Mildly Triggering (ED) - My ED is gonna kill me I afraid

[starting_over]

I dont really post much on ryl and have posted even less in the ed forum. I was in an Ed program and after 3 weeks had to leave since i was paying out of my pocket and could not afford anymore treatment. I am a single mom with 2 sets of twins and a very limited budget. I have been diagnosed EDNOS as I dont meet all criteria for either bulimia or anorexia. I purge but do not binge so bulimias criteria not met, and I do restrict but am not 15% below weight. I have had several MI's and been hospitalized the most recent right now. My councelor says my ill health is due to my eating disorder. I know that ed's kill and feel that I am seriously headed down that road. I don't wanna die or leave my kids. I can't afford treatment and I know that I need help but money is more important to treatment centers than the consequences of ED's on people. i feel so helpless and scared. I have been practing one form or another of an ED since I was 6 and will be 32 in July. I am stuck. If anyone has some ideas or support I would truelly appreciate it. any type of hope woulod be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Snow White.]

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much, but it sounds like you do want to get better which is great. Do you have a list of reasons you want to get better, for yourself and your health and your children, perhaps? I find remembering the reasons I want to get better helps me to avoid the negative behaviours.

I don't know much about the medical system there unfortunately I cannot give any advice on getting treatment at reduced rates, it might be worth speaking to your doctor about or a local government agency, see if there is any sort of community support in the area.

Is your counsellor supportive? They might be a good point for you (if you can keep seeing them) to help you help yourself get better, as you're right, eating disorders to kill . Every step you make in the right direction is positive, no matter how big or small, remember that. Even increasing your intake little by little can help.

Keep fighting xxx