lip service to the work that's set, the treatment is an active process.
It is so worth the work though. Things are by no means perfect with me now at all, but I find that I manage myself so much better when I go through a bad patch now, and when I do slip or fall, I can pick myself back up much more quickly. I'm also a hell of a lot more self-aware. I used to blindly go around and around in the same cycles of behaviour, totally oblivious of the familiarity of what I was doing or the probable consequences of my actions. Now I can recognise when things are going wrong, when I'm taking too much on, when I'm avoiding, when I'm not taking care of myself and I have the choice then to change my behaviour so that I don't end up in crisis.
I totally understand where you're coming from about wanting to stick your head in the sand and hope things just stay stable and that everything will go away, but I think that you know deep down that it doesn't work like that.You're not a wimp at all, it's really scary to take a risk like this, but I really would urge you that it is absolutely worth facing your fears and really giving it a shot.

And congratulations for being 6 months SH free btw, that's an amazing achievement, you should be really proud.

Sorry if I've rambled, take care,

XxLostxX · 26-04-2010, 04:44 PM

Thankyou for your replys.... Much appreciated.

I did the timeline and it wasn't as bad as i thought it'd be tbh. She explained more of the group dynamics and stuff today and i'm pleased there's only 4 people... I think i'm just going to try and hopefully things will stay as theyre are.

The plan is for me to start at the begining of the next module which is in 3-4 weeks. =]

Thanks again for you're support guys much appreciated. I will update this thread if things are going better/worse etc save using more space

xx

Spoons · 26-04-2010, 11:47 PM

all i can say is give dbt a chance it does help. I'm on a course for it at the moment and it is hard having to think about things but in the long run learning to deal with them is better than pushing them to the back of your head and trying to forget about them.