Triggering (SI) - Arghhh I really wanna Cut and noone on here cares!!

[Smophy]

Why the **** would anyone else care!!

i just wanna slice my arm from top to bottom but i know my bf will end up seeing it!!

I hate my mind. I hate myself ! Arggghhhhh!!!

[bleedjusttoknowimalive]

We care, we always care.
What's triggering you?

[shivonie]

im in the same place so i cant say much but i care about u

[Smophy]

No idea. Its too late any way. Its done. Its not as bad as it could be.

Maybe its that my friend accused me of being a bad friend and gossiping about her life.

I know that sounds pathetic. But what else could it be. I was happy b4. And then BOOM she accuses me and i feel like this.

Well its done now. Now i feel insanely guilty. And so i should do.

[bleedjusttoknowimalive]

You did end up cutting?
I'm sorry. If you don't want to talk about it here just PM me :)

[Smophy]

Thank you tho for caring. If i had read this b4 maybe i wouldn't of done it x

[bleedjusttoknowimalive]

The 'maybes' aren't really gonna help us, so we have to focus on the future. Now that you know you can last.. what was it, like 20 minutes, with the urges, try 30!

[Smophy]

Yeah i did. I don't mind talking about it here. There isn't much to talk about tbh. You sound very nice tho so thank you.

I dont know why i randomly wanted to do it. Ive gone ages without SH and i felt fine. I can honestly now see the similarities between SH and other addictions. That is what it is. Its the same feeling when i want a cigarette, I haven't smoked for almost 2 yrs yet i still get the odd intense craving. Its the same with SH yet there is no open way for me to deal with it.

I don't know why I am saying this. It doesn't matter. It is done now.

Thankyou tho xxx

[Smophy]

I don't mean to sound like a defeatist but how long will it take for 20 mins to turn in to a lifetime? Every time I go for a long while without SH i get all my hopes up thinking its over and i will never do it again but i always do. erghh its just lame. A silly little addiction i wish i had never got myself into...give me cigarettes and alcoholism over this anytime x

[HerNameGoesHere]

If I could give you a million hugs I would, I know exactly how you feel, I'm actually there at this moment. Just remember, someone loves you, you might not know they love you but they do.

[bleedjusttoknowimalive]

Sorry I left. It's hard, I went four or five months without cutting and then one rude word to me and I'm back hiding in the basement slicing myself up. I understand how you feel. It is very hard to get to a lifetime.